Born This Way
by nic98ole
Summary: I gave up on my dreams a long time ago. I only have my lies to keep me going through life. Kames/Cargan and minor James/OC R&R!
1. Narcissus in a Red Dress

And here's ANOTHER Big Time Rush story. Don't worry, State of Mind is still going on and writing. I don't think this story will take that much out of it, but hopefully it could become as just as big a success. And at least it isn't as totally angsty as State of Mind. . .for now. I might change my mind. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy what this story is going to turn out.

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Behaving like the Virgin Queen, you're just as damaged underneath'<strong>_

It doesn't matter what they think. I was always on their mind.

I loved the eyes of the men that desired my body every night that I worked. I loved the eyes of the boys in the halls of school that didn't know what to think of me. Either way, their minds were still lustful and wanting. I loved the eyes of the girls that wanted me, whether they had a boyfriend or not. It didn't matter what they thought about me.

I was the one they all wanted. The one that had them wrapped around my finger.

Carlos ran up from behind me, throwing a playful arm around my body and grinning like a madman.

"James!" he chirped and smiled even wider than before, "Guess what? I think Michelle likes you," he whispered and I rolled my eyes. That stupid girl again? I didn't care if she liked me, she was a slut anyways. No one wanted a girl that had been in the beds of a different guy every week. Then again, I was in the beds of a different paying customer every other Saturday. Hmph, well at least I was getting paid to do it.

Carlos noticed my uninterested expression and looked around at the empty halls of the school, the paper pass held lightly in his fingers. "You're not ditching again, are you?"

"Why shouldn't I? I don't have anything else to do," I said, quickening my pace. As much as I loved the little Latino friend, he was always sticking his nose in my business. I knew it was out of love and Carlos had a lot of it, but there were just somethings he didn't need to know.

Like how I was a model and a stripper. If he knew that, his little heart might give out.

Carlos bit his lip as he tried to keep up with me, my long legs taking me farther and faster than his short ones could.

"Well, your parents aren't paying for you to go here and skip classes. I mean, how are you going to get to college? College is the first step on finding out what you're going to do for the rest of your life and-"

"This coming from someone that wants to be a superhero when he wants to grow up?" I asked and Carlos smiled at me goofy. He gave me a light punch on the arm.

"Hey, you thought it was a good idea too! Besides, I know what I want to be," he said and smiled, "I want to get married and be a daddy,"

"Being a dad isn't a paying job," I corrected and Carlos puffed his cheeks.

"You'll get paid in every day your child smiles," Carlos said dreamily and I scoffed at his dazed expression. Well then I guess my dad is the poorest man in the world. I haven't smiled at his face in years. More like screamed and yelled at his drunken expressions he wore on a daily basis. Carlos sighed at my attitude and pulled on my arm. "Well if you're going to ditch, then I'll just catch up with you after hockey practice,"

"Whatever, Carlitos," I said and Carlos gave me another light punch in the arm, giving a wave and turning on his heels to walk down the hall in the other direction. I shook my head and continued down the hallway. Hm, my shift doesn't start in a couple of hours. What else is there really to do? Maybe I'll just go for a walk in the park. Maybe I'll go down to the mall to flirt with that cute girl at the hot dog stand. Maybe I'll walk down the street and hope that a talent agent will come stop me, say that I'm just the face worthy of Hollywood and sweep me off my feet to a place of fame and fortune.

I always walked down the street. It never happened.

Someone practically ran me down in the hall, the person slamming into my body and taking me down to the hard floor along with him. He struggled his way to get off of me and he pulled me up by my wrist, sputtering out apology after apology.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going. I needed to-"

"Look, how about next time you watch where you're going. School isn't that important to be running people over," I said, dusting myself off.

"Is that why you're ditching?" the guy asked and I looked over his face. Since when did everyone care that James Diamond ditched school? Did it become a national holiday or something?

Well, at least the guy was kind of cute. His dimples stood out as he gave me a cocky smirk for no reason and his green eyes sparkled underneath those big eyebrows of his.

"Well if you're going to be nosy, then yeah. I'm ditching. So get out of my way so I can leave," I said annoyed and stepped out of the way of the blonde. He only slid to the left to block me again.

"You need to go back to class," he said sternly and I snorted.

"Or what?" I asked and he quickly dug into his pockets, holding his hand out for me to wait. He fished out a wallet and flipped it open, revealing a silver badge.

"Because as my duty as a hall monitor is to make sure that each and every student is in class unless otherwise-"

I snatched the wallet out of his hands and examined it closely.

". . .Well Kendall Knight, I don't care if you're a hall monitor or not. No one cares about you people anyways," I said, tossing the wallet to the floor and continuing on my way. I heard Kendall scurrying around to grab his wallet and couldn't help but smile. Such a nerd. A cute nerd but still a nerd. Then I felt someone grab my wrist and drag me backwards down the hall again.

"What do you think you're doing!" I shouted and began to pull myself in the other direction. Kendall began to tug at my arm, determined to get me to class.

"You need to get back to class!"

"You know, I'm bigger than you. Don't think that you'll win this tug of war," I said and pulled harder. Kendall pulled even harder, his Vans beginning to slip on the tile. Just one more pull and he'll go crashing to the ground and I can make a run for it. So I pulled.

And he fell straight onto me, bringing me down to the floor again and bringing his mouth smashing onto mine. His green eyes widened and he pulled off of my lips with the loudest 'pop' I ever heard and it seemed to echo in the halls. His cheeks were red and blushing wildly and I pushed him off of my body, rubbing my lips. He was only touching his in slight amazement. And the bell rang, freaking great. Kendall looked over at me, satisfied as the hall began to crowd with the usual hustle and bustle of students and I frowned.

Stupid cute nerd. Now he got less cute and more annoying. He reached a hand out to help me up but I turned and pushed myself off the floor, turning and storming down the hall. I'm leaving anyways. Just so I don't have to see his face again for the remainder of the day. To forget about his face in the green grass of the parks. To forget about a lot of faces.

To just think about me.

Hours went by and I forgot all about meeting up with Carlos after his hockey practice. But he wasn't the type of person to get angry about a missed meeting. He wasn't the type of person to get angry about anything really. Maybe that's why he's my best friend. It's hard not to feel angry or sad in his presence. And so I walked down my usual path to the club, eyes flickering around at the usual group of people in the street and on the sidewalks laughing to themselves. And seeing the usual group of men lingering around deciding whether or not they want to take the risk of heading the same way I was.

They usually found themselves down at the gentleman's parlor anyways.

Usually eyes would wander back onto me as I walked through the crowds of people, wondering what I was doing with my head held up so high. It didn't matter what they thought. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks anymore.

I know what my future is going to be like. No one is going to change that.

Lucy greeted me once I stepped into the dressing room, already dressed in her usual pair of lingerie and bows. She smiled and then jerked a thumb over her shoulder.

"You're usual crowd is already here waiting," she said, adjusting her bra.

"Yeah, yeah,"

". . .You cut school again, didn't you?"

"Why does everyone care? I know what I'm going to do for my life," I groaned, pointing to where the stage was, a girl already on the pole and getting shouts and whistles. Lucy shook her head.

"You're smarter than that. You shouldn't even be here, you should be in a library studying and getting a degree and making a living for yourself,"

"I'm here because Gabriel thinks I'm cuter than any of these girls here," I stated and she rolled her eyes. Well, it was true. She stared at me for a while, eyes livid and deciding whether or not she should scold me like the mother she never wanted to become. She just placed a hand to her forehead.

"Just go and get ready. We're on in a couple of minutes," she sighed and I smiled, giving her a little kiss on the cheek and she swatted me away.

I could hear the voices of the various people filling the floor, shouts and leers getting louder and louder men and women's voices mixing together. It was a Friday night, one of the most crowded times to be at the Parlor. And also one of those nights when all the dancers get cutthroat for as many tips as they could get. I was already getting the usual glares even when me and Lucy weren't up yet. Didn't matter what they thought.

It doesn't matter what anyone thought. No one won't care in the end.

I walked over to the curtain, standing in position with Lucy standing across from me, eyes on the glitter covered floor. She glanced over at me and gave a weak smile, holding her stomach and looking pale. Why is she so nervous? She's been doing this longer than I have.

". . .Young guys outside tonight," she said and I nodded, taking the fabric of the curtain in my fingers and pulling it open slightly to see the routine of the girl still on stage and take a sneak peek at the crowd of willing to pay suckers. Just the usual bunch of businessmen and college goofs just here for kicks. Then my eyes fell on the small group of guys sitting directly in front of the stage.

And the geeky blond that was staring at the girl on the pole, jaw hanging in awe and friends grouping around him and waving their money wildly. Kendall.

It mattered what he thought about me. Especially when he could reveal to the school what my 'honest' job was.

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><p>Well, there's the first chapter. And I hope that it gets enough feedback for me to keep it going. Anyways, hope you all liked the first chapter and review! Constructive criticism is wanted!<p> 


	2. Liar

Well, like I said before, I update fast when it's a new story. Hopefully this chapter isn't so bad because it was written so soon. Well, thanks EvilGeniusBookWorm13, KxJ luver, DancingFanatic217, child who is cool, Writer-4ever-and-always, slowdownlittlelady, BTRlover17, Music4ever1617, SimplyAnonymous101, Lil' Boy Monster, MerielTLA, and sum1cooler for the reviews, favs and alerts! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Liar, liar, everything you do is sin'<strong>_

"I'm not going out there," I said, closing the curtain and walking towards the dressing rooms. Someone else can go out there and entertain them. It could be Lucy without the Diamond. I don't care if I don't get any money tonight.

I can't go out there and let Kendall see me like this. Like some slut that ditches school to give lap dances. Even if it was technically correct. Lucy grabbed my wrist.

"What are you talking about? Since when do you care what people think?" she asked me, voice barely above a whisper to keep from the people outside hearing.

"There's a guy from my school that I made a pretty bad impression on today," I said, motioning my eyes towards the curtain. She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow and peeked out the curtain too.

". . .Oh, them. Blond one with eyebrows is cute. Probably a virgin. Friends forced him here," she evaluated and I snorted. I'd doubt that a hall monitor would come here on his own. The microphone shrilled and I tried to make a run for it and Lucy grabbed my wrist and pulled.

"And now for a special act for our special clients. Two gorgeous dancers here to tickle your bi-curious minds and engage your sexual desires," Gabriel's voice came clear over the speakers and the shouts of men grew louder and the squeals of girls rang through my ears. Lucy pushed me back into my starting position on the stage, eyes focused on the curtain and my eyes staring at the curtain.

Waiting for Kendall to see me dressed in skimpy tight silver shorts. Fucking perfect.

"Let's hear it for the provocative duo of Lucy and Diamonds," Gabriel's voice whispered and the shouts grew louder and louder as the curtains slowly opened and I closed my eyes to hear the shouts of surprise.

Only when I opened them, I found Kendall preoccupied with another girl trying to get him to put money in her garter belt with his friends shouting and waving their money still. Thank god he wasn't looking. And the way the girl was grinding on him made me think that he won't be looking on stage for a long while. Lucy stuck out her leg, it curving around my waist and hooking tightly. I nodded, going along with the routine. The usual routine of two flawless lovers that wanted nothing but the lust that came from each other and the audience.

She released her grip from me and went off to the side, going down into a split and gathering the money from the men that were throwing it. I went to the other side of the stage at the lecherous group of college students, smiling and winking with an innocent look. They went wild and whistled and tossed their dollar bills as well, not caring where it went.

I didn't dare go down to the center and dead front row. Not without risking Kendall getting a view of me. The song was almost done and I could gather my tip and run off the stage. Then I heard shouts coming from the front rows, my usual group of men complaining about not receiving any love yet. Lucy gave me a look as she slipped out of her bra, curly blonde hair growing wild and I groaned.

He was going to see me. Maybe I could make it quick.

I stood and gave a sultry walk over to the crowd, the guys standing up and crowding over the front of the stage, obscuring Kendall's view. I bent down and lied on the stage, lips puckered to the one closest and he grinned, leaning in to try and kiss me. I smirked and pushed him aside, spinning around with my leg stretched out for the guys to slip money in my own garter. Only two more minutes and I can get out of here. And Kendall still hasn't looked over at the stage, though there was a different girl trying to get a tip from him. I stood up onto my feet and threw my head back, teasingly beginning to pull down the shorts, nothing underneath and cream skin being colored in the bright strobe lights and the guys began to scream. I felt Lucy behind me, pressing her bare breasts into my back and hands on the silver material as well, making them cheer even louder.

Then I saw Kendall's eyes flicker over to see what the noise was all about. And widen.

I stumbled back and Lucy fell backwards on the stage by my sudden movement. The men began to laugh and threw even more money on the stage, most likely the ones that were super drunk and didn't know what was going on or the guys just here for shits and giggles. Lucy gave me a glare as I quickly dashed behind the curtain, the music ending just in time and it being perfectly alright to leave the stage.

And hide in my dressing room until I was sure that everyone was gone.

Gabriel was already knocking on my door, one reason to ask me just what the hell was I doing running off the stage like that. The other reason to tell me that I already had clients from the agency ready to take me for a night of sex. Typical Gabe. Money first, questions later. But what was I supposed to do? He offered me the job when he saw me, my dad is always drunk so he can't keep a job for too long and strippers and prostitutes always end up in celebrity scandals.

Maybe a scandal could push me into the limelight that I always wanted.

"You know you can't hide here baby," a voice whispered and I sighed. Gabriel's arms slipped around my waist and he nuzzled his chin into the crook of my neck.

"Are those guys gone? The ones that were in the front row?" I asked, ignoring the tiny licks Gabe was now giving to my neck.

"Hmm? . . .Oh yeah, they left a while ago. Why? Did they touch you or anything?" he mused, nibbling on my skin.

"No. Just one of the guys goes to my school. . .and he doesn't know I'm a stripper-"

"And a cute escort," he thrown in and I rolled my eyes. He always used a term other than 'model' to describe my other profession. He calls me a rent boy to the drunks at the bar. He calls me a gigolo when he knows I'm pissed. "Well why should you care? He's paying to see you naked. He's the one that'll look like an idiot,"

"And I'll look like a slut,"

"You are,"

"Gee thanks," I deadpanned and he laughed, pulling my head back so I could look up into his face. His amber eyes stared down and was dark with lust and his dark hair hung low in messy tangles. He bent forward and kissed my lips, sucking on them until they were red and swollen. He pulled back and breathed deeply, scent of whiskey and mint tickling my nose.

"If you didn't work for me. . .god, I'd fuck you right now,"

"I'm already hot and bothered by you standing here," I said sarcastically and he smirked, blowing me a kiss and turning to walk out the door. Lucy came in as he was walking out and he gave her a slap on her ass, Lucy pushing the owner out and slamming the door shut. She turned to me, hands on her hips.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What were you doing up there?"

"I told you, there was a guy there that I didn't want to see me. That blond one that you think is a virgin,"

"Oh him. Bambi said he didn't have any money, so the girls pretty much ignored him for the night,"

Pft, who doesn't bring at least a dollar to the strip club?

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her coat, slipping it onto her body. "Don't worry about it. There's still the weekend and he'll probably forget about everything he saw,"

"Did you see him? Tonight was probably the most action he ever got in his whole life. He'll never forget about this,"

She laughed and grabbed her purse. "Hey, don't be so mean about him. He might be a well-paying client of yours in the future,"

Hah, he could pay me all the money in the world and I won't sleep with him. I have standards. Even if he is cute. She waved goodbye and I turned to look at the cards with the addresses of clients that wanted my fullest attention for as long as they could pay, spotting a very familiar one.

Mr. Mitchell. I'll see him first thing.

Mr. Mitchell was always the kind of person I thought I would get into the large crazy scandals with. He was rich beyond compare. He had the whole entire marketing world in his hands. He always had that sort of charismatic charm that woo over every person that he met.

Too bad his wife was never around to know that about her husband. I found that out when I spent the first night in bed with him. And the large bed that I lied in, the satin cream sheets rubbing softly against my bare skin and slipping through my fingers, was a bed that held all the secrets about the CEO the world would never know.

Just like the secrets in all my client's beds about me the world will never find out.

He wasn't there in his large home when I showed up (using the key that he gave me. So trusting. I didn't know whether to think he was a complete sucker or a person who actually viewed me as something other than a pricey fuck), so I got undressed and got underneath the covers to wait. And to think about the night's activities. To think about Kendall and his stupid group of friends. To think about Kendall's face, his completely dumbstruck face of me about to slip out of the tiny shorts and let everything hang loose. And so I heard the sounds of someone stepping down the hallway and I smirked, getting out from underneath the covers and lying flat on my stomach and bare ass perked up in the air. The door creaked open and I sighed seductively.

"What took you so long? If you didn't come sooner, I'd would have started fingering myself," I talked dirty. He loved it when I talked like that to him. So he could punish me for being such a bad boy.

"Um. . .I'm sorry?" a voice said confused and I tensed up. Mr. Mitchell's voice was deep and sophisticated. This voice was young and confused. I flipped over and saw a boy probably my age dressed in a well polished suit and tie, messenger bag slung over his shoulder. He averted his gaze to something else in the bedroom and I rolled my eyes. We have the same body parts, nothing to get worked up over. I went underneath the sheets and whistled to let him know it was okay to look.

He was kind of cute too. But too squeamish and preppy. Maybe he just used Mr. Mitchell's number to get me over here. Didn't matter if he did. The way he was dressed obviously said he had a lot of money he could afford to waste. But the way he was staring at me, eyes looking confused instead of enraged, said otherwise.

". . .I don't suppose you could keep your mouth shut about this, will you?" I asked and the boy shook his head yes.

". . .I uh, already know you," he said and my eyes widened. Oh god, please don't tell me he goes to the same school I do. That makes two people that know about my secret. And this time there wasn't the crowds of people and flashing lights to give me some sort of invisibility. I clenched the sheets tightly.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I. . .accidentally walked in once. My dad. . .and you. . ."

"Having sex, yeah, yeah," I finished for him and he blushed red. Great, this was his son that was now rocking from side to side, nervous and unsure of what to do.

"I'll just. . .uh,"

"Never mind, I'll go," I said, getting up and fishing around for my clothes. The son turned again to give me some privacy as I put on my clothes and jacket, sticking the keys in my pocket before he could see.

"Um, I'm Logan by the way," he said, holding out a hand for me to shake. I grabbed it and pulled him into me, getting a squeak from the smaller boy.

"I don't suppose you'll be interested in a little quickie before I go. I came all the way out here, I might as well get something," I said, fingers dancing around the button on his beige pants. He pushed me away and glared at me.

"Get out of here. I don't associate with prostitutes,"

"First off, I'm a stripper and the preferred term is 'model'. Second, it's your father that associates with people like me," I said, leaning forward and pulling him closer by his striped tie. "And you don't want your father's business leaking out to the public, do you?"

I was lying. I would never sell out Mr. Mitchell like that, not the way he trusts me like this. But the stale look in Logan's eyes was good enough for me. He pushed me away once again and turned to walk out the bedroom, not caring if I was following him to the door or not. I took my own way out of the house, through the back door and through the large garden gates.

Dad was passed out like usual when I got back to the small house, his light snoring coming from the couch and the half eaten frozen dinner by the lamp on the coffee table. I sighed and pulled the blanket out of the closet and draped it over the sleeping figure, tossing off my jacket and heading towards my room.

"James?" I heard my dad grunt out and I sighed.

"Yeah?"

"You're getting here late,"

"Yeah, but I'm here now," I muttered and heard him shift on the couch.

"Did you eat?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Go to sleep," I finished, exhausted from tonight's work.

". . .I love you, James," my dad said sleepily and I sighed.

". . .Yeah, ditto," I mumbled back and I already heard his light snores start up again.

He always said he loved me, but the alcohol always made him forget when the morning came.

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><p>Well, there's the second chapter for you. And we get a little insight into some of the other characters that are going to be in the story. You'll meet 'Mr. Mitchell' in the next chapter, for sure. It's already typed out, just needs to be looked over. Well, reviews are welcome! So is constructive criticism!<p> 


	3. I Can Talk

Update super fast. This story will probably be updated a couple of times this week, since I have a lot of the chapters typed up already. Just hope that this chapter was good enough. Anyways, thanks abby1234, BTRlover17, KxJ luver, Gotta Live It Big Time, samantha-cullen0320, child who is cool, TCR-SMEXY, Sum1cooler, EvilGeniusBookWorm13 and SixOfSpades for the reviews, favs and alerts. Hope you all enjoy this chapter.

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'You get a lot from this loose tongue and arrogance'<strong>_

Kendall was walking down the hallway, smiling at everyone and giving them a friendly wave. Carlos was standing by me, chatting about the hockey game on Saturday and how his father took him out for a victory dinner. I didn't know why he was telling me this, especially when he knew how my father was like.

Carlos knew my dad was a drunkard. He knew because every time he hugged me, he smelt the alcohol on my clothes.

My mind was on Saturday's clients and the usual one night stands. Women that wanted me to pose as their young boyfriend. Men that wanted to let out all their sexual frustration on my body and paying the price. Carlos didn't know half of the things I did on Saturday nights. He never will either. Not if he doesn't know my secret.

Not if anyone in this school knows my secret. Everyone except Kendall.

Every time Kendall would look at me with an innocent smile, I would get paranoid and panicked. I couldn't get him away to confront him because he was always surrounded by his group of nerd hall monitor friends. And even if I did manage to get him alone, then what would I say? 'Hey, I know you saw me at the club. Keep your mouth shut and I could get in a free handjob for you'. Yeah, that would be real sophisticated to say. But it was the only thing I had to offer.

Kendall walked past me for the fifth time in the day and smiled at me brightly and I couldn't take it anymore. Once Carlos had left to go to his class and halls began to empty and it was about time for me to ditch, Kendall grabbed at my wrist.

"Ditching again?" he asked innocently and I grabbed at his shirt and slammed him against the wall.

"What do you know?" I hissed out and he struggled to get out of my grasp.

"I don't know what you're talking about! . . .Wait do you mean. . .Friday. . .at that club,"

Shit, he did see. I grabbed at his shirt tighter and he began to tense. "What do you want from me? I didn't even see anything! Some guy looked like you but that was it!"

. . .He thought it was someone else. Thank god. I let go of the hall monitor and patted him on the back, smiling lightly.

"Right, sorry about that. Anyways, I'm leaving so bye," I said with a wink and turned to leave, Kendall still not letting go of my wrist.

"Or maybe it was you. But it couldn't be. . .you're too young to. . ."

"Look, make up your mind. Did you see me at the Parlor or not?" I asked then bit my lip. If I was supposed to be the innocent non stripper, I wouldn't know the freaking name of the joint. Kendall's eyes widened.

"Oh man, it was you!" he shouted and then began to wipe at his mouth and I raised an eyebrow, "I kissed a stripper! Who knows where your mouth been!"

"I'm not some whore you know," I said dryly, pushing him against the wall and wedging a knee in between his legs. He gasped and turned red at the pressure and I smiled. "You want to tell me why you were there?"

". . .My friends brought me there, trying to see if they could find a girl to have sex with me or something," he admitted and I leaned in closer, hips slightly bucking up. "Ngh, ah. Stop it,"

"I'm not going to. I'm going to make sure you don't tell anyone what you saw," I whispered, pinning his hands above his head.

"Tell them what? That you're a stripper? People already know you bed anything that moves, why would they care that you're a stripper?" Kendall said sharply and I moved a hand to palm the growing erection in his skinny jeans. He let a moan slip out from his lips and I smirked. He's just like the others.

Wrapped around my finger. And all thoughts about me.

Kendall snapped open his eyes and found the strength to push me off, stumbling around and blushing red. "Look, don't even bother trying to mess with my head! I wasn't going to tell anyone anyways. Why ruin your reputation any more?"

"What are you talking about? Everyone knows who I am. No one knows or cares about someone like you,"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone want's to be known as the 'Easiest Fuck on Campus'," Kendall hissed and I stepped back, staring at him with wide eyes. "And now you do it for money too? I guess you're now the easiest fuck on campus for $10,". This was not the nerdy side of Kendall. Not the hall monitor geek that I met on Friday. This was a cocky, street smart, backtalking Kendall that knew the right things to say to piss me off.

And it was fucking hot.

He turned on his heel and began to walk down the hall. "Go ahead and ditch. I'm pretty sure there's guys waiting for a blowjob down at the club," he said, not looking back and I frowned. Hot or not, no one disrespects me like that. Bastard.

Angry ditching led to angry running down the street. Which led to angry stripping and practically throwing Lucy around the stage. Which led to angry kissing for Gabe, though he wasn't complaining. Only that he couldn't throw me onto a couch and just pound the anger out of me the way he knew best. Which led to angry searching through my client list to find someone to have angry sex with. I needed something to release frustration. And if it was going to happen by having something warm and cute underneath me, then so be it.

God, I am a slut.

I ended up going back to the Mitchell residence and sneaking in through the back door and up to Mr. Mitchell's room. Only to find Logan sitting on his bed, Mr. Mitchell next to him looking over some papers. The man's eyes widened when he saw me, then flickering over to look at his son. Logan rolled his eyes.

"I don't care what you do," he said, gathering his papers and getting off the bed, shooting me a glare, "just lock your door,"

I gave him a smile in return and he stuck his nose high in the air, trying to ignore my grin.

"L-Logan," his father stuttered out and Logan paused to look over at him, "just. . .we'll talk later,"

Logan stared at him, face unreadable. Shame, disgust, acceptance, I really wasn't sure. He gave a curt nod and stepped out of the bedroom. Once the door was closed and locked, I turned to Mr. Mitchell and crawled onto the bed. He looked at me with a tired expression, rubbing his forehead.

"What are you doing here? My son's here,"

"Because I'm bored and you wanted an appointment with me but you weren't here. And Logan already knows about me. He's not going to tell," I said, fingers walking up and down his leg. Not unless he wants me to tell the press. "Mr.-"

"John. Don't call me 'Mr. Mitchell'. It makes me feel even more guilty for what I'm doing," he said in a low whisper and I glanced down. So what if I was young? It didn't matter, that was one of my selling points. He adjusted his coat and I helped him out of it and he sighed again. "I'm not in the mood for sex,"

"We don't have to have sex. We could just talk," I said, lying down in his bed. Though if it transitioned into sex, I wouldn't mind.

"Why don't you talk to your father? I'm pretty sure it would be more beneficial than talking to me," he replied and I rolled over to my side.

"Yeah, I'll just talk to a man passed out on our living room floor and let everything fly over his head," I muttered and John glanced down at me.

"Aw, darling, he loves you. He wouldn't want you living a life like this," he said softly and I pouted.

"If all we're going to talk about is how I shouldn't be in the sex industry and be focused on school, then I'll just go back to the club and work overtime," I threatened and he sighed, pushing me back down on the bed. I smirked and he ran a hand through my hair, fingers stopping to curl at the ends of my brown hair.

"I'm just concerned. From a father's perspective. . .I wouldn't want Logan sleeping with other men and women like you do,"

"You sleep with me. And I'm doing this because my dad can't keep a job and if we don't pay rent, we'll be out on the streets,"

John sighed and thought for a moment. "I don't always sleep with you. Most of the times I just want to talk to someone and you're always willing to lend an ear since Logan is always off doing his studies. . .and if you need a place to stay, I'll find a place for both of you to live,"

"That wouldn't look good for you in the public eye. Paying for a stripper/model,"

"Why do you call yourself that? You're a rent boy, aren't you?"

". . .Because model sounds more dignified," I said quietly and he sighed again.

"Why don't you go home and see if your father's awake. And if he is, promise you'll talk to him,"

"He's not awake. He's probably drunk already and passed out on the couch," I muttered and he kissed the top of my forehead.

"Just go and talk to him," John said and I sighed, slipping out of his grasp and slipping on my shoes.

"I just wanted to have monstrous sex but no. You shoo me away to go talk to my dad," I grumbled and John slipped some money into my pocket.

"Goodbye, darling," he said and gave me a kiss on the cheek and I pouted, tucking the money in deeper and stepping out the door and taking my path out the house.

Dad was passed out like usual. I didn't bother to wake him up.

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><p>Well, like I said, this story is going to be updated a lot frequently during this week since the chapters are written. But I might need to look over them to see if they could use some tweeking. And I don't think that there will be any more new characters for a while, well, next chapter will be one more new character. And some smut. Yep, already. But what do you expect from James being a stripper. There's going to be <em>some <em>action. Hopefully written well enough. Anyways, reviews please! And criticism is still wanted!


	4. Do You Wanna Touch Me?

Next chapter already up! And it's a slightly smut scene at the end. Though it's probably not with who you all wanted it to be with, whoever they are. But in due time. Anyways, thank you EvilGeniusBookWorm13, child who is cool, Six Of Spades, fuzzybuzz21, BTRlover17, Emo Bangs, Sum1cooler, hahippy, Anon and LoveBTR for the reviews, favs, and alerts! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Right or wrong, don't it turn you on'<strong>_

Kendall was just a nobody. He wasn't going to be a threat to me any longer.

The times when he would enforce his 'laws of the halls', it would usually end up with him being shoved into the nearest locker or books knocked out of his hands or just being slapped around in general. What gave him the right to talk to me like I'm a piece of meat and let everyone else walk over him? Because I take my clothes off for money? Because I sell my body for money? Because I have sex with people for money? I hated people that judged what I did and not know why. I do have other dreams.

But they won't happen. It's just the way it has to be.

Lunch came by and Carlos was bounding around and talking to everyone and once he saw me enter the cafeteria, he smiled brightly and dashed over to me.

"James! We're going to play Westoria tonight, can you come?" he asked me, eyes wide and hopeful. I never could make it to any of his games before. I was always on the stage or in the bed, never even seen him play before. I glanced around and spotted the blond walking off into a secluded area of the cafeteria.

". . .Yeah, I think I can make it," I said and Carlos smiled again. He gave me a hug and went off to catch a teammate leaving with sodas in hand and I went over to where Kendall was eating by himself, slipping down in the spot next to him. He glanced over at me and shuffled over so there was at least an inch between us and I frowned. "You know, you talk a lot of shit to me and yet you let everyone else push you around,"

"I don't. But I wasn't going to let you try and seduce me into not telling anyone about you being a stripper," he said and I shushed him. He rolled his eyes and took a bite of some chips. "Why are you a stripper anyways? You're too young to-"

"Will you at least use another word for 'stripper' so people don't know what we're talking about?" I whispered and Kendall sighed, "Besides, the Parlor allows you to work if you're at least 18,"

"But you're showing off your body to a bunch of perverts. I mean, do your parents even know about this?"

"No my dad doesn't. He doesn't need to know about it either. And as for perverts," I leaned in with a smirk, "you were there too, don't you remember?"

"I told you. My friends _forced _me to go there," he groaned out. Didn't matter, he still went and was still getting an eyeful. He leaned against the wall and sighed. "You know, right after this you have to report down to the sports room,"

". . .Why?"

"Because you ditched too many times and your punishment is to wash the sports jerseys before tonight's game," Kendall explained and my eyes widened, "I thought it would be helpful. At least you won't be doing Saturday school to make up for your unexcused absenses,"

"You signed me up for this?" I asked and he nodded shyly. I crossed my arms in a huff. The bell rang and Kendall stood up, throwing away his trash and standing by me. "Well come on, I'm going to make sure you go,"

"Fuck that. I'm not going,"

Kendall frowned and pulled at my wrist, dragging me along down the hallway. Great, now I'm going to be late for my shift. Kendall's grip went to intertwine with my own fingers, softly curling and rubbing at my own fingers. His pace slowed slightly and he was in step with me and soon it looked like we were just walking along hand in hand.

Like a couple in love.

I felt his hand getting moist with sweat and trembling, the flesh of his skin growing pinker. He was nervous. How cute. I glanced over at him and his face blushed red. We both continued to walk down the hall in silence, him every so often squeezing my hand.

". . .Um, do you. . .isn't it. . ." he mumbled out, biting on his lower lip in nerves.

"I have sex with my clients, is that what you wanted to know?" I blurted out and he glanced down at the ground.

"No. . .maybe yes. . .but you're a-"

"I work as a model on the side,"

". . .You're a prostitute too?"

"Oh shut up. Where's the stupid sports room anyways?" I grumbled out and Kendall stopped in front of a door. He pushed it open and there was already a guy grabbing clothes and putting them into separate baskets. He glanced over and smiled at Kendall, then his eyes fell on me and went blank. Kendall shoved me inside the room.

"Colt, this is James," he motioned towards me, "he'll help you out with the clothes,"

"Oh. . .yeah sure," he said, not making eye contact with me. Wow, rude. Kendall ignored my scowl and pushed me in closer, stepping outside the room and closing the door. I looked back and heard his footsteps moving away from the door and I smirked. Well I guess I will be going after all. Colt made a little cough and I groaned. Yeah, there was still him. "You could sort through these-"

"I'm going," I said and he frowned, freckled nose wrinkling.

"Well you're not going anywhere until you help-ah!" I already pinned him to the ground, smiling over him as he writhed and blushed.

"You're pretty cute," I whispered and he glanced at me, "maybe we can work out a little compromise,"

Lucy and Gabe taught me to always examine the client, see exactly what would make them riled up. Everything that they were feeling appeared on their face, whether they knew it or not. And from Colt's face, he was confused and slightly aroused. I could work with that. "I'm pretty sure all the girls come running for you,"

"N-No they don't. I have too much work to do to be thinking about girls," he stuttered out and I cocked my head to the side. Oh he was the perfect sucker. I licked my lips and lowered my hips down to his, grinding against his erection and he stifled a moan. He looked at the door panicked. "W-Wait, we can't do this. W-What about Kendall?"

"I don't do threesomes," I stated flatly and Colt shook his head furiously.

"No, I don't mean that. What-ngh. Ah~" he moaned again, my hand groping and rubbing at the bulge in his jeans. He bit down on his lip, trying to keep from crying out and bringing attention to the two boys in the sports room should anyone be walking down the hall. Palm Wood was known for two things: it's prestigious academic work designed to keep students focused on a perfect and profitable career and its horn-dog of students that usually ended up fucking each other in every little nook and cranny of the school grounds.

Just like now.

"Do you want me? Do you want me to suck you off? Do you want me to be your personal slut?" I whispered in his ear and I could hear his breath hitch.

"Ngh. . .I. . .ah~" he moaned and I blew softly in his ear, licking around the pink lobe and making a trail all the way down to his neck. My tongue darted over the pink flesh and I began to bite and suck, Colt quickly grabbing onto my head and gasping. He pulled and tugged at my hair and I began to stroke him faster through the jeans, pulling away from his neck to show a perfect bruise. This was too easy. A perfect seduction.

He breathed deeply, closing his eyes and back slowly arching, giving into the pleasure. Just like any boy did under my control. I did away with the zipper, hand already slipping into his pants and grabbing hold of the hardening member and expert fingers working their magic. Colt arched his back and began to thrust into my hand and I smiled. Just as his face read. A horny teenage boy that couldn't get a girl to save his life. His cheeks grew redder and redder and his parted lips whimpered tiny moans and gasps, the wetness of pre-cum beginning to slide and slip through my fingers as I worked the shaft. His dick slipped out of the opening of his pants and was in perfect view, the pre-cum leaking from the slit and pulsing in my hand. "I-I need to-" he stuttered and I squeezed the throbbing member.

"Need to what? Need a release? Just hold on for a little second," I leaned forward and whispered in his ear, my hand moving up in a swift jerk and his eyes practically rolled to the back of his head. I began to dig through my pocket with my free hand, going quicker with the hand busy pleasuring the other boy until I found what I was looking for. Colt clenched his fingers at the floor, moans deep in his throat.

"J-James, ngh. Please. . .faster," he begged, bucking his hips up again and I rolled my eyes. Typical. I fiddled with the object in my hand for a couple of seconds before sliding it on Colt's dick, Colt moaning at the cold and metallic touch. He looked down, eyes hooded with lust and then his eyes widened.

A cock ring. Clever work, James. Clever.

I stood up and grabbed the closest towel I could find, wiping my hand off as Colt sat upright, staring down at his dick and the jewelry clenching it tight.

"W-What is this? What's going on?"

"I have to go now. I'm going to be late for my shift at work," I said, blowing a kiss to Colt. He stared at me and then back down, then back to me again.

"Y-You can't leave me like this!" he shouted and I bent down, running a finger up the ready to explode penis and he threw his head back, a moan growing in his throat. I smiled.

"I can and I will. Have fun!" I replied and Colt's eyes widened as I stood up and walked out the door, Kendall still nowhere in sight.

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><p>Ah, I hope that was well written. Hopefully I'll get better at writing stuff like this. But if not, then I need some work. Well, next chapter is going to be special, along with every other fifth chapter. Seeing as it will be told from Kendall's point of view, so 5, 10, 15 ect. be from Kendall and everything else will be from James. You're starting to slowly find out what James's view of life is like, now you'll know what Kendall's view of life and James will be like too. Well, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and review! And criticism is still well liked!<p> 


	5. ET

Well, here's the next chapter. And like I said before, it's in Kendall's POV this time as will every other fifth chapter. And this one is kind of short in my opinion, like the next chapter. I might upload the next chapter next day. Well, thanks sasukesmyemo394, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, child who is cool, BTRfanatic19, Fang lover23, TakenLiterally and the Anon for the reviews, fav and alerts. Hope you all enjoy this chapter.

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><p><em><strong>'You're so hypnotizing. Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?'<strong>_

What was his problem anyways? I've heard rumors about James Diamond before, but I never thought they were true. Rumors about him sleeping with all of the football team and half of the cheerleaders in the course of two weeks. Rumors about him using sex as a way to get ahead and keep from flunking. It just. . .wasn't possible. The mere thought made my head hurt. But there was something about him though. Something that made him. . .interesting to know. He was kind of cute. And the way he talked to that one guy made him look like a not so bad guy.

And he's a stripper. That was the real interesting part about him.

My eyes weren't fooling me that night. The way that he looked at me when I saw him on that stage, his eyes, _his body_, his scared face said everything about him. A teen that resembled a child being caught guilty for sneaking a cookie out of the cookie jar. Complete and utter guilt. But he didn't want me to know that. I rubbed my forehead and sighed. At least he was doing the laundry and cooperating with me on that. Even if he did look ready to kill Colt at any moment. I stopped outside the door and heard loud gasps and moaning from inside and my heart paused for a few seconds.

He wouldn't dare. But then again, he tried to give me a handjob to keep my mouth shut about the secret. It wouldn't be unbelievable.

But the sight of Colt writhing on the ground, touching his dick gently with _something _silver wrapped around it, was. Colt's eyes looked up at mine and instead of embarrassment, it was desperation.

"Kendall~. . .Quick, get it off. . .I-I'm going to explode," he moaned and continued to fumble with now I saw a silver ring squeezing at the base of his penis. My jaw was already hanging. That slut, he stuck a cock ring on my apprentice and _left _him here? Colt moaned again, trying to pull it off. "H-Hurry! Don't just stand there!"

"What do you want me to do? I don't know how to take it off!" I shouted, quickly locking the door so noone walked in on us. He was turning redder and redder and I groaned, sucking in a deep breath and wrapping my fingers around the ring.

"Ngh, hurry up. . ._ah_," he moaned and I blushed red.

"Stop moaning will you? This is embarrassing already. Just. . .think about something gross so you can go down" I muttered, trying to figure out away to get it off and feeling around the edge of the ring. Colt ignored my request and continued to groan and pant and I found a little bump, pushing on it and it snapped off and I threw the ring off to the side. He quickly turned over so his back faced me to finish off his problem and I averted my gaze.

Great. James escaped and made a fool out of the both of us. Colt's body shuddered and he glanced over his shoulder.

"Could I. . .have a towel?" he asked quietly and I tossed the white fabric at him.

"You mind telling me just what happened?" I growled out and Colt sighed.

"He. . .it just. . .he said I was cute and it just all. . ."

I rolled my eyes and Colt grew silent. I heard the zipper and Colt sat up straight, looking down at the ground in shame. I sighed and pulled the sophomore up to his feet, patting his back. I then looked down at the cock ring and frowned, grabbing a towel and wrapping the silver piece up in it.

"Did he say where he was going?" I asked him and Colt rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Uh, he said he was going to be late for work, so. . ." he started out and I nodded, turning to walk out the door. "K-Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

". . .You're not going to reject my apprenticeship are you?" he asked shyly and I rolled my eyes.

"No, I'm not. Next time, just don't think with your dick," I stated flatly and he blushed, sitting back down and continuing with the laundry.

It didn't take me long to find the usual path down to the 'Parlor'. Mostly because the same crowd of people always hang around in the area. Why was he even down here anyways? It wasn't even nighttime. But I already found myself standing at the door, hand gripping and releasing the golden knob. Should I even bother? It wasn't really worth coming all the way down here to give James back some fetish ring.

James. . .what was with that guy anyways? Why was he so. . .why does he do these things? It wasn't like he had a moral bone in his body with the things that he did. The door swung open and I didn't have anytime to react since a hand reached in and pulled me inside the club. The room was normally lit and it actually looked like a decent and classy place to be at. And the woman that was clenching my shirt looked up at me with a scowl.

"Unless you're here for an escort, business don't open til 10 tonight," she said sternly.

"Um, is James here?" I asked and she raised an eyebrow, looking me up and down. Her face grew more familiar and I remembered. She was the other part of the act James was in, the woman that had seduced and moved and flirted all over the stage that night. She smiled a little at me.

"Why? Are you here for an appointment? I just knew you'll be one of his clients," she said with a teasing smile and my eyes widened.

"N-No, not like that. He just. . .well he left something-"

"What are you doing here?" James voice came from behind me and I turned. He was already out of his normal clothes and in a sort of waiter outfit, except with just a vest, bowtie and ridiculously tight black shorts. I couldn't help but stare. Do they make him wear this when it wasn't time for him to perform? How could he do this job? James began to tap his foot impatiently. "Well are you just going to stare and mentally undress me or tell me what you're doing here?"

"I wasn't undressing you!" I shouted back and he smiled.

"Aw, you're so cute when you pretend to not be nerdy," he mused and I frowned, taking out the wrapped up ring and showing it to James. He only smiled brighter. The woman stared at the ring and then rolled her eyes, walking off and mentioning how she needed a 'fucking drink'.

"How could you put this on him?" I asked and he laughed.

"Tell me, did he manage to get it off himself or did you-"

"That's not the point!"

"Yeah, you took it off for him. Aw, how cute, wish I was there to have seen your face," he mused, taking the ring out of my hands and playing with it. He then looked over at me with a lustful smile. "I could show you how I put the ring on if you want,"

"What for!"

"I don't know. Shits and giggles," he said simply, stepping closer to me and I stepped back.

"Look, I don't want any part in whatever sex fantasies you like. Just keep them away from Colt," I warned and he rolled his eyes.

"You just need to get laid," he stated flatly and I blushed red. I turned and began to stomp out of the club, not wanting to get humiliated any longer until I felt a hand link with my own. "Save a seat for me at the game tonight," James whispered in my ear and I shuddered.

"Why should I? You'll be done doing your daily lap dance?" I snapped and he smiled, the hand that held the ring hovering over my own dick and I quickly pushed it away. "Keep that thing away from me!"

"Promise to save me a seat," he said sternly and I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, just keep it away from me," I said, pushing away the ring again. He smiled and quickly gave me a kiss on the cheek. I swatted it away and he turned, walking up the stairs with more than needed swing in his hips and the shorts riding up slightly to show the curve of his ass. Pervert. Slut.

I need a cold shower.

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><p>Well, that was the fifth chapter. And I'll try to work on Kendall's POV a lot more in the later chapters. I'm just more used to James's. Anyways, for all you Cargan shippers, next chapter's when they meet! And the chapter will probably be up super soon too! So if you all want to see that, review please! And criticisms are still welcome!<p> 


	6. I Can Hear the Bells

Still going to be updating super fast. I got like four of these chapters already typed out and stuff. This is the most I have gotten pre-written for a story and I'm still typing them up. Also because last chapter and this chapter were pretty short. Well, thanks Tall Blonde and Eyebrows, bigtimefreakingrush, Ercassiel-x, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, child who is cool, BTRlover17, hahippy, sum1cooler and Mandithewriter for the favs, reviews and alerts! Hope you all enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>'We'll look down from up above remembering the night that we two fell in love'<strong>_

Carlos was moving crazily fast on the ice. Maybe that's how he gets out all his energy. By skating and ramming into the other opponents like the little wrecking ball of hyperactivity he was. Everyone shouted and cheered as Palm Wood got another point, Westoria not even making an attempt to make a descent game. I looked over to my left at Kendall, who was watching the game with amazement and seriousness. Below him was Colt, who didn't dare to look up at me, but I could see him fondling himself whenever the people had their eyes on a winning goal. Poor thing, probably still sensitive from the ring.

But it was still hell of funny.

The last buzzer rang with Palm Wood at 6 and Westoria at 2. I could barely see Carlos amongst the crowd of cheering teammates huddling together with hockey sticks raised high. Westoria kids were already beginning to leave the rink, heads held high and talking on the cell phones. Maybe that's why they lost. They just didn't give a shit about the sport in the first place. Carlos looked up from his celebration huddle and spotted me in the crowd and waved his hand. I smiled and waved back.

"You know him?" Kendall asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, he's my best friend. We do everything together," I said contently and Kendall raised an eyebrow. I frowned. "Before you say something, no. We don't sleep together,"

"Just wondering," he said with a shrug. Geez, who does he think I am? A guy that drops his pants for anyone? "Well does he know about your. . ." he glanced down at Colt, who was watching the crowd with mild interest, "your 'job'?"

"No. And don't tell him either," I warned.

"I thought you were best friends and did everything together,"

"We are," I said, then glanced down, "but he looks up to me. He respects me. He thinks that I'm going to have a happy future of fame and fortune. . .I don't want to disappoint him. I don't want his view of me crushed,"

". . .It doesn't matter what others think as long as you don't care about them," Kendall said and I shrugged.

"I guess. That's why I don't care what you say about me. I don't give a fuck about you," I said and Kendall shot me a glare.

"So it's alright for me to go around telling people you're a stri-"

"Shut up!" I hissed as two girls walked by. Kendall smirked.

"That's what I thought. I'm still the one with the power," he said and I frowned. No one controls me. If I had dirt on him to make him cower at my feet, I would. Make him beg me not to reveal his secret. Make me feel like I had control over all of his life.

Because I for sure don't have control of my own.

"Come on Colt. Let's go down and talk to the teammates," Kendall said, standing up and making his way down to the floor. Colt glanced up at me and blushed before following the blond down. I rolled my eyes and followed as well. Wasn't anything else to do anyways. Once we began to mingle with the crowd, Carlos managed to find me and pull me aside. Even in the cold of the rink, his cheeks were still rosy red against the tanned skin.

"You enjoyed the game?" he asked me, still gripping onto his hockey stick.

"Yeah, you were great! I'm glad I could have came tonight," I said and Carlos paused a bit.

"Yeah. . .it feels like we never hang out anymore," he said quietly and I bit my lip. Now that I thought about it, he was right. I never see Carlos outside of school. I always was gone at the Parlor, trying to make ends meet. He shuffled from one foot to the other, ice skates dangling in his hands. "But I'm glad that you came. . .it means a lot," he spoke up and I gave a small smile, "I wish we could have played a better school though. Westoria sucks,"

"Gee thanks," a voice replied and I turned. Logan was standing there, still in suited uniform and messenger bag hanging off of his shoulders. And behind him was John. He glanced over at me and gave a nervous cough, trying not to make eye contact. I looked around, probably blushing like crazy. I didn't know why, but it was awkward seeing a client outside the bedroom. And apparently, awkward for them too. Logan glanced between us two and then looked over at Carlos, who gave a nervous wave.

"Uh, sorry. But you guys can barely keep hold of the puck,"

"Well Westoria students don't take pride in their sports. We take pride in our work," Logan explained, though his eyes kept looking over at my face. It was even more uncomfortable when three out of the four in the conversation knew about the skeleton that was pulling them all in the closet. And innocent Carlos was smiling brightly, unaware of the obvious tension. John made another nervous cough and Logan glanced over at his father.

"Well, I think we should get home. Anya has dinner prepared and waiting for the two of us and you still need to practice violin and piano," he said, placing his hand on Logan's shoulder.

"Wow, I guess it is true. Westoria kids are rich," Carlos said dazed and Logan looked over at the Latino. Carlos averted his eyes, twiddling his thumbs and Logan gave a small smile.

"Well not all things about other kids at different schools are true. They said that Palm Wood kids are rude and trashy, but you're. . . sweet and cute," Logan said softly and Carlos looked up, cheeks even redder than before. Logan was turning slightly red and he made a nervous cough as well. "I'll-uh, good game. Maybe I'll see you again at some other match,"

"What's your name?" Carlos blurted out and he shyly looked down.

". . .It's Logan. Logan Mitchell," Logan said quietly.

"My name's Carlos," Carlos said and he looked over at me, "and this is my friend James,"

Logan and John both tensed up once he said that. I looked down in embarrassment as Logan looked around at the emptying rink.

"Oh. . .yeah. . .nice to meet you," he said as politely as possible. "Well, I'll be seeing you then, Carlos. . .and James,"

He waved and pulled his father by the wrist through the crowd, John watching me closely. I puckered my lips for a quick second and he turned red, turning and trying to follow his son through the crowd. Carlos didn't notice my actions, he was just staring ahead where Logan once stood with a dazed expression on his face.

"Carlos? You okay?" I asked and Carlos blinked.

". . .It's nothing," he said dreamily and he shook his head. "Yeah, it's nothing. Hey, do you want to get something to eat? My dad's buying," he offered and I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Nah. . .my dad maybe made something. . .if he isn't drunk yet," I muttered and Carlos made a weak smile.

"Oh. . .well. . .okay. But maybe tomorrow we can hang out, right?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll bring my friend," I said with a devious smile and Carlos tilted his head to the side confused.

"Who's that?"

I jerked my thumb at Kendall, who was awkwardly trying to get through the crowds of hockey players shoving him around like rag doll. ". . .Oh that guy. He gave me a ticket for running in the hall and another ticket for not taking off my helmet,"

"Yeah he can be bitchy at times. . .but I want to find out more about him,"

I want to find that weakness I can use over him. That weakness that will have him begging on his knees.

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><p>There you have it. The beginning of Cargan. And unlike my other story, they'll be having a happy relationship thought the course of the story. . .maybe. Okay, maybe not. But that will be a LONG time before that happens. Well, next chapter goes into a little bit more about James and the Mitchell family. Maybe some of you are curious as to how the scandal waiting to happen came to be or whatever. So, maybe some questions will be answered. And it's going to be up soon too. But that doesn't mean that I don't like reviews! People that are faving and alerting, tell me what you think of the story! It's great to see you guys like it so much to add it to the list, it's even greater when you say so! So review and criticism is still well liked!<p> 


	7. Hold My Heart

Another update! And I still have a bunch of chapters on the computer already typed and ready to go. I just want to leave some space in between updates though. Well, thanks sum1cooler, hahippy, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, child who is cool, Lil' Boy Monster, Buba-Li, DancingFanatic217 and the Anon for the reviews, favs and alert! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Could the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?'<strong>_

The satin of the bedsheets wrinkled underneath my legs as I turned over in the bed. John was beneath me, lying on his stomach and me sitting on his back. I trailed a finger down the slightly freckled skin and he breathed contently.

"Tell me more about your day," I whispered in his ear.

"Mm? It was alright, have a great idea in marketing," he mumbled, face in the sheets.

"Did you fire anyone today?" I asked, hands now trailing all over the back. John turned his face over, a lazy eye looking back at me.

"Why do you always ask me that? Do you want a job?"

"I already have a job. Fucking you and possibly some of your co-workers,"

"Watch it," he said sternly and I raised an eyebrow. I leaned back into the large pillows, spreading my legs wide and thumbs slowly pulling at the white underwear I wore.

"Why? Are you going to punish me?" I asked innocently, though my eyes were surely glazed with lust. John sat up and looked over his shoulder at me and sighed. He got on his hands and knees and crawled over my body, looking down at me as I wrapped my legs around his torso and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Logan likes that friend of yours. . .I think he would like to see him again," John said and I gave a playful lick on his neck.

"Yeah, yeah, now punish me,"

"I think they could be good friends in the future, don't you?"

"Best of friends. Let's have sex,"

"Hm, Logan could use a few more friends in his life. I wouldn't want him growing up like his uncle,"

"Are you going to fuck me or not?" I asked and John slid away from me, sitting on the bed and resting his chin on his fist. I sat up annoyed. "Well fine, be that way,"

"Maybe you could schedule a little play-date for the two of them," he said thoughtfully and I rolled my eyes. Then again, I was supposed to meet up with Carlos later on to hang out. And I needed to somehow convince Kendall to come along too. Maybe a double date would be helpful. Carlos would be distracted by his obvious crush on Logan and I could have Kendall all to myself to pry and find out something to hold over his head. I smiled and crawled over to John, scooting so I could crawl into his lap and wrap my legs around his body again.

"I might be able to set something up tonight. . .but I want something first," I said, giving a little thrust for emphasis. John rolled his eyes.

"Where are you going tonight? Maybe I can drive you all there," he suggested and I frowned. I gyrated my hips again, making sure I added pressure and attacked his neck, biting on the skin and sucking on it.

"Come on~. Forget about Logan for a moment and take me. Right now. I want you now," I moaned in his ear and clenched at his back.

"I'm just thinking about my son in best interest. I'm sure your father-" he stopped at just the right moment and I stopped biting on the flesh to give him a glare.

"Do you think my dad cares where I am? He doesn't even know I'm in bed with another man. He doesn't even know I've been in bed with _several _men,"

He moved his hands to my face and held it gently, thumb moving over my cheek bones.

"I know. And I'm sorry-"

"Don't give me your pity!" I shouted, pushing myself away from him and getting off the bed like it was on fire, "the last thing I need is someone I'm getting paid to have sex with to feel sorry for me and what my life is like,"

". . .James," he said softly and I shuddered. Up until now, he never called me by my name, only calling me 'darling'. Whether if it was to prevent getting attached or to keep my identity business, I never bothered to tell him my name either. He stood up and grabbed onto my hand, his other hand trailing to the back of my head. He kissed the top of my head, then my eyelids, then my lips as softly as he could like I was a porcelain doll and could break at any moment.

I always felt like I was going to break.

"I only want to help you," he whispered. I looked up at him.

"If you wanted to help me, you should have never requested me," I said and his hand stilled on my cheek. I remembered how I first met him. The first moment I saw him.

Lucy didn't want him to be a client of mine, she knew what kind of power he had. And the consequences that came with him if I fucked up big time. But at that moment, that was the only thing that I wanted. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to become famous. Whether that be through my good looks and talent or sleeping with the CEO of a multi-dollar marketing corporation. Which ever came first.

The first night was spent at his home, when Logan was off visiting his mother and the large mansion was completely empty except for us two. He wasn't like the other clients that I ever had, he was a gentleman. He was gentle. He didn't abuse my body the second we walked through the door. He treated it like it was real.

But it could never be real.

I shrugged out of his grasp and grabbed my jeans that were thrown off on the other side of the room. "I'm going,"

"I said I was going to drive you and Logan to your outing," he said, pulling on my wrist and pulling me towards the bed. He gently pushed me down and climbed on top of me, tilting my chin up and giving me another kiss on my lips, "but until then, what do you want to do?" he asked, slowly moving down my neck and kissing it.

"Fuck me. Now," I ordered and he gave a sultry grin, hands beginning to roam my body and dive to touch the heated skin that shivered at his smooth fingers. I wrapped my legs around him again and my arms around his neck, pulling him to catch his lips again more forcefully. And there was a noise. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder, eyes growing blank.

Logan was standing at the door, staring at us. Staring at his father groping and kissing a boy that wasn't much older than himself. And this time I could read the expression painted on his face. Hurt, confusion, pain. And he turned to leave towards the hall, not even bothering to close the door. John quickly hopped off of the bed and grabbed his robe, calling out to his son and chasing after him. Leaving me in the bed to look up at the ceiling and hear the pleading cries of the elder man.

What am I doing here? Why am I here? Is there any reason for me to exist? When all I am is nothing, I mean nothing to no one. Not even my own father. Or the man I give my body in exchange for the fantasy love and money that he should offer. I touched my cheek, feeling the wetness of tears sliding down. It felt like the first time I cried in so long, it felt like I never had any feeling or emotions anymore.

I was empty. Hollow. Nothing could change. Something that I accepted a long time ago.

I slid off the bed and grabbed my jeans, sliding them on and throwing back on my shirt. I grabbed my shoes and socks, placing them on my feet and slipping my keys in my pocket and headed out the room and down the hall. Logan's door was closed and I stopped by it, trying to hear what was going on inside. And though the Mitchells were the richest people that I personally ever knew, the large mansion had very thin walls in some places. Logan's room was a prime example.

"What goes on in your mind when you sleep with him? Is this a mid-life crisis or something?"

"Logan, I know this is hard to explain. What I'm doing. . .it's wrong. It's very wrong and I shouldn't be doing this,"

"Then why are you still doing this? Why are you keeping him around if you want to stop?" Logan's voice asked and I gulped. Why was he keeping me around? Then my mind flashed back to the bedroom. He felt sorry for me. Is that why he was keeping me around? So he can sleep at night knowing that I'm still in a bed with a roof over my head and food to eat? I wanted to punch the wall in anger. I was no one's charity case.

"Logan, think about this. He's a little bit older than you and he's a good kid, just a little misguided,"

"Are you forgetting that _I'm _your son? Because we both have the eyes to prove it," Logan said sternly and I heard John give a light laugh.

"I know you're my son. And I couldn't ask for a better one. But James. . .he doesn't have the same things like we do. He doesn't have the same kind of. . .welcoming feel at his home like you do,"

"Why? Do his parents abuse him? Are they drug heads?" Logan asked. Well, he was close with the drug heads.

"Now don't be asking him about his homelife when you go out tonight,"

". . .WHAT!"

Now the anger that Logan was suppressing busted out and I leaned in closer to the wall to hear. "You expect me to go and 'hang out' with some guy that's sleeping with my dad and is basically _defiling _the Mitchell name and putting _you _at risk! NO!"

"He's bringing his friend. Carlos, was it?" John asked and there was a long pause. Probably Logan thinking the proposal over now that Carlos was involved.

". . .I. . .ugh. . .I don't. . .Carlos seemed nice. . ."

"Give him a chance, he's a really good kid. You just need to know him. There's a reason that he's doing all of this, you just have to respect it. Even though you might not agree with his ways,"

". . .Fine," Logan grumbled and the footsteps inched towards the door. I quickly moved away from the wall and made it seem like I was just passing through when the door opened and out stepped John followed by Logan. He looked at me and quirked an eyebrow.

"You're leaving? I told you, I'm taking you and Logan to the outing,"

"Yeah, I know. I'm just going to. . .maybe I should leave," I said quietly, eyes looking over at Logan. Logan glanced at me too and sighed. He stepped forward and gently grabbed onto my hand, leading me towards the stairs.

"Come on, let's eat before we leave," Logan said softly, slowly pulling my down the steps and to the kitchen. John didn't follow us down, probably deciding to go back to his bedroom and clean up. The kitchen was enormous and felt like it was a kitchen of a large scale restaurant, enough room for as many chefs to cook a buffet if the person wanted. Logan stopped at the island in the center of the kitchen, pulling out a stool for me to sit on and going over to the large silver refrigerator and looking though the glass at the food. "Uh. . .do you like fruit salad? I think Anya still has some left over,"

"Look, let's get something straight here," I said, swiveling in the stool to face the other teen, "I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me on how I live or giving me some special treatment because I live like this,"

"I don't feel sorry for you," Logan said coldly, turning and placing the bowl of fruit salad on the white surface, "I think you're using him. You're sponging off of him because you can't take care of yourself. He's throwing away money for you that should be going into his savings. Why should I feel sorry for you?"

I stared at him as he grabbed two blue bowls and scooped out some of the fruit in each and pushed a bowl in front of me. He took a seat next to me as he twirled a fork in his fingers, watching me closely. "But my father isn't an idiot. And underneath all of the. . .sex and lies and money. . .he must see something in you. And I'm going to be as civil as possible,"

"Until I'm out of your dad's life?" I asked him and he placed a piece of watermelon in his mouth.

". . .Until I know that everything that my dad has worked for is safe," he said quietly and I looked down at the bowl of fruit. I placed a strawberry into my mouth and sucked on the juices contently, some of it dribbling down my lip. I glanced back over at Logan to find him staring at me, eyes on the fruit in my mouth and licking his lips.

". . .What?"

"N-Nothing," he said, flustered and I smirked, taking another strawberry and eating it slowly. He shifted in his seat and tried to stare at the bowl in front of him.

It seems like I'm a weakness to the Mitchell men. I won't be leaving for a long time.

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><p>And that's that chapter. Next one is the outing. And there will be some Kames at the end with some Cargan in the beginningmiddle. And it will probably be up on Saturday or maybe even earlier than that. Well, give me some reviews please! And criticism is still well liked!


	8. Funplex

Next chapter up already! And there's still a bunch of chapters already typed up and there's some major Kames at the end of this chapter with a dash of Cargan fluff here and there. Well, thanks ., Lil' Boy Monster, H Koutalidou Aligizaki, child who is cool, Sum1cooler, EvilGeniusBookWorm13 and hahippy for the reviews, favs and alerts! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'I'm a pleasure seeker shoppin' for a new distraction'<em>**

Getting Kendall to come take a ride in the Benz was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. It wasn't like we were tying him up and throwing him in the back of some rusted down pick-up truck. But maybe because the fact that I was along for the ride made him not want to go. The three of us sat in the back while John drove in silence, none of us even looking at the other person in the car. Kendall was obviously uncomfortable by the way he kept on shifting and squirming in his seat. Logan obviously didn't want to be there, he just was going to make his dad happy.

And to see Carlos. But I'm sure he won't admit it if I asked him.

"So. . .um," Kendall started off quietly, "what are we going to do?"

"We're going to see a movie. Then get something quick to eat and then go to our respective homes," Logan replied, eying me when he said 'respective homes'. Apparently I'm not going back to the Mitchell residence with them. I wrinkled my nose and Logan continued to glare at me. Kendall was watching us with curious eyes and I shifted a bit, resting my head on his shoulder and he jumped.

"What are you doing!"

"Stop being a spaz and shut up," I grumbled, closing my eyes and enjoying the silence that followed. Was my life so messed up that I couldn't do anything innocent anymore? Did I became that corrupted? But I didn't want to do anything like that. I just wanted for one moment to have fun, to be the teenage guy that I was supposed to be hanging out with (kind-of) friends. Not some slut that sleeps around and makes a living off of getting naked. I wanted to leave that James behind tonight.

At least for one night.

I felt an arm wrap around me and a hand trace circles in the sleeve of my arm gently, then moving up to my hair and play with the strands. The way the hand shook when I took a small breath of comfort made me know it was Kendall. He continued to stroke my hair and my arm, playing with the buttons on my sleeve and going back to my hair. Back and forth like he didn't know which part to touch. I felt my face grow hotter and it was more difficult to pretend that I was sleeping and not open my eyes to look up into his face. To see what his face looked like. Maybe it was bored. Or maybe it was intrigued.

Or maybe it was loving.

The car stopped moving and Kendall gave a little nudge of my arm.

"Uh, we're here," Kendall said and I opened my eyes, leaning away from him and stretching my arms out. Logan was already out of the car looking at his surroundings and Kendall was having difficulty unbuckling his seatbelt, pulling and tugging on the strap.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I'm fine,"

". . .Cause you look like you do-"

"I'm fine," Kendall said sharply and ended up making the seatbelt tighter on his body. I rolled my eyes and leaned over his lap to get to the belt buckle, emitting a loud gasp. I fumbled with the buckle for a bit, then finally snapped it open. I glanced up at his red face and sighed, sliding my hand off the silver buckle and over his jeans, fingers running over a slight bulge. I bit down on my lip to keep from laughing. An hour of driving in the car with me and he's already getting hard? Looks like Colt wasn't the only horny teenage boy.

And in a second my mind flashed. What was he thinking about when he was touching me? Something sexual? Touching me and feeling me. Wanting my body. Kendall wants me? Does he? I don't want him though. But he is cute. Maybe I do want him. Maybe at least a quick fuck. Just unzip and go down on him. Logan and John won't notice. Just to see if Kendall's worthy of another sex break. Fuck him, James. Bite him. Suck him off. Strip his clothes. Bounce on his lap. Make him moan your name. Fuck him. _Fuck him_.

I quickly got out of the car and stood by the tree, far away from the other and looking down at the grey cement. What was that? Why did I. . .I can't get away. I could never get away. John called out to me and I turned, slowly making my way over to the group and walking along with them down to the center. Carlos was sitting by the fountain and smiled when he saw me. Then once he saw Logan, his eyes brightened and he smiled even bigger. Logan was blushing already and gave a polite wave at Carlos.

"Call me when you're about ready to leave," John said to his son, giving him a pat on the back. He glanced at me and gave me a sweet smile and wave. I waved back and Logan frowned, rolling his eyes and walking over to Carlos. Carlos jumped up and gave Logan an unexpected hug, then quickly let go and held his arms to the side, embarrassed.

"So, let's get going before all the good seats are taken," Carlos said, looking down at Logan's hand and shyly pulling the boy along. Kendall glanced over at me and looked red.

"So. . ."

"You can hold my hand. I don't care,"

"I-I wasn't going to ask that," Kendall stuttered and I held my hand out. The blond looked at me before wrapping his hand around mine, fingers curling around each other and we continued to walk. People ignored Carlos and Logan, dismissing it as just a far too excited friend trying to show a preppy boy something. When people saw me and Kendall walking together, they stopped and stared and whispered amongst themselves. Kendall's hand grew sweaty again and squeezed mine tightly and gave a nervous cough. "People are staring,"

"What's your point?"

". . .Nothing. I'm not embarrassed or anything,"

"You shouldn't. I'm pretty hot," I said and Kendall rolled his eyes as we finally caught up to the other half of our group. Carlos was busy talking to Logan about his hockey games and Logan was nodding and smiling with great interest as he paid for both of their tickets. He looked over at me and I raised an eyebrow, patting my empty pockets. Logan groaned and pulled out some more money to pay for me and Kendall's tickets, giving me a glare as he handed over the two red pieces of paper.

"So, um, I'll find some seats," Carlos said to Logan once we all were in the lobby and smiling like crazy. Logan was smiling and nodding as well.

"Cool, I'll buy the popcorn and candy,"

"I-I like Milk Duds," Carlos said shyly.

"Okay, I'll get a big box for you,"

"O-Okay," he said and they were both still grinning at each other and not moving in the slightest. I couldn't help myself.

"You two are so awkward it's adorable," I cooed and both of them looked at me then at each other and blushed. Carlos pulled me along with him while Kendall stayed with Logan to get the food and repeating 'I can't believe you said that' over and over again.

I didn't really pay attention to the movie that Logan paid for, it was a horror movie though. A real cheezy, cheap horror film that showed blood and gore every ten minutes just to make sure you weren't falling asleep. And the couples that were there were screaming and holding each other in their arms to shield themselves from the killer on screen. Carlos was grabbing onto me and hiding behind my arm, peeking over it to see when it was over. Kendall kept twitching in his seat, maybe because he wanted to grab onto something but it would cause an awkward moment that he didn't want to go through. Logan was surprisingly getting into it, shouting at the dumb girl that went down into the basement when all of the lights were gone out and friends nowhere in sight. Carlos gripped onto Logan at one moment when the killer popped out from behind a tree.

And held onto him the rest of the movie.

The movie ended with the killer still on the loose and the survivors looking off into the sunset to angst about their friends being killed off. Real lousy ending. But Logan was eating it up, Carlos was still stunned from holding onto Logan for half and hour and Kendall looked like he won't be sleeping tonight.

"So what do you want to eat?" Logan asked Carlos more than me and Kendall. The more that I looked at it, the more Logan was trying to turn this into him and Carlos's first date. But Carlos was too naïve and shy to make it more than just a friendly outing. So the Latino turned and asked me what I was in the mood for. I glanced over at Logan's semi-bitter face and patted Carlos on the shoulder.

"You know what? How about you go with Logan and I'll go with Kendall to get something to eat. We'll meet up later in the center's promenade and eat there," I suggested, giving a gentle shove and Carlos looked at me, face a mixture of helplessness, happiness and confusion. Logan didn't wait for Carlos to respond to me, he grabbed onto his hand and pulled him out to the nearest sandwich shop. I looked over at Kendall.

"Burgers or pizza?" I asked.

"Burgers, I guess," Kendall said softly and I nodded.

Kendall walked slowly and had his head down, not really looking up at me or trying to talk to me. He made a nervous cough and stuck his hands in his pockets, giving a tiny glance at me. "So. . .did you like the movie?"

"It was a boring, senseless piece of gore and a waste of Logan's forty dollars," I stated flatly and Kendall shrugged.

"I don't know. . .it was kind of scary," he muttered and I smirked.

"I saw you jumping in your seat. You don't like scary movies?" I asked, nudging him in the arm and making chicken clucks with my tongue. Kendall blushed and nudged me back, frowning.

"Shut up," Kendall muttered and I continued to knock myself into him, smiling brightly at his embarrassment. Kendall looked around his surroundings, eyes falling on a music store and he quickly ran inside to get away from me mocking him. I rolled my eyes and followed him inside.

Kendall was searching through the mountain piles of records and CDs, not noticing me or trying to ignore me sneaking up behind him. His hands were trembling on the case of the CD as I gave a light blow in his ear and he jumped, turning and giving me a glare. "Could you just stop that?"

"Stop what?" I asked innocently, taking the CD out of his hands and tossing it off somewhere else on the shelf.

"Making me feel. . .weird. I know you don't like me like that so you shouldn't be leading me on like this," he snapped, face red. I raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer to him, hands on both sides of his hips and clenching the rack so he wouldn't go anywhere.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked and Kendall frowned.

"It's your job to just appeal to people's emotions and get them riled up. It's not like there's any love behind it, why should I be any different?"

". . .Are you saying just because I'm a stripper I lost all ability to love someone and see everyone as a sex buddy?" I asked quietly, my mouth turning into a scowl.

"Well. . .when was the last time you had a steady relationship?" he asked and I grabbed at his grey shirt and threw him against the listening wall, the headphones being knocked off the hook and dangling by the cord.

"First of all, it's none of your business what my love life is like. Second, who the fuck do you think you are to say I just want to sleep with anything that moves and nothing more when _you _had a boner from just riding in the car?" I hissed and Kendall tried to throw me into the wall across from us but I had a stronger grip on the blond. "You know what? I thought I did like you and was going to help out your little problem," I eyed the now growing bulge in his pants and smirked, "but since you think I'm a slut, you were probably expecting that,"

"N-No I wasn't,"

"And when its so obvious that you want me in your pants-"

"Or maybe it's the other way around," Kendall spoke and I stared at him. He used my stunned moment as an advantage and quickly pushed me against the other wall, hands pinning mine above my head. Almost like the way I pinned him when I confronted him about my job. "Maybe you're attracted to me and want my body. But just can't stand that I won't give into you,"

I stared at him with a dark glare and he continued to smile at me. That smile disappeared when I rubbed my knee against his erection and he gasped. I pushed him into the other wall again, this time people looking over at what we were doing. I gave them a smile and grabbed the two sets of headphones, shoving one on Kendall's head and placing the other on mine. The people continued to shop and I turned to Kendall, my hips grinding against his. "W-We're in a public store!"

"So?" I breathed, the music beginning to play in my earphones a loud techno song with the bass bumping in my ear. It wasn't like any of the other teens that were in here listening to music weren't grinding up against each other, Kendall was the only one making a big deal out of it. My hands slid up to his blond hair and grey beanie, fingers threading through the fabric and hips rolling against his. I couldn't hear Kendall's voice over the music but I saw his lips whisper 'Slut'. I smirked as he closed his eyes and leaned his head on the back of the listening wall as I continued to roll my hips against his sliding and bucking ones, making a friction that sent shocks up my spine in pleasure and made Kendall's lips part and take in little moans and breaths. His hands started to roam my back, clenching onto my shirt and then sliding along jean-covered legs. I leaned in a little bit, giving a small kiss to his neck and giving a playful bite to his neck before pulling away and kissing his hair. He looked up at me and his light green eyes held something in them that I never saw before. Something that made them sparkle and shine instead of being hooded and dark. I stared into his eyes and his hand went up to the back of my head, his other hand resting on my gyrating hip and rubbing it softly.

And he started to lean his face forward, eyes beginning to flutter close and chapped lips inching towards mine. I pulled my head back and the headphones snapped off my head and Kendall opened his eyes to see me four feet away from him.

"What are you doing?" he asked and my eyes widened.

"What am I doing? What are _you _doing?" I gasped out and Kendall took the headphones off.

"I. . .I just thought-"

"Dude, I was joking. I was just trying to rile you up for payback," I explained and my eyes lightened, "and it worked,"

Kendall looked down to find a stain on the front of his beige pants and quickly covered himself, looking around the store in fright. He took off the jacket and tied it around himself to cover up the stain and I laughed. "You look ridiculous,"

"You know what James?" Kendall said with hiss and I shivered. He looked at me, face red and the eyes shimmering with hurt, "fuck you. Tell Logan I got another ride home, cause I want to be as far away from you as possible,"

He stormed out of the music store and I leaned against the wall and sighed. I couldn't get away from the James that screwed up everything. The James that wouldn't let something go.

When he didn't have anything else left to lose.

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><p>Okay, and that was that chapter. Next chapter brings back Colt (with the sexual tricks from James) and also a new character. I'm trying not to swamp this story with OC's but I think the new character and one more will be last to the major cast. One an ally and the other the villain of the story. But I'll wait until that happens. Until then, please review!<p> 


	9. Scott Pilgrim

And back with the next chapter. James/Colt smut in the beginning (the usual manipulation) and back with the sexual tension of Kames. And a new character that will be more of a developer for both James and Kendall's relationship. But until then, she might be annoying. Oh well, it is what it is. Anyways, thanks to RainyDaysTakeMyBreathAway, wassupshortyshortz-BTRlover, gameboy33349, Michelle550, StrawberryYogurt, EvilGeniusBookworm13, child who is cool, sum1cooler, KxJ luver, hahippy and the Anon for the reviews, favs, and alerts! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'You can't stand to see me that way'<em>**

I didn't skip school today like I usually did, even the teachers were surprised to find me sitting at the desk, though not really any intention to learn anything new. The only reason I wanted to stay was to find Kendall. And tell him I'm. . .yeah, just talk to him and stuff. I didn't know why he got upset anyways, I gave him what he wanted. Me grinding up against him and making his fantasies come true. But I didn't see him all time during the school day, not even in the hallways where he was supposed to act out his duties.

But I did see Colt. And that was one good lead as to where the blond was. The small brown-haired boy was standing by the exit of the school, books in hand and struggling to walk with the crowd leaving as the bell rang. I grabbed his shoulder and gently pulled him back, his eyes looking up at me and getting frightened as I smiled.

"Colt, did you see Kendall today?"

"H-He didn't come today. I-I need to drop off his homework at his job,"

"Why don't you let me do that? Just tell me where he works at," I said, gently trying to pry the books out of his hands. Colt held the books closer to him and I raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think that's a good idea to try and keep something from me? I'm going to get what I want,"

"I'm prepared for whatever you got for me," Colt said strongly, crossing his legs slightly. I smirked and pushed the younger boy into the empty classroom behind us, closing the door and locking it with a click. Colt was already squirming where he stood, the bravery that was in the hall being replaced with the nerves. I smiled and stepped closer to Colt, pushing him onto the teacher's desk and playing with the buckle on his jeans.

"Let me guess. You did some nerdy research on cock rings?" I asked and Colt gave an embarrassed nod. ". . .Hm. . .but what if I won't use a cock ring on you this time?"

". . .Then what are you going to do to me?" he asked softly and I smiled, reaching into my own bag and making sure Colt didn't see the object in my hands. I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips and he closed his eyes, softly pressing back. He pulled away embarrassed and I smiled, kissing him again and this time my tongue slipping into his innocent mouth. He moaned slightly, tongue rolling over mine and twirling in his mouth as I bit and sucked on his lower lip. Then he stopped, feeling the leather tightening on his wrists and I smirked.

"We're going to play good cop bad cop," I said with a smile and licked at his ear lobe, "except the good cop just stepped out and the naughty cop has to get the secret out himself,"

"Kendall will hate me if you find out. He doesn't want to see you," Colt said, trying to struggle against the leather cuffs. I rolled my eyes and pulled out two more cuffs, these ones going on his ankles and keeping his feet bound tight. Then I pulled out a blindfold and covered the worried eyes. "You carry this stuff around you all the time?"

"It's for someone else. They're into this sort of thing," I said, thinking on one of my clients and her fetish for being tied up. She always let me keep some of her gear just in case I wanted to practice and find some new ways to make her moan in pleasure.

Now I was using them to just humiliate Colt.

Colt gasped as I lifted his shirt a bit, tracing a path on his stomach and down to his buckle again. "Where does Kendall work at?"

"Nope. I won't. You got me last time, but I'm not going to fall for it again," Colt said and he threw his head as I rubbed at his erection. "Ngh, I won't. . .I can't. . ."

I smirked, unzipping his jeans and feeling him through his boxers, the teen making slight moans and gasps. I kissed him again, tongue darting through and exploring every inch of his warm mouth. My hand slipped into his boxers and pulled out his dick, already leaking with pre-cum and I smiled. Colt was silent for a moment. Then he let out a loud moan as my lips wrapped around the head and sucked on it, my head bobbing up and down on the shaft. He spread his legs wider and moaned loudly, not caring if anyone staying after school could hear him from the halls. He panted my name over and over again and I closed my eyes and hummed, his dick giving a little twitch in my mouth.

And I thought about what Kendall said. How I played on people's emotions and didn't give anything in return. Just like I was doing with Colt. But he didn't love me. . .I hope he didn't love me back. He shouldn't, the way I was messing with his head. But the more he kept moaning my name, small tones of weakness in his light voice, made me wonder just was going on in the young boy's head. Or better yet, why does he keep going on with this instead of calling for help? I pulled off with a loud pop and looked at the boy, giving a little lick along the hard member and tongue swirling around the tip.

"Ready to tell me now?"

"Ah. . .n-no. I won't. Kendall trusts me. I'm not going to screw things up again," Colt moaned out. He's like Kendall's own version of Carlos, trusting and loyal. I smiled and reached into my pocket, pulling out another cock ring and sliding it on Colt's dick yet again and Colt groaned. I gave his dick a squeeze and smirked.

"You know, this would be very scandalous for someone to find you blindfolded, bound and with a ring on your dick wouldn't it?" I whispered in his ear and Colt froze.

"You wouldn't,"

"I left you before, but Kendall was here to save you. But he's not now. I could untie your hands and you can get the stuff off yourself, but first tell me where he works at,"

Colt wriggled around in his spot on the desk and sighed. "He works at Rocque Records, the CD shop two blocks from here,"

I smiled and untied the leather straps, giving him small kisses on the lips and muttering 'good boy' in his ear. I untied the blindfold and he looked at me with eyes filled with shame. Hurt. Used. And I looked at him, giving another kiss to his lips and nibbling on the lower lip while my hand went down to stroke him slowly. He shuddered and looked down at my hand moving up and down and then back at me.

"James. . ." he said quietly and I kissed him again.

"I'm just finishing this off. So you don't go telling Kendall you were sexually abused by me again," I said, trying not to have any feeling behind my words and I kissed his lips and his nose, head resting on his shoulder and hearing his tiny moans in my ear. His hands went to clutch onto my shoulders to hold me steady and I grabbed onto the desk to brace my self.

"James. . .ah. . .AH!" Colt moaned and I felt the warm stickiness cover my hand and Colt's body shook under my chin. I pulled away, looking at the cum dripping from my fingers and brought one finger up to my lips, tasting the sweet and sour fluid. Colt handed me a tissue and I took the white sheet in my hand, wiping the white stuff off. I grabbed another tissue and began to wipe up Colt's dick but he took the cloth out of my hands. "I-I'll take it from here,"

I gave a little smile and kissed his forehead, grabbing my bag and the books and leaving the room without another word.

Rocque Records was completely empty save for the two people that were staring at the same CD rack. Maybe because people were all at the Hawk Records store across the street. Not that this place is a dump, but Hawk Records was ten times more hi-tech and ritzy. Rocque Records looked like it came straight out of the 60s. One thing's for sure, this place needed a makeover. I spotted Kendall organizing a row of CDs and I smiled, sneaking up behind him and placing my hands over his eyes.

"Who's this?" he asked and I smiled, leaning into his back and he shuddered. ". . .Fuck. How did you find me here?"

"How did you know it was me?" I asked, removing my hands and he turned to give me a glare.

"Who else presses up on me like a slut?" he hissed and I smirked.

"You know, you always call me a slut. You wouldn't like it if I always called you a nerd,"

Kendall frowned, taking a stack of CDs and walking away from me and I followed close behind. "What are you doing here anyways?" Kendall asked annoyed and I pulled out the books. He looked at them and raised an eyebrow. "I thought I told Colt to bring my work. . .oh god, don't tell me you got something worse than a cock ring on him,"

"No, he's fine," I said, placing the books on the counter, "I just wanted to tell you something,"

"Well I don't care what you have to say," he said, continuing to sort through the CDs, "I have to finish up here and then I have a gig and then finish this homework-"

"Gig? You're in a band?" I asked, leaning my chin on the palm of my hand. "That's pretty sexy,"

Kendall stared at me for a few seconds before rolling his eyes and fumbling with the CDs.

"Y-Yeah. I'm the bass player-"

"Ooh, that's a whole less sexy," I muttered and Kendall shot me a glare, pushing the stack off to the side and crossing his arms.

"You know, a lot of people talk shit about the bass player and always want the lead singer or the guitarist. Well guess what? Can anyone pound out a groove on a guitar? NO. Those riffs that make girls get their panties wet, those are BASS grooves! There are a BUNCH of bass players in the world that are famous and people forget that hey, they rocked too! Paul McCartney, BASS player. Nikki Sixx, BASS player! I mean-"

"Sheesh, don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm just kidding," I said, stopping Kendall from his rant and he bit his lip blushing and continued to stack the CDs, "besides, I'm pretty sure I have to think the guy is kind of hot to be grinding up on him like I did you,"

". . .Look, I want to forget about that," Kendall muttered and I leaned in closer, pushing aside his CD stack and grabbing his hand. "I don't want you touching me. You're a manipulative slut and I want you out of the store, _now_,"

"What's going on?" a girl's voice piped up and she walked from behind Kendall. She gave a look at me and frowned, "Well, well. It's James Diamond,"

". . .Do I know you?" I asked and Kendall was looking between us too. She scoffed.

"Julia Tinkler. You slept with me at Sam's party and then slept with my little sister Jenny right afterwards," she said flatly and Kendall looked away nervously. I paused, trying to remember as she continued on, "So what are you doing now? Slutting it up around school and my job?"

". . .I thought you were a lesbian. Why are you getting so mad at me?" I said and she gave a deeper frown. Kendall looked at Julia.

"You're a lesbian?" he asked bluntly and she hit him in the stomach.

"Look, what the fuck do you want?" she asked me and I scoffed.

"Wow, rude customer service. No wonder you guys have no people in here,"

"Does it look like I give a fuck if there are people in here or not?" she asked, brown eyes glaring at me and there was a third voice, this one even louder and angrier than Julia's.

"HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE!" a large man shouted, cup of instant coffee in one hand and orange sunglasses in the other. Kendall bit his lip and rolled his eyes.

"Gustavo, everything's all right. Just dealing with an annoying customer,"

"Annoying huh? Well as long as he's in _here _and not over at Hawk's, you treat him and his money with respect! Now get what he wants!" the manager shouted and went back into his office, slamming the door with a loud shut. Julia looked over at me and forced a dead smile on her face.

"Welcome to fucking Rocque Records, how may we fucking help you, you fucker,"

"You have issues obviously, so I'll just talk to Kendall," I said and she grabbed a stack of CDs, cursing as she walked away. Kendall looked at me and I grabbed a key chain out of the bowl sitting on the counter. "I'll buy one of these,"

"That will be five dollars,"

". . .It's 98 cents,"

"You qualify for the 'douche-bag tax'," Kendall deadpanned and I smirked, leaning in and rubbing his hand.

"How about I pay 98 cents and I make up for the rest on a date," I said and he glanced up at me.

"You're asking me on a date? Are you serious?"

"Why not? I think you're judging me before you really get to know me. I'm not just a slut,"

". . .But you're not denying you are,"

I smirked and kissed his hand softly, looking up at him through my eyelashes. His eyes were amazed and shining with a light blush spreading across his cheeks. "Maybe you can play me a sexy groove on your bass," I said softly.

"He's not fucking interested," Julia's voice came from behind me and I rolled my eyes. I must have been really bored to sleep with someone as bitter as her.

"I'm fine Julia," Kendall said dazed, still staring at me and I smiled. I gave him another kiss on the hand.

"So I'll see you tomorrow at the Palm Wood Park for a picnic?" I asked and Kendall slowly nodded.

"Yeah. . .see ya there," he said softly and I blew a kiss goodbye. Then I turned to Julia and gave her a wink. Her eyes widened and she pointed at the door in a fury.

"Get the fuck out NOW!" she shouted and I strolled out, head held high.

I got what I wanted. Just don't screw up again this time, James.

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><p>And well, that's that. And next chapter will be in Kendall's POV due to it being five chapters already. So you get a perspective of the date from Kendall's view. And I want to already introduce the 'villain' of the story already so we can really begin to dig into the drama. Because there's a lot of stuff that goes down that'll be crazy. Well, hope you all enjoy the story and please review! Constructive criticism is still well liked if needed!<p> 


	10. I Won't Say I'm In Love

And the next chapter is up! I hope this chapter was okay, because I rewrote it a bunch of times and I still don't think it went real right. Oh well, I tried. Well, thanks to StrawberryYogurt, tmmdeathwishraven, The Savage Soul, RainbowRoses9001, sum1cooler, Lil'Boy Monster, Evilgeniusbookworm13 and child who is cool for the reviews, favs and alerts! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'I thought my heart had learned it's lesson. It feels so good when you start out,'<em>**

I stepped back and forth, staring at the bass that rested in its case. Should I even bother to go? What if he was just playing with me again? Like he messed with me at the music store. How he used me. How he always uses people. . .okay, maybe I shouldn't go. But at the same time, there was something in my chest that made me want to go. Something that made me put everything in my head aside and think only about James. Of all people, I wasn't sure why I thought about him.

I sighed, grabbing the bass case and slinging it over my shoulder, slipping on a beanie and heading out my bedroom. Katie was sitting on the couch, reading though her homework and looked up to see me slipping on my shoes and the bass on my back.

"You have a gig today?" she asked, closing her book.

"No. . .I'm just going to hang out with a friend,"

She jumped up and pulled out a couple set of papers.

"Is it the guy in the Benz? Cause if he's a major producer, I want to be your manager," she said with a smile and I rolled my eyes.

"Trust me, it's just a friend. Nothing serious or businesslike," I said and she raised an eyebrow, stepping closer to me.

"Is it a girl that's a friend? Or is it just a guy?"

"Just a guy," I said with a groan and grabbed my keys. I walked over and gave her a kiss on the head. "Tell mom I'll be back by seven. Bye baby sister,"

"Don't sign anything I wouldn't," she warned with a smile and I smiled back, patting her on the back and leaving out the front door.

I didn't live far from Palm Wood Park, so it wasn't that much of a walk. It was nice though, to see the scenery of the park and the people smiling and laughing around. And there was a perfect spot right by a large oak tree with leaves that were green as the fresh grass beside it and flowers that were beginning to bud and bloom. James wasn't anywhere in the park, maybe he was working. I really wasn't sure how his whole job even works.

I sat on the grass and set my bass to the side, watching everyone and keeping a look out for the tall boy. Maybe I should have brought some food, what if he thought I would bring the food? Then again, that would be so uncultured for him to take me out on a. . .an outing and not even bring the food. But then again, he had very loose morals inside that stylized head of his. What would have been his idea of a first date?

Not that this is a date. It's an outing. Just an outing, Kendall.

"Any sign of him yet?" a voice spoke up and I jumped, looking up into the tree to find Julia sitting in it and dressed all in black. She jumped down with binoculars in hand and sat down beside me as I gave her a confused look.

". . .What are you doing here?"

"Kendall, I have been your friend for three years and I am not going to let some fucker-"

"There are kids at this park," I whispered and she rolled her eyes.

"Some 'jerk' stand you up because he's busy screwing with someone else,"

"Well, it's alright. It's not like this is a date," I said with a shrug and she gave me a look.

"Not a date? Then if this is 'not a date', why did you bring your bass?"she asked, hand patting my case and I blushed. "If it wasn't a date, you wouldn't be trying to impress him,"

"Who said I was trying to impress him? I'm just. . ." I didn't even have an explanation for bringing the stupid bass. Why was I trying to impress James anyways? Especially with all that he's done to me. Embarrassing me. Humiliating my friends. And with Julia, apparently turning them into crazy psychopaths that spy on dates.

Not a date. Not a date.

Her eyes moved off towards the distance and then settled onto a figure and she frowned.

"There he is," she said, moving the binoculars to her eyes and looking through them. I had to squint to see who she was talking about. James was walking towards us, not noticing Julia and carrying a blanket and a picnic basket. He did remember to bring something. I started shoving Julia away.

"Quick. Get out of here,"

"If he runs out on you, I will be so pissed off," she started to grumble.

"Goodbye Julia," I said, shoving her away and she rolled her eyes and ran off to another part of the park to probably spy. As long as James didn't see her. I didn't want the da-outing to turn into another brawl. James was smiling and he opened up the blanket, setting it down in the grass and then sitting on it. He patted a spot next to him and I blushed, pulling my bass along with me.

"So you did bring it," he said with a sly smile and I blushed, feeling like a tool even more. He leaned back on his palms, smiling bright at me. "Play something,"

"Um. . .how about we eat something first and then later I'll play,"

"No, play something,"

"I said later-"

"NOW," James ordered and I frowned, grumbling as I took out the instrument. Geez, what a princess. My fingers rested on the strings as my other hand held the pick shakily, watching James' curious eyes. And I slowly began to play a tune, fingers going sloppy at first from nerves and slowly beginning to regain confidence. He closed his eyes, lips drawing in small breaths and then his voice came out in a soft whisper. "It's the time of the season. . .when the love runs high. . .in this time, give it to me easy. . .and let me try with pleasured hands. . ." he softly sung and I stopped, staring at him with questioning eyes. He opened his eyes and glanced over at me. "Why'd you stop?"

"You knew what I was playing?"

"Duh. What, you thought I just listen to the stripper music I take my clothes off to?"

"N-No. I just. . .didn't knew you liked that kind of music,"

"Well, there's a lot of things you don't know about me," he said quietly, taking two sandwiches out of the picnic basket. "I didn't know what kind of sandwich you liked, so I asked Colt and he told me," he said and I raised an eyebrow.

"Speaking of Colt, I asked him about how you got to deliver my books," I mentioned and James tensed up a bit, pulling out two ice-blended coffees.

"Really. . .what did he say?"

". . .He said you sucked him off,"

"I can't believe he told on me!" James shouted and my eyes widened.

"You did that to him? I was only lying to see what would you say!"

"Oh. . .tricky," James said with a scowl and I frowned, pushing away the sandwich and grabbing my bass. "Where are you going?"

"Home. You proved that you are a total slut and I'd rather be at home," I hissed and James pouted, crossing his arms. He reached out a hand and grabbed onto my wrist, pulling me back down onto the blanket and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight.

"Don't go. I won't mess with his head anymore if you stay, I promise," he whispered and I groaned, pushing away from him and giving us at least two feet of space apart. He smiled a bit, then grasped lightly at the blanket. "So. . .nice weather we're having. . ."

"Why did you invite me out?" I asked and he shrugged, fingers now moving to the grass to play with the blades of greenery.

"I just wanted to say. . .sorry for the. . .mall incident,"

". . .You shouldn't play on people's emotions, it just isn't right,"

"You mean I shouldn't use sex as a way to get what I want?" he asked, leaning forward with a smile and I leaned back.

"Well, was that what you really wanted? For me to hate you or for me to get riled up. . .or for me to actually begin to feel like I liked you?"

"It was hormones, you don't like me," he said flatly and I shuddered. Well he seemed confident for that, but for some reason I couldn't find any reason to agree with him. It felt like everything that I thought about recently was the brunette stripper. What goes on in his mind, what makes him tick, why he was the way he was. Maybe he was starting to grow on me a little bit, but I just didn't want to admit it. I couldn't admit it and then let him use that as a way to manipulate me. Like he was doing with Colt. Like he done with Julia.

". . .Well, do you like me?"

". . .Why do you ask?"

"Because. . .curious. . ."

". . .You're cute. . .but you're too inexperienced to be with me. I mean, even Colt had seen more action than you,"

"How so?"

"In the past couple of weeks he's been jerked off, sucked off and made out with. If we were dating, all we needed to do was fuck each other and that was it,"

". . .Please don't do that to him. Just don't,"

James rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't, don't spaz about it. But honestly, have you even kissed a girl or been on a date?"

". . .No,"

"Cup a feel?"

"What?"

"Boobs, moron. Have you ever grabbed a chick's boobs. Or ass,"

I was already squirming on the blanket and he smiled. He leaned on his hands and laughed loudly. "You're such a nerd, it's sad,"

He continued to laugh and I frowned. Maybe I should just go home, at least it will spare me anymore embarrassment. He then glanced over at me, leaning forward until his nose was brushing against mine. He opened his eyes and stared into my currently confused and nervous ones, a hand snaking up my arm and another hand grazing my cheekbone. "But I must say, the nerdy virgin type works for you," he said in a low whisper and I gulped. We both sat together, neither of us making any movements and just staring at each other. I felt my heart quicken as his breath ghosted over my lips. And I felt my mouth moving faster than my brain could think.

"If I kissed you, would you think I'm stupid?" I blurted out and then bit my lip. James raised an eyebrow, tilting his head from side to side as if he was weighing his options. Then he leaned in closer, lips so dangerously close and I closed my eyes, trying to keep my heart from beating out of my chest.

Then the heat disappeared once more and I opened my eyes to see James gripping tightly on the blanket. ". . .What is it?"

"Why are you doing this?" James asked and I raised an eyebrow, "you tried to kiss me in the music studio, you want to kiss me now. . .you don't like me, do you?"

". . .What if I did like you?"

"I wouldn't believe it. It's just lust clouding your mind,"

"But maybe I do-"

"No you don't!" James shouted and then wrapped his arms around himself. "You don't feel that way about me. I just mess with your head, I'm just some slut that likes people under his thumb. . .you can't like me. . .I'm nothing. . ."

This was the first time that I ever seen James like this, his hair swooping down to cover his eyes from my view. He made a small laugh, "I just wanted you to not be mad at me, not to start falling in love with me. If I knew this would happen, I would have never asked you out,"

"What's wrong with me liking you?"

"It just wouldn't work," he said, eyes still not glancing over at me and I frowned. I scooted forward and slid my hands onto his cheeks, turning his face and holding it gently as his eyes widened, "Kendall don't-"

I cut off his protest by pressing my lips to his. I never kissed anyone before, girl or boy. And the way that James was just sitting there, not doing anything made my heart start to beat crazy in nerves. Was I doing something wrong? This was a bad idea, I should never have kissed him. Now I look like a total idiot. Just another statistic for the people that fell under James' charms. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He'll probably laugh in my face right after and won't let me live this down. I'm a complete and total idiot. And with that, I pulled away, looking at the ground in embarrassment and waiting for the eventual ridicule.

". . .You need practice," James muttered.

". . .Excuse me?"

"That was the worst kiss ever. You were too nervous and tense to actually enjoy it," he critiqued, wiping his mouth. He then sneaked a hand behind my head. "It should be more like this,"

And he slid his mouth over mine, lips meshing slowly with mine and nibbling softly on my lower lip before moving faster and making a more passionate kiss. Oh god, he was actually kissing me. He was kissing me and running his fingers through my hair and sucking on my lips. . .

And I liked it. I actually liked it.

He pulled away, nuzzling his nose against mine. "That's how you kiss someone, nerd,"

"Slut," I snapped back and he smirked, kissing me again.

"You like it," he mumbled against my lips and I frowned. He smiled and kissed my nose.

". . .So are we dating or something?"

"No, just fooling around," he said with a smile and I frowned again. Fooling around? We kissed, something felt like it was actually there and all he calls it was fooling around? What do I have to do for him to realize that I liked him and that he liked me back? Us sleeping together? But then he would just dump me like he did every other person he dated. Maybe that's why he didn't want me to like him. Because in actuality. . .

"You don't like me back," I whispered and he frowned.

"N-No Kendall, I think-"

"You don't like me back, you just don't get it. I keep feeling these. . .things and you just. . .this was a mistake. You always end up making me look like a fool," I said quietly, grabbing my case and getting up, ignoring James' protests and complaints. I was so stupid. I should have known better than to show affection for someone like him when he shows the same affection for money and lust. It didn't mean anything. He never meant it.

It was never real. No matter how I much I wanted it to be.

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><p>Yeah, like I said, I don't feel too hot about this chapter. But the same time, I kind of wanted to play with the idea on differences between love and lust, like Kendall sees love in a sort of innocent way while James doesn't see love anymore but lust. Or something like that, this chapter irked me. Well, hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter and please give me some reviews!<p> 


	11. Kiss Me Again

Another day, another chapter. And so we begin with the drama, don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Especially with the new and final character addition to the story. . .okay maybe one more but that is it! Well, thanks to zazzyisadicctedtostendan, Twilightgirl434, child who is cool, MerielTLA, Emo Bangs, RainbowRoses9001, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, sum1cooler, hahippy and The Savage Soul for the alerts and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'I can make the ch-ch-ch-ch-changes if you really want this'<em>**

"Say it again,"

"I love you so much,"

I didn't mean it.

"Say something else,"

"I'm yours. I belong to only you,"

I didn't mean it.

"Again. Say it again,"

"I'm yours,"

_I didn't mean it._

What am I doing here? Why am I like this? Kendall hated me, he absolutely hated me. He didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I screwed up, I screwed everything up. The lips that pressed against my throat ran a tongue over a pulsing vein and nibbled at my neck, hands going up to mess with my hair.

"My beautiful boy. . .all mine," the voice huskily whispered and I sighed. There were perks for being a stripper and model at the Parlor. For one thing, you get paid to have sex with some gorgeous people, get the free drinks, maybe some interesting blackmail material if you have to. But the downsides were that you might always get someone weird as your client. For example, the man that was currently threading his fingers through my hair and pulling sharply. Matt Dawson, aged 21 and throwing away his college funds on my body, was just weird. He was the longest customers I ever had, he knew me before I started working at the Parlor, he was handsome but he was just. . .odd. I didn't know what was it about him that sent the not good chills up my spine, but he was a very high paying customer as well, so I couldn't say no.

His lips moved from my throat to kiss me softly and then he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"Say it again,"

"I love you and I'm yours," I repeated for the twentieth time. He always had me say that when we were together. Most of the time it wasn't even sex, it was just me cooing over him like a broken record. He smiled and bit the skin of my shoulder lightly.

"Again,"

"I'm yours, I'm yours,"

I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want any of this anymore. I just wanted Kendall to not be mad at me. I wanted him to like me again. . .if he ever even did like me. But what was I supposed to do? I just. . .I couldn't handle it. No one ever said they loved me and was willing to pay the price for doing so. People throw that word around all the time. I threw that word around all the time. He was right about me, I lost the ability to really love someone. I don't even know how to notice love.

No, I did. The way Kendall's eyes twinkled was different, light and bright instead of dark and hooded. They glimmered with something I didn't really know until now it clicked. It was love.

The client bit down on my skin, sucking harshly and a moan slipped from my lips and I closed my eyes. I tried to imagine the red hair I was lazily twirling between my fingers was blond. I tried to imagine the deep brown eyes that stared down at me with lust were the heavenly green eyes that looked down at me with love. I tried to imagine the broad shoulders that I started to cling to were instead the toned arms that belonged to Kendall. I tried to imagine it was Kendall whispering in my ear instead of Matt.

"Say it again," he breathed and I shuddered.

"I'm yours, Kendall," I moaned out and felt the hands on my body grip tight and I bit my lip. Matt gently turned my face so I was looking straight at him, a small smile on his lips.

"Whose that?"

"Whose who?"

"Kendall. . .do you like him?" he asked quietly, hand moving to play with the hickeys he placed all over my neck.

"Why do you care?"

"Because," he said, hand lightly grasping around the back of my head now, "you're supposed to be in love with me,"

I rolled my eyes at that. What world was this guy in to think that I was in love with him? Especially since I have two more clients right after him that I was supposed to be 'in love' with. "Say you love me,"

"I love you," I said with a blank expression and he frowned, the hand that was holding the back of my head gripping and pulling at my hair tighter.

"But you love this Kendall, don't you?"

"Why should it matter to you? I'm underneath you, aren't I?" I snapped back and his eyes grew wide. He lifted my head and slammed it against the wall behind the couch we were on, eyes looking deadly.

"I pay good money for you to be mine and here you are moaning someone else's name like the little slut you are," he said in a low voice and I pushed him back as hard as I could.

"You're nothing special. Just a really good paying creep," I hissed back and he growled. I jumped away from him, finger darting underneath a table. "And unless you want me to call security, I suggest you leave,"

He stared at me for a few moments, then he got up from the couch and slowly began to make his way to the door, stopping as he placed a hand on the handle.

"I was your first client," he said quietly, "the one that gave you your first tip. What was it again. . .500 dollars,"

"Well it's your fault for wasting it on me," I muttered and he turned, smiling at me.

"Oh nonsense, you were so wonderful I had to pay it. You were so innocent and so darling. . .now look at you. A slut. A filthy whore that is being used. What makes you think Kendall will love you with how easy you'll drop your pants for anyone, hmm?"

"You don't know him and you don't know me,"

"Oh, but I do," he said with a smile, stepping closer and walking around me, eying me like a vulture ready to ravage it's prey, "You want someone to love you, that's why you've stuck around in this business for so long. Because every night when you make love to a different client, you feel like you really belong. That someone really cares for you, when all they really want is your willing body. And then when the time comes for someone that you _think _likes you, you don't know how to love them back. Because no one ever shown you love, not even your drunkard of a father,"

"Just shut up and get out!" I shouted, face turning red and eyes beginning to water. He smiled more.

"Forgot that you told me about that little detail, have you? When you were trying to gain sympathy from me our first night together. Poor dear. Well I'll tell you something, I'll always love you. Because you belong to me,"

"I don't belong to anyone. Get out,"

"I was the one that took your virgin innocence, wasn't I? When you were only 16 and running around the streets like a little rat instead of being here in this sleaze ball of a club. You belong to me. It doesn't matter to anyone else because I was first,"

"Get out!" I shouted, shoving him away and out the dark door. My fingers clenched tight on the wood, tears beginning to slide down my face. I was never his. I will never be his. I just wanted to be Kendall's. I didn't want this anymore. I have to get out of this. I just have to.

It was dark the time that I finally got home from the Parlor, maybe around 4 in the morning. And the only thing that I could think about was Kendall. I had to make things right somehow, I just need to tell him. Tell him I'm sorry, tell him I really do care about him, tell him something.

But I just didn't know how.

I quietly stepped through the living room when I heard footsteps come running from the kitchen. My dad stood in the doorway, hair an unkempt mess and hands trembling.

"J-James, where have you been!"

"Out," I said simply and he rushed over, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"You were supposed to come home right after school today!"

"Dad, today's Saturday. . .well Sunday actually. There was no school,"

"O-Oh," he stuttered out and I shoved him away, the smell of alcohol filling my lungs and I sighed.

"Why don't you just lie down. You're drunk,"

"N-No, I want to talk to you,"

"Well I don't feel like talking," I grumbled out, slipping out of my shoes until I felt his arms wrap around me again and his face burrowed in my hair.

"M'sorry. I'm sorry for being such a bad daddy. I'll change, I-I promise,"

I sighed. He confessed this every night that he wasn't already too drunk. And ever time he said it, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to just run away and start a new life. A better life than the one with him. But then what would happen? I was the only person he had left after Mom passed away, I was the only person that actually bothered to see if he was still eating or if he was okay. That was the only reason I kept working, so we could have someplace to live. So we can just get by. I felt him kiss the top of my head. "I love you, James,"

". . .Yeah. . .ditto," I said quietly, walking him over to the couch and he fell down on the cushion. I pulled out his usual blanket and covered him, his eyes slowly closing and falling off to sleep.

This needed to end.

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><p>And yeah. That's the end of this chapter. I kind of wanted to start delving into James' past and also homelife, since I haven't really discussed it. And I'll bring up the concept of the relationship between Matt and James again in later chapters, maybe even a flashback as to how James' career got started. But like I said, this is the beginning of the drama, so be prepared. Well, hope you all enjoyed the chapter and please give me some feedback and reviews!<p> 


	12. Heart Turns To Stone

And another chapter. I don't know when the next one will be up, seeing as though I misplaced my battery for my laptop and it's ready to kick the bucket, but I'll try to get it up some time this week. And this chapter is kind of short in my opinion, but stuff is going down. Anyways, thanks to Bigtimebitch, Beausaurus, zazzyisadicctedtostendan, GoodRidancePlease, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, child who is cool, MerielTLA, hahippy, tmmdeathwishraven, RainbowRoses9001, Sum1cooler, DancingFanatic217 and JuliaBearr for the alerts, favs, and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'You cheated and lied, as her love slowly died'<em>**

"James?"

"Yeah Carlos?"

The Latino fidgeted as we walked down the hallway together at the end of school, everyone around us seeming to fade away and we were in our own little world.

"Let's say you know someone and you've talked to them a lot of times about a bunch of stuff. . .but you want to talk about romantic things. . .and kind of, take it to the next level. . ." he said shyly and I smiled. Carlos would always tell me about the times that Logan and him would go and hang out (Carlos would try to insist it they weren't dates, but I knew that was what Logan was intending them to be), and the way he was blushing made me know exactly who he was talking about. "I-I mean, my teammates said to just get them something and ask them out but. . .I don't know what to get,"

"Get them something that says exactly how you feel,"

"Really?"

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. No one ever gets me a gift and say they want to date. My dating life would always begin by sleeping with the person and all of the lovey-dovey stuff comes later. If we even get to that stage. The people I dated mostly was just sex all the time. No love or anything honestly.

No love at all.

Carlos looked even more nervous than before and I sighed. "Carlos, I'm sure anything you give to Logan, he'll appreciate it a lot,"

". . .I didn't say it was for Logan,"

"It's very obvious you have a crush on him, dude," I said and Carlos stopped in his tracks, gripping his helmet in nerves.

"Oh no. You don't think he noticed, do you? I must have looked like a total idiot. Is it that obvious? Oh man, oh man," he panicked and I smiled, giving him a pat on the back.

"Get him a toy. A teddy bear or something," I suggested.

"I can't give him that," he said with a pout, "he'll think I'm childish,"

"It's the thing that we love most about you though,"

"I don't want to be seen as a child in his eyes though," the next thing he said was barely above a whisper, "I want to show him how much I love him in an adult way,"

I paused in my place and pulled him aside, looking at him with worried eyes.

"Show him like what?"

". . .I. . .I want to. . .make lov-"

"You are _not _having sex with him, Carlos," I said sternly and he pouted, crossing his arms and trying his best to look intimidating and stern as well, but instead looking like a mad puppy you won't play with.

"It's not sex, it's making love. And why can you do it with people you date and I can't?"

"Because you're younger-"

"Only by two years! And I'm going to be turning 17 in a couple of months! When was the first time you had sex?"

". . .That's not the point,"

He crossed his arms and gave me a livid glare. "Exactly. It's my body, I choose to do what I want,"

"You're not having sex. I won't allow it. Carlos, you'll look like a slut if you sleep with him so early in the relationship,"

". . .But you sleep with-"

"Never mind what I do! I don't want you to do everything I do!"

"I'm not a baby James! I can take care of myself!" he shouted and stormed off. I stood in the hall for a few seconds before storming out of the school myself, heading straight in the direction of the Mitchell residence. Carlos was too innocent to be even thinking about sex. I won't let him get corrupted. I won't let him get defiled.

I won't let him become like me.

I banged on the door a couple of times of the large mansion, the white door echoing my knocks and ringing through the halls until a young man dressed in a polished black suit answered the door, eyeing me with a look mixed of annoyance and tiredness.

"Can I help you?" he asked with a hint of an accent, looking me up and down and I kicked my foot up slightly.

"I'm here to see Logan. I'm a friend of his,"

"Master Logan is currently speaking with his fiance to be, so if you would come back at a later time. . ."

. . .His _what_?

"Okay then, can I talk to his dad? I really need to talk to someone. Like now,"

"Master Mitchell is with his wife. Please leave now," he said with an annoyed look and closed the door in my face and I frowned. His wife, huh? Looks like I'll take my secret passage inside then. I stepped around the back, taking the garden covered path to the back gate and pulling out the keys. I unlocked the gate with a swift click and walked out onto the stoned patio, spotting Logan speaking to a girl with long dark brown curls. The girls was giggling and laughing but Logan was looking less than amused and face practically emotionless. Well, at least it didn't look like he was cheating on Carlos. Then again, who am I to judge, I cheat with various people. I stepped into the home, unnoticed by the two and passed through the large hallways, glancing up at all the various portraits. The blond haired woman in each portrait that stared down with an air of arrogance and elegance must have been Logan's mother. He looked nothing like her, more like John.

Which was just the person that I bumped into, the papers that the father was carrying falling to the floor.

"J-James! What are you doing here!" he whispered loudly, quickly gathering all of his papers back up and I pouted.

"I just wanted to ask you something. . .something about Logan,"

"But couldn't you come back at a later time?"

"Afraid of your wife catching me? It's not like I'm running around naked,"

"I know that but," he bit his lip, obviously in a flutter of nerves and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm a changed guy. I'm trying to quit the sex profession,"

John glanced over at me, eyebrow raised. "Really? . . .That's wonderful,"

I smiled. "Yeah, I'm going to change. . .there's this guy that I really like and I think maybe if I stop dropping my pants for everyone, he might give me a second glance. . .I mean, I'm still going to be screwing a couple of people to get by until I find another job. . .but I'm trying,"

He smiled. "Good. . .that's good. It's nice that you feel that way about someone and I wish you the best of luck,"

I rocked back on my heels, looking down at the ground shyly. He had to be the most wonderful clients I ever had. Lucy was wrong. I was involved in an affair with him for a year and nothing bad ever happened. And now, he can move on with his life without no one knowing this ever happened. It was the perfect escape from one of the things that bonded me. I glanced up at him.

"Thank you. . .for being a nice guy. For trying to help me with my dad. . .for everything,"

". . .Anytime. . .I'll still pay for a house if you both need one,"

". . .John. . ." I said softly, stepping closer and looking up into his face. We both stood just staring at each other and then he leaned in closer, giving me a soft kiss that made my heart skip. I pulled away, blushing madly and he smiled.

"I care about you, James. I'll always be here to help you,"

"Is that so?"

That voice didn't sound like mine. Or Logan's. Or John's. But it sounded furious.

I turned to find a woman holding a champagne glass in her clenched hand, face turning red from rage and red lips turned into a menacing scowl. John's wife. Shit.

"C-Clara, I can explain-"

"Explain what, John? Explain how you were kissing a boy. _A boy_,"

"I'm 18 actually so I'm a legal adult," I corrected and John grabbed my shoulders, trying to shoo me away.

"Get out of here," he whispered and I frowned.

"She doesn't scare me," I replied, staring at the woman and looking her up and down. Her eyes seemed to get more enraged and when I thought she was going to scream out in anger, she started to cry.

"How could you do this to me, John! With this. . .this little slut!"

"Don't call him that!" John shouted and his wife shook, dropping the glass that she was holding and it shattering on the white tile.

"You're defending him? You. . .and your son. . ."

"He knew Clara. He always known about it,"

"Oh, so it was alright for me to be left in the dark about this? John. . .," she then turned to me and eyes glared, "Get out of my sight you little homewrecker before I call police," she hissed and I frowned, beginning to make my way down the hall out the back to the garden. I turned and gave one last look at the couple and smirked.

"You know, that dress you're wearing that you got from the closet upstairs? I wiped the semen off my stomach with it," I said and she screamed while John held his head in his hands. I made a run for it, not daring to look back.

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><p>Yah, the cheating bomb has been dropped. I don't want to reveal that much about what will happen now with John but I'll leave with this tidbit. This and the chapter maybe two or three away is the last you'll see of him. Interpret that what you will. And also next chapter will go back to focusing on Kendall and James, so you guys will see if Kendall still has feelings for him or not. Well, tell me what you think so far about the story and give me a review please!<p> 


	13. The Only Exception

I am seriously getting antsy for this story. Like I think I might update tomorrow as well. Because man, chapter 16 and 17, WOW. I mean, these three chapters are good, in fact chapter 14 is what you all have been waiting for, but those two chapters are DRAMA! Well, thanks to Cwalk, sxjlove, TheMelodyInMyHead, victoriajoewang, Living Life and Loving It, RainbowRoses9001, child who is cool, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, hahippy, Lil' Boy Monster, tmmdeathwishraven, Bigtimebitch and Sum1cooler for the alerts, favs and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream'<em>**

"Hey."

The blond in front of me stiffened, his hand on the steel locker tensed and he peeked out a wary green eye.

". . .Hey," Kendall said softly, shutting the locker and turning to walk away but I grabbed onto his arm and spun him back around to face me.

"Kendall, please just listen to me," I pleaded and he bit his lip, hands moving to the strap of his messenger bag.

"I don't know, I have some work I really need to drop off and-"

"You and I both know that's complete and utter bullshit. Just listen to me."

Kendall frowned, leaning against the locker.

"Fine then. What do you want?"

I stared into the sparkling green eyes that held so many different expressions swimming through them at once. Anger, hurt, love, confusion, I don't know. I just knew that my heart was beating the fastest it has ever been. I bit my lip, trying to find the right words to say to the frustrated blond standing before me. But I couldn't.

Instead, I grabbed his head and pulled him forward, smashing my lips forcefully onto his. He gasped and I fought the urge to slip my tongue in that gorgeous mouth that slid along mine innocently and nervous. He pushed me away, staring at me with wide and horrified eyes then turned on his heels and ran, not looking back at me. Back at my heartbroken expression. It was too late. He didn't want me back. I leaned against the locker and ran a hand through my hair, sliding a hand over my cheek and feeling the skin was wet from tears beginning to fall.

Everything was all my fault.

School went on and Kendall avoided me for the rest of the day, though I wouldn't know what to say should I see him again. I just didn't know what to say. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't talk to Carlos, I saw him running out of the school to the shiny black Benz that belonged to the Mitchells and to most likely hang out with Logan. I didn't want to drag my problems onto him. Especially when he was going to have problems of his own once he finds out the Logan was to be engaged to someone. The walk home was slower than usual, mostly because I dragged my feet and didn't even want to go back to the small little house. What was there for me anyways? Just a drunk man and my own lonely heart.

It was all my fault.

I stepped inside the house, my dad jumping up from the couch and stumbling over to me.

"J-James, I have something important to say," the man said with a drunken smile and I rolled my eyes, really not caring what he had to say. I just wanted to go into my room and lie down, maybe cry myself to sleep. He stepped over, well more liked wobbled over, to me and raised his arms way up high. "We're moving!"

". . .What?"

"Yeah. . .daddy's job isn't really cutting it, so we need to go someplace where I can find a job."

I stared at him, gripping my hands into tight fists. "Your job. _Your job_. You never had a job! It was always me that needed to bring in money! You never done anything except getting drunk off of beer! Now that I think about it, what have you done with all the money that I have given you?"

". . .I may have. . .misplaced it."

Yeah, misplaced it and it wound up being replaced by the thousands and thousands of beer bottles and liquor in the cabinet.

"You know what? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of always trying to take care of you and throw away everything that I wanted to do. All because you can't get over mom's death."

He stared at me and the hazel eyes that I inherited from went dark.

"If you're going to be a spoiled brat about this, then maybe you do want us to live in the streets."

"I'd rather live in the streets with the rats than live with someone I wish wasn't my father."

". . .Go to your room now," he said with a quiet voice but I was already too livid to listen to him anymore.

"You're horrible. Do you think mom would be even happy if she saw you like this? You were supposed to step up and be the man of the house, you were supposed to take care of both of us. Well guess what? You can drink all you want and lie around the house drunk off your ass, it's never bringing her back!"

His hand struck across my face, knocking me clear down to the hard floor and I choked out a sob. I glanced back up at him, his face looking absolutely horrified.

"Daddy~" I sobbed, the first time I called him that ever since mom died. His eyes started to water, holding out a shaky hand to try and help me back up but I slapped it away, jumping back up to my feet and holding my sore cheek. "I hate you! I wish you were the one dead instead of mom!" I screamed, running down the hall to my room and slamming the door shut. I flung myself onto the bed, screaming into the pillow before letting out cries and I heard my dad pawing at the door.

"James. . .James, honey. . .please. . .I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I heard him cry and I shot my head up from the pillow, hearing him crying on the other side of the door. I got up from my bed, walking over to the door and reaching out for the handle, but then pausing. I stared at the door for a couple of moments and then turned around, opening up my window and climbing out of the room and running as far away as I could. I just wanted to get away. I just wanted to get away from everything that was hurting me. I just wanted to leave. Please someone show me a way out of here. Please.

I wandered around on the streets, walking and not really sure where I was going or where I was supposed to be heading. All I know was that the streets were bright and the lights were all on in the few stores that were open at this time of the night. My eyes lazily wandered from store to store and they fell on the usually vacant Rocque Records.

Then my heart skipped a beat when I saw the blond struggling to lift the large stack of CDs swaying back and forth in his hands.

I rushed over to the store, peeking my head into the store and watching the blond closely. Kendall set the stack of CDs down on the counter, leaning over and sighing loudly as I walked in, approaching slowly behind him.

". . .Hey." I said softly and he tensed, looking over his shoulder and sighing again.

"What do you want this time?" he asked, eyes not looking angry but tired from a hard day's work and then he took in my face, his eyebrow raising in a confused expression. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I-I'm fine. . .well, no I'm not," I said, looking down at the gray carpeting. "Kendall. . .when we kissed. . .did you feel something?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I need to know," I pleaded, eyes feeling like they were beginning to water once more. "I need to know if you still felt something. . .because I feel it too. I feel it and I want you to feel the same way. Please say you do."

He stared at me, hands softly holding the edges of the red counter.

"Well tell me what you feel then," he said softly and I sighed, stepping closer and letting my hands slide onto his hips and holding him gently.

"I feel so confused. I feel so out of place and I don't know what to think anymore. I never felt like this, at all. But. . .I'm happy that I do feel this way. I'm so happy that I feel this way about someone like you, Kendall," I said softly, leaning my forehead against his. He closed his eyes and hummed.

"So what are you trying to say?"

". . .I'm saying I love you. I'm saying I'm not that experienced with love, I've only been given lust. But I want to love you. . .and I want you to love me back."

He shuddered a breath and his eyes fluttered open to look at me, the beautiful green orbs starting to water along with my hazel eyes.

"Then I have just one more thing for you to do."

"What's that?"

"Kiss me," he breathed and I didn't need to think twice, my hands going up to cup his soft face and draw him in, my breath ghosting over the parted pink lips and connecting them with mine. It didn't feel like the time we kissed in the park when he was all nervous. It didn't feel like when I kissed any of the clients that I slept with right afterwords. It didn't even feel like when I kissed John. It felt different, an entirely new experience that I never had the pleasure to know. His lips moved slowly and still had that air of inexperience and innocence the nerdy blond so greatly carried along with him. A trait that made him so attractive as well. But I didn't want to rush this moment. This moment that I probably waited my whole life for.

The moment of loving someone and knowing that they loved you back.

He pulled away, giving a small kiss on my jaw and wrapped his arms around me.

"James. . .I don't know what to do about you. I love you, I hate that I've fallen in love with you. But I. . .I just couldn't stay away. Every time you come around, my hands get sweaty and clammy, my heart starts racing, my head starts spinning. And you just give me that cocky smile and it drives me crazy. . .but. . .I just don't want to be left behind like you done everyone else before." he said, tears beginning to fall and I quickly kissed them away.

"I'd never do that. I'd never hurt you. I love you, Kendall," I said into his wet skin and smiled, beginning to repeat 'I love you' over and over while kissing him after each statement. And with each kiss, Kendall held onto me tighter and tighter, almost as if he was afraid I might disappear any second.

I would never leave him. I love him too much.

"I just don't want to be left behind. I don't know anything about romance and you are the first person I ever even kissed. . .I don't want you to get bored with me. I don't want you to use me," he cried, burying his face into my chest and I held him tighter.

"I won't. . .I promise."

Kendall was still looking up at me with worried eyes and then I kissed his lips softly. ". . .Come to the Parlor tomorrow night. I want to show you how much I love you."

"James. . .I don't want to have sex with you. . .not yet."

"I know. I don't want to have sex with you either." I said and he raised an eyebrow that I kissed softly, a smile coming to my lips as I thought about what Carlos said.

"I want to make love to you."

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><p>Like I said, next chapter is most likely going to be up tomorrow. I don't want to rush the story but at the same time, I really want to get down to the good stuff and not be dragging it out. I'm trying to set a limit of chapters that are produced in this story, some ideas being added and some being taken out, but I'm trying. Well, next chapter is THE ONE. And I hope you all review and tell me what you think so far!<p> 


	14. Like A Virgin

Well, I lied. I couldn't wait. This is it! The moment you all have probably been waiting for ever since you started reading the story. I don't know, I guess it's alright, it's the second full sex scene I've written (first was with Cherry Bomb), but I probably still need some experience and stuff. Well, to those that reviewed in the rather small time frame, thanks to Buba-Li, RainbowRoses9001, child who is cool, tmmdeathwishraven, Sum1cooler, Bigtimebitch, TheMelodyInMyHead, DancingFanatic217, MerielTLA and EvilGeniusBookWorm13 and scarlettincarnadine for the fav! Hope you all enjoy (another) chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'Can't you hear my heartbeat for the very first time?'<em>**

I lied down in the large bed, staring up at the crimson ceiling and twiddling my fingers in slight nerves and felt my heart racing fast. What if I just screwed everything up again? What if I just chased him away thinking all he had to do was give me sex and we could be together?

Sex was starting to become an ugly word now. I didn't even want to think that with Kendall.

The door opened and I lifted my head expecting to see Lucy, but instead, I saw Kendall step inside and slowly closed the door. He turned to me and gave a nervous look around the room before settling the green eyes on me.

". . .You came," I said quietly and Kendall nodded, slowly walking over to the bed and standing at the foot of the mattress.

"Yeah. . .but. . ." he trailed off, staring at the ground in embarrassment and I slid off the bed, stepping over and caressing a hand over his cheek. I let my lips drape over his for a soft kiss and pulled away, leaning my forehead against his.

"I won't hurt you. I promise," I said softly, kissing him again and he closed his eyes, leaning into the kiss. One hand went to twirl the blond strands that were hiding in the gray beanie snug on his head while the other hand went to hold his hip and lead him to the bed. The back of Kendall's knees collided with the bed and we both fell down on the push mattress, not even noticing the fall, our minds only on kissing each other.

His lips meshed more with mine, moving faster and faster, most likely the nerves making his lips run wild. I gave a small lick along the bottom lip and his lips shut tight for a moment before slowly parting and my tongue slipping inside the warm mouth, tasting each and every inch of the blond and tongue dancing around with his. His hands went to softly thread with my hair and tangle with the strands and I pulled away, delivering a soft kiss to his nose.

I lifted my shirt off and then wrapped fingers around the buttons of his plaid shirt, slowly unbuttoning them one by one and cream skin coming into view that was beginning to turn pink. Kendall's eyes were closed as the last button came off and the shirt slid off of his body and I gave him a reassuring kiss on the lips before beginning to make a trail of butterfly kisses down his throat and to his chest. The fingers in my hair began to lazily twirl the strands while I kissed his chest, his stomach, kissing each and every exposed area of flesh I could find. My tongue darted out around the navel and I heard Kendall make a slight laugh and I smiled, continuing to kiss around the belly button and feel Kendall tug at my hair.

I moved away, leaning back up to kiss the blond again, tongues twirling and wrapping around each other as a hand slowly crept down the blond's body, my fingers skimming over the button of the dark jeans and brushing over a large bulge. In an instant, Kendall's hand shot up and grabbed at my wrist that was over his erection, looking at me with frightened eyes.

"W-Wait. Just. . ." he took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and scrunching up his nose, trying to think. I didn't made any sudden movements, letting the blond calm down and feeling his grip ease off my wrist and his eyes fluttered open. He moved my hand down and pressed it against the bulge, a loud gasp escaping from his lips. He bit his lip as I stuck my head in the crook of his neck, my hand moving on my own and rubbing him gently through the denim. His hips began to buck up and I groped at him harder, hearing him breath heavily and moan into my ear. One more squeeze and his head tilted backwards into the pillow, eyes fluttering close and the moan going low in his throat as I felt the front of his jeans begin to grow wet and sticky. He came down from his high, cheeks flushed and glanced over at me before looking away, embarrassed. ". . .Sorry."

"No, it's alright."

"I look like some idiot, don't I?"

"Honestly, it's alright," I said, kissing his ear and smirking, "I just have to clean you up now, don't I?" I huskily whispered and heard Kendall shudder a breath. I moved away from his face and down to the jeans, fingers wrapping around the brim and I glanced over at Kendall, making sure it was alright. The blond hesitated and then nodded his head and I yanked down the clothes, underwear and all.

. . .Wow.

Kendall covered his face and groaned with embarrassment.

"Stop staring, you're making it worse," he whined as I took in all of Kendall's body for me to see. The cock was covered in the semen but still standing fully erect and I bit my lip, trying to keep back a smile.

"You're a virgin with _that_? I don't believe it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's huge. It's a monstercock. It must be 8 or 9 inches."

"James. . ." Kendall said exhausted, hands moving away from his face to shoot me a glare. Then his eyes fluttered closed and his head went back as I dragged a long, lazy lick up the shaft. The tip of the member came into my mouth, tongue swirling around the tip and sucking off any of the white substance there before descending down and tracing a vein alongside with my tongue. Every so often I glanced up at Kendall's face, his nose scrunching in pleasure, his lips making pleasured noises and staring at me with amazement as my head bobbed up and down on the cock, eyes looking so innocent and so loving.

Not a single trace of lust in sight.

I pulled off with a small pop, licking around the base and back around to the shaft up to the tip and smiled.

"All clean," I said, wiping some of the sticky substance off my lips and he blushed.

"R-Right," he stuttered out and I sighed, giving a little kiss to his cheek.

"You need to relax," I cooed in his ear and he shivered.

"It's my first time though."

"But I'm trying to make it good. I want you to feel comfortable. . .we don't have to do this if you don't want to," I said quietly and Kendall shook his head.

"No. I want to do this. I want this, James."

I gave one more kiss to his cheek, hand going down to stroke him slowly while the other began to dig through the drawer near the bed, finding a brand new bottle of lube and some of the usual condoms. I kissed his neck and then sat upright, popping open and squeezing some of the cool liquid on my fingers.

"Spread your legs."

Kendall did the opposite instead and I rolled my eyes, gently nudging the limbs back open and he gave a nervous smile. My hand slowly went down, watching the blond's face closely and pressed a finger against Kendall's hole, Kendall's legs swinging back closed and clamping my arm between them. "Ow!"

"S-Sorry," Kendall apologized.

"Maybe you should prep me instead," I glanced back over to his erection and smiled, "I wouldn't mind riding that."

"Slut," Kendall deadpanned and by the time he began to scowl at me, a finger slipped into the tight heat and he clenched the sheets tightly, bottle green eyes widening and he gasped. "J-James!"

"Relax," I said quietly, the ring of muscle clenching tight around my finger and making it harder to move. Kendall closed his eyes and his chest heaved up and down slowly and I felt him loosen up a bit as I slowly pumped the digit in and out, the fifth time going in slipping another finger and he clenched at the sheets again.

"It hurts."

"I know, I know. It'll feel better soon, I promise."

Kendall bit his lip and nodded, me beginning to slowly scissor and pump the fingers in and out of the writhing boy beneath me. Then Kendall's eyes widened as I stuck in a third finger and curled them ever so slightly. "What is it?"

"Touch there again," Kendall half shuddered, half moaned and I raised an eyebrow, rubbing the tips of my fingers buried in the blond in the spot and Kendall let out a pleasured gasp. He grabbed a pillow and stuck his face into it, squeezing it tight. "Again," he mumbled into the pillow and grabbed the cushion, tossing it off to the side.

"I want to hear you nice and clear," I whispered, pushing down on the prostate and Kendall moaned loudly, voice beginning to grow hoarse. I removed the fingers, hearing Kendall groan in annoyance at the loss of touch and smiled, taking off my pants and underwear, grabbing a condom and slipping it on. Kendall watched me with an eyebrow raised.

"I thought sex workers didn't wear condoms," he said and I raised an eyebrow myself.

"And get scavies or crabs or some shit like that? Ew, no."

". . .I don't have any of those things."

". . .So you want to go bareback? How kinky."

"N-No! I just-ugh! Just do what you want!"

I gave a light laugh and I kissed those pink frowning lips before slathering lube on my own erection, lifting Kendall's legs up and positioning his waist so I was only a couple of inches away from the puckered hole. Kendall watched me closely, fingers already grabbing at the covers and I closed my eyes and began to push myself into the tight heat.

Kendall half moaned, half screamed in both pain and pleasure and I stopped, grabbing onto his hip and rubbing it in soothing circles.

"Are you okay? It doesn't hurt too much, does it?"

"Nngh, I-I'm alright. J-Just give me a mo-OUCH!" Kendall shouted as I fully buried myself in the blond, his eyes scrunching shut and tears already beginning to leak through. Oh god, I didn't want this to happen. Now he was going to hate me for sure. You always fuck up, James. Always, _always_. Kendall wiped the tears from his eyes and glanced up at my worried expression. "I-I'm alright, really. I'm. . .it's just my first time. I'm not used to it yet. Just give me a moment."

I nodded slowly, hand still rubbing his hip in soothing circles and comforting strokes and he closed his eyes, trying to get himself adjusted to the intrusion. He bit his lip again and his eyes open, a hand going up to rub my arm gently. "All right. Move."

I moved my hips back and snapped them forward, Kendall hissing through his teeth. He let out a shuddered breath and nodded. I moved the hips back again, tip only remaining in the blond and thrust forward, Kendall's head arching up and him scrunching his eyes in pain.

"It's going to hurt for a while, but it will start to feel good," I said softly, slowing down the thrusts at a snail's pace and Kendall began to regain the normal pattern of breathing.

"G-Go faster," he stuttered out and I sighed, not really going any faster than I already was and feeling the blond's passage begin to squeeze around me tightly and a moan escaped from my lips the same time Kendall's did. The thrusts began to increase in speed, but still not slamming into Kendall like some horndog. I wanted to be gentle with him, I wanted him to feel okay.

I wanted his first time to be better than mine.

"F-Fast_er_. _Hard_er. Ah~nngh," Kendall moaned out and I gasped, the velvet heat hugging me tight. I slipped out of him and pulled him into my lap, his dick rubbing against my stomach and he moaned in pleasure as I slipped back into his entrance and held him gently. He wrapped his legs around me and lifted himself up before gently settling back down and green eyes fluttered once more.

"Kendall~ah, oh fuck," I moaned out as he began to nibble softly on my neck, his hips grinding down and moving in rough circles.

"Don't hold back," he breathed and my eyes widened, "take me."

"Don't need to tell me twice," I breathed, sliding him off of my lap and moving him on hands and knees and thrusting inside him swiftly and Kendall screamed out loud in pleasure. No holding back. Kendall's babble flew into my ears, the moaning and whimpers of pleasure driving me crazy and making me thrust harder and faster.

"J-James! Ah! Oh, hit there again! _Ah_~" he moaned, grabbing another pillow and smothering his face in it and I yanked that out of his grip again.

"Feels good? Feels g-_ood_. Ah~y-you feel so good."

"J-James!" Kendall screamed, hair matted with sweat and flinging back as he gripped the sheets tight and his insides clung so amazingly tight that I blacked out for a split second, only seeing white. I felt Kendall's body shake underneath me and his body collapsed onto the bed, me falling down a few seconds afterwords and both of us breathing heavily.

"Get off," I heard Kendall mumble and I rolled off of him, slipping off the used condom and tossing it in the trash. Kendall rolled over, stomach covered in his seed and the sheets covered in the white fluid and I smirked.

"You need to get cleaned off again," I said with a waggle of the eyebrows and Kendall blushed.

"No, I'm fine-James!"

My tongue was already running along the abdomen, licking every bit of cum that was on the blond's body and his slowly growing flaccid member until there was nothing but flushed skin.

"Mmm, tasty."

". . .Slut," Kendall said quietly and I laughed.

"I'm yours, aren't I?" I said, wrapping my arms around him and sneaking a kiss. He smiled a bit, snuggling deeper into my touch.

"Yeah. . .and I'm yours."

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><p>Okay, I promise there will be some time spaced out between this chapter and the next one, scouts honor! Next chapter will be just some after-sex fluff and all that jazz and then the drama continues. I'm getting excited and I'm writing the dang thing, so yeah. Hope you all enjoyed it and give me a review!<p> 


	15. Cigarettes in the Theatre

I couldn't help myself. Like as soon as I was done writing this, next chapter is the beginning of the drama once more and I was all 'I NEED to get this chapter out'. So yeah, double update! I'm so excited it's killing me, no lie. Well, thanks to mgr95, Fanficts101, RandallKeithOrton4life, hahippy, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, tmmdeathwishraven, sxjlove, DemonWolf, zazzyisaddictedtostendan, MerielTLA, TheMelodyInMyHead, child who is cool and Sum1cooler for the alerts, fav and reviews!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Collect all your questions because this time we've all night'<strong>_

I did it. I slept with him. I gave my virginity to James.

And it felt so good.

The brunette came out of the bathroom, towels in one hand and clean clothes in the other.

"You sure you don't want to take a bath? The Parlor has sauna rooms we can use," he said, draping a towel over my body and beginning to scrub at my skin.

"No, I'm fine," I said quietly. I didn't want the bath to transition into another session for sex. And the way my hormones ran wild around the brunette stripper, the chances were high and likely. James continued to wipe at my skin, scrubbing at my skin and hand diving down to gently wrap around my penis, moving the cloth up and down the length and I bit my lip. "James. . ."

"Just making sure you're clean," he said with a smirk, moving his hand away and wiping at my legs and bottom. I glanced over at James and raised an eyebrow. "You're not cleaning yourself off?"

"I'll take a shower when I get home. . ." he trailed off, staring down at the bed and I turned over slightly, taking his hand and thumb running over it softly.

"Is there something wrong?"

". . .No. It's nothing."

James moved away from me, grabbing onto his underwear from on the floor and I sat up, cocking my head to the side.

"You're putting your clothes on already?" I asked and then bit my lip. That was so stupid, why the hell did I say that? James was giving me the same look and then smirked, dropping his clothes back onto the floor and sauntering over to me. He crawled in the bed and pulled me close to him, both of our members brushing up against each other and I blushed.

"Alright, I'll stay until they find us in here and kick us out," he whispered in my ear and licked the lobe softly.

"Hmm. . .so. . .that was. . .not as horrible as I thought it would be. . ."

"Nah. . .it was nice. Really nice," he said softly, now moving to kiss my forehead. "You were a little tense before but it all came together."

"I guess we need practice," I muttered and I felt James slap the back of my head and I shot him a look that he was glaring right back. "What was that for?"

"You're such a hypocrite!" he shouted and I raised an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes, "Here you are calling me a slut ever since we met and right after we do 'it', you say we need _practice_," he scoffed, "Should have figured you want to fuck like bunnies right after."

"N-No, that's not why!"

". . .Kendall, I can feel you getting hard again."

Shit. I pushed him away and turned over, grabbing pillows and trying to hide the raging boner and I heard James laugh. "Need some help with that?"

"N-No, I'm fine!" I squeaked out and felt James press up behind me, draping his arm over my body and soft fingers wrapping around the erection. My eyes squeezed shut as I felt him kiss my cheek.

"I would so want to ride you, feeling your thick dick in my tight hole thrusting in and out," he whispered, the words sending a spark down to my dick and he smiled. "That got you excited," he said with an amused tone and I groaned. I look like a hormonal idiot. He was right, I'm just as slutty as he was.

But at least I'm a closet slut.

He continued to stroke me, lightly sucking on my neck and breathing deeply in my ear as I felt my breath quicken along with his strokes.

"Ngh, James please. I-I just got clean, ah~"

"And I'll lick you clean like I done before."

"No, s-stop," I shuddered out, stilling his hand and moving him away and he frowned.

"You don't want me touching you?"

"N-No, I like it when you touch me," James smirked at that and I blushed even more, "but, I just want to lie down and rest for a while."

The brunette smiled, kissing my nose and wrapping his arms around me. He nuzzled his chin against my forehead affectionately and hummed.

"You know, I never asked you about what your life was like," James started out quietly and I glanced up at him.

"Well, what do you want to know?"

"Your family. Your hopes and dreams. Your kinky fantasies-"

"James."

"I'm a kinky fantasy? What a coincidence, you're mine too. Though you're in a sexy nerd costume and ready to give me a firm lesson in spanking 101," he said with a waggle of the eyebrows and I groaned.

"Well, I live with my mom and I have a baby sister. My dad ran out on us when my sister was born and I haven't seen him since, not even on birthdays. I want to play hockey, but I don't think I'm that athletic for it, so I've settled for joining a band and just hoping we strike it big."

". . .Hm. . ." he hummed and I glanced up at him.

"Well, how's your home life?"

He shuddered a breath and closed his eyes tightly and I touched his face gently, beginning to feel the tan skin growing wet with tears. "James? James? I-I'm sorry, if you don't want to talk about it-"

"No," he said softly, holding me tighter, "I. . .my mom died in a car wreck when I was 16 and ever since my dad's been drinking and basically leaving me to defend for myself. . .that was when I went into the sex profession. . .that was when I lost my virginity."

". . .Oh James," I said softly, kissing his face and lips as gently as possible and the tears continued to fall. He pulled away, burrowing his face in the crook of my neck.

"I'm sorry for unloading all of this on you. It's just. . .when told you I loved you, I had a fight with my dad. He said that we were moving but basically we're losing our home. And I just. . .I got so mad and I was screaming at him and. . .he just hit me."

The hand that was running fingers through his hair to comfort him stopped and my breathing hitched.

"He. . .he hits you?"

"No, this was the first time he ever done it. . .and he wasn't too drunk to notice that what he did was wrong. He was crying too but. . .I just don't want to go back. If all I can do for the rest of my life is lie in this bed with you and ignore all of the heartache from the world outside, I'd do it."

I kissed him again, lips lingering on his for what felt like hours but only was a couple of minutes. He sniffled and hugged me tighter. "I love you Kendall. Honestly, I'd never leave you."

"I love you too," I said quietly, kissing his forehead. "I'll always be here for you."

"Promise?"

I looked into those hazel eyes and for the first time I didn't see that over-confident, sexual and cocky look he always had. It was a look of fear and fragility that I only had got a glimpse of when we had the picnic. I kissed him again and gently intertwined his fingers with mine, hooking his pinky tight.

"Promise," I said softly and he smiled. We lied in bed for a couple more minutes, me softly humming a tune in the brunette's ear and James sighing deeply into my skin. He moved a bit, sitting up in the bed and looking down at me.

"We really should get out of here. I don't want Gabe catching us in here," he said with a sigh and I raised an eyebrow.

"Gabe?"

"My boss."

"Oh. . .your pimp?"

James slapped the back of my head again and rolled his eyes.

"BOSS. Like gives me a paycheck, boss."

"Right, right," I said with a small laugh and he gave another playful hit. The rest of the time we were getting dressed and James straightening up the room so it at least looked presentable for the next couple. That's when I thought about it and I bit my lip. "James?"

"Yeah?"

". . .Your job-"

"I'm quitting it," the brunette said quickly.

"But. . .you won't have any money."

"It's just the way it has to be, I want to stop."

". . .If you need a place to stay, I think my mom would be glad to help."

James smiled and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead. "Thank you. So much."

I smiled and hugged him back and he patted my back. "I need to go grab my things so I'm going to be staying here for a little while longer. You should get home before your mommy starts worrying about you."

"She's. . .ugh. Fine then," I groaned.

"I love you, Kendall," James said softly.

"I love you too," I said, giving one more kiss to his lips and heading out the door. The night air was cold and it created bumps along my skin as I walked through the slightly empty parking lot and the night sky could barely be seen with all the bright lights of the buildings around me.

"Hey kid!" I heard someone shout and I turned to see a red-headed man leaning on a white car, cigarette in between his lips. He pulled it out and blew a stream of smoke and smiled lightly. "Anyone else still in there?"

". . .Uh, yes?" I said, warily and he smiled more.

"Brunette boy?"

I gulped. Was he talking about James? I shrugged my shoulders, trying to play it off and quickly leave. Maybe he was a client or something. I don't know but that smile of his was making my heart race in nerves. He took another drag of the cigarette and blew more smoke.

"Just wondering. Waiting for someone," he said, smile growing wider and I nodded dumbly, slowly backing away and turning on my heel. Just waiting for someone. That was all. Waiting for James to take him in.

I was just hoping that James turned him away.


	16. Jar of Hearts

_**'I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms**_'

I felt wonderful. I felt so happy. I felt the happiest that I've ever felt in my whole entire life.

Because tonight was the first night that I made love.

I smiled again, grabbing my bag and heading towards the door. I wasn't ever going to come back to this place. I was finally getting out, I was finally free. Kendall said he'll take me and my dad in until I get a better job. Until I get a respectable job. Maybe everything will turn out alright. Maybe my dad will stop drinking and get a job too. Maybe we'll be able to do all of the fun things that we used to do before mom passed away. I was gaining hope again, I felt there was a future ahead of me. My dreams that are coming back that I could follow again. Everything was perfect.

I stepped out into the night and took a deep breath of fresh air. Then the air started to gain the scent of a burning cigarette.

"There's my beautiful boy," I heard someone call out and I closed my eyes. It's over. I'm done with this place. I'm done with ever being called that again. Then I felt two arms wrap around me and someone licking along my neck.

"Get away from me!" I shouted and pushed the person away turning and seeing it was Matt, cigarette held between his fingers.

"Is that any way to treat a paying client?" he asked with a small smile and jutted a thumb over to his car, "I got an envelope with $400 that had your name written all over it. Care for some car sex?"

"No. I'm going home," I sneered and he frowned, stepping closer and grabbing my face. I felt the heat of the burning end of the cigarette, flinching when an ember fell off and onto my neck. He looked into my eyes and smiled.

"Aw, you had sex, didn't you?" he said with a smile and buried his nose in my hair, "I could practically smell that other person's scent." He then slammed his lips onto mine and forced my mouth open, every wonderful taste of Kendall that was in my mouth being replaced with the taste of tobacco by Matt's tongue and I pushed him away again.

"Get away from me! I'm done with this! I'm done with you!" I screamed, trying to run away but he grabbed onto me and slammed me into the wall. He flicked away the cigarette and pinned my hands high above my head.

"Do you think you have the right mind to say that to me? When I've been here for you? Or are you still thinking about that other guy? What was it. . .Kendall?"

He stared into my eyes longer and then softly pressed his lips onto mine. "Don't think that you're his. Because you're mine."

"I was _never _yours," I gritted through my teeth and he laughed, one hand still holding my hands tight while another went and slammed my head on the hard brick wall. I winced in pain, a choked sob in my throat.

"Say it," he growled out and I hissed.

"No!"

He slammed my head again, then began to bite hard on my neck until I screamed in pain.

"_Say it._"

"Stop it! Let me go!" I screamed and he slammed my head again and I felt myself beginning to grow dizzy. One more hit and I'll be unconscious. And who knows what he'll do to me when that happens. He stared at me, deep brown eyes practically black with anger and he brought his mouth to my ear.

"_**Say it**_."

"I'm yours," I choked out, feeling tears beginning to slide down my face and he kissed them away.

"Again," he huskily whispered, licking along my neck and biting down harshly and I screamed again.

"I-I belong to you," I cried and he smiled. The hand that was slamming my head hard went down to grope me through my jeans and the hand that was gripping my wrists tight began to loosen and I closed my eyes.

"You're mine. You'll always be mine. Because I had your pretty little body first. I see that darling boy. He only sees a slut. A **slut**. Do you understand? He'll never want you like I do. Never. Because you," he bit my ear, "are," he bit down on my neck, "_mine._" he gave me a rough kiss.

"Get away!" I shouted, kicking and pushing him off of me. He stumbled back a bit and I began to run, barely missing his swinging grasp.

"James!" I heard him shout out but I didn't dare turn away. It was only then that I heard the sound of a car door slamming and an engine quickly trying to start up that my heart began to beat with fear. He was coming after me. He was going to try and take me. I tried to run faster, but I didn't know where to go. I didn't want to go home and let him know where I live. What if he started stalking me? What if he tried to hurt my dad if I leave the house? And Carlos' house was too far for me to get there by foot. Matt would catch me by then. I didn't know where Kendall's house was, but I wouldn't want to put him and his family in danger.

Kendall. What if Matt saw him? No. He doesn't know who he is. He couldn't hurt him if he didn't know who he was. Oh god, I hope he doesn't hurt him. He can't hurt him.

I love him. I'll protect him myself if I have to.

But I couldn't keep running forever. I needed to loose him somehow. I needed to go to the only place that I can think about.

The Mitchell residence was dark and I was sure that I lost Matt by sneaking into the backyard and saw a light in the window that belonged to John's bedroom. I gulped; I didn't leave him on any good terms. But I hadn't heard anything in the news about the scandal or anything. Maybe the wife didn't want it to be let out, though I'm not sure why. If anything, it'll give her the sympathy and me the hate. I bit my lip, feeling the keys in my pocket and slipping them out to open the patio door.

The house was as dark on the inside as it was on the outside and it was warm and toasty unlike the outside cold. I tried to make no sounds as I crept through the dark and up the stairs to the bedroom that had the light on, passing by Logan's room and pausing when I heard a gasp. I turned, heart beating at being caught, but finding that there was no one there behind me. But I heard another gasp and this one followed by a moan and I leaned my ear on the thin wall.

"L-Logan~a-ah~" I heard the voice moan softly and I closed my eyes as I heard another loud gasp and two consecutive moans. I recognized that soft moan that came after that and sighed deeply. Logan was having sex with Carlos. Carlos was giving up his virginity tonight too apparently. I just hoped that he knew about the fiance before he did this. Otherwise, I'll have to kill Logan. I took another deep sigh and continued to walk down the hall towards the lighted room, stopping at the door and giving a gentle knock.

"Come in," John's soft voice called and I smiled slightly before peeking my head in. He was sitting on the bed, glasses perched on his nose and papers sprawled out in front of him.

"Hi," I said softly and he looked up, eyes widening and beginning to scramble off of the bed.

"James? What are you doing here?" he asked, slipping on his slippers and rushing me inside. He watched my face for any signs of emotion and then glanced at my neck. His fingers brushed against the large bruise and I flinched. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"James. . ."

I couldn't hold the tears back and I wrapped my arms around John tightly, burying my face in his pajama-clad chest and letting out sobs.

"He tried to hurt me. He wants to hurt me because I don't love him. I love Kendall and he's going to hurt us," I sobbed into his chest and John wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my back in soft circles.

"Who? Who's trying to hurt you two?"

". . .A client of mine. . .ex-client. John, I didn't know what to do. He came up and started grabbing at me and slamming my head and I just got afraid and I couldn't go home cause he was following me."

"He didn't follow you into the house, did he?"

"N-No. I took the back entrance through the garden. He didn't see me," I said quietly and he held me tighter. "Can I stay here for the night? Just until the sun comes up?"

"Of course," he said softly and I felt him kiss my hair as gently as possible. "You can take my bed, I'll sleep down the hall."

I clenched the back of his shirt tightly and he paused. I didn't want him to go, even if it was just down the hall. "He won't be coming into this house, I promise. Just get some sleep, okay?"

"O-Okay," I stuttered out and he kissed the top of my head again before walking over and gathering up his papers.

"There's a fresh pair of pajamas in my dresser if you want to change into something comfortable," he said, straightening the papers into a neat pile.

"It's okay, I sleep in my underwear," I said then bit my lip the same time he tensed up, "I-I'm sorry, that _ really _wasn't the right thing to say."

"It's alright. . .Clara, uh my wife, she's. . .we're getting a divorce."

". . .I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be. We were going to get one anyways. I mean, we live in separate houses and only see each other when it came to Logan and the fiance-"

"Does Carlos know? About. . .his fiance?"

John turned and set the papers on the maple dresser.

"He knows about it. He also knows that Logan wants to marry _him _instead," John said with a light laugh, "that boy is all Logan talks about when he comes home. As soon as he steps foot in the door, he rushes off to see if Carlos sent him a message on his phone. It's rather cute."

I don't know if he'll be saying that if he took a trip down the hall. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall.

"So what's going to happen?"

". . .My guess is that once Clara finds out that Logan is in love with a boy, she'll force him to marry that girl. Either that or make sure he receives no inheritance."

"What a bitch."

John didn't object. He stretched his arms and glanced at the clock. "It's getting late, you should get some rest. You probably had a frightening night."

"Yeah. . .can I use your bath?"

"Sure. Why not?" he said with a smile and I smiled back. He grabbed his papers and kissed the top of my head. "Goodnight, James."

"Night, John."

And with that, the father stepped out of the bedroom and I walked through the arch into the master bathroom. The tub was huge, with different bottles of bubble bath and shampoo along the sides that could clean ten people instead of one. I turned on the faucet and poured as many bottles of soup into the steaming water that I could get my hands on until there were mountains of foam and bubbles. I stripped off my clothes and slipped inside the hot water, smiling at the feeling of it on my skin. It felt like nothing could bother me anymore. Nothing could hurt me when I was here. Matt couldn't hurt me. I had Kendall. I had John and Logan. I had Carlos too.

I had hope.

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><p>Yeah, don't think there will be another double update any time soon for this story. Especially because next chapter is the OTHER big one. I'm excited! Excited! I feel so bad being excited for the chapter because it's <strong>not <strong>a good subject chapter, but I am. I guess I'm cruel. Well, hope you enjoyed both chapters and give me a review please!


	17. Turn It Off

Okay, chapter up! And this chapter I've been planning on for a while, well this arc actually. I hope it doesn't come off random because in my thought process, it's one of those character developing moments for James and stuff. Plus it plays into the Cargan marriage struggle too. So yeah, I hope everyone understands where I'm going with this. Thanks to Morivanim, Kiwiz-BTR-PEACH, UnrequitedxLovex, KxJ luver, KrazyKogan14, Kaylaschmidtmaslow, BigTimeOustider, BigTimeInvader, RandallKeithOrton4life, RainbowRoses9001, child who is cool, MerielTLA, Evilgeniusbookworm13, sum1cooler, hahippy, irishoreo and Bigtimebitch for the alerts, favs and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Before it gets any better, we're heading for a cliff'<strong>_

The sun didn't came out the next day. Instead, it was covered by the gray skies that let the raindrops hit the window hard and loud. I groaned, pulling the sheet over my head and closed my eyes, trying to go back asleep and hope for an escape back to my dream. Then I heard someone softly knock on the door and heard the wood creak open.

"James?" I heard John call softly out and I shifted in the bed, peeking at him over the edge of the cream fabric.

"Morning, John," I said with a small yawn and he smiled.

"Actually, it's the afternoon. You were still asleep when breakfast was being made."

My stomach grumbled at the word and he laughed lightly. "I made sure Anya saved a plate for you. Come on."

I stretched my arms wide over my head and slipped on the pajama pants that John left out for me before tiredly dragging my feet down the hallway with him down to the kitchen. We passed by Logan's room and I paused, glancing over at the man and tapping him lightly on the shoulder.

"Actually, John. I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right down though," I said with a small smile and he smiled back.

"Alright then."

John continued his way down the hall and as soon as he rounded the corner to go down the stairs, I pushed open Logan's door. The two still nude boys jumped from the noise and Carlos quickly threw the blanket over himself as if it would somehow make him invisible and I rolled my eyes.

"It's just me, Carlos," I said with a sigh and Carlos removed the blanket from his head, looking at me with wide and confused eyes.

"James? What are you doing here? Why are you dressed like that?"

"I uh, I couldn't go home and decided that I'd spend the night here," I said and then smirked, "Why are you here, Carlos?"

The boy blushed and then groped at the sheets in nerves.

"I-I can explain-"

"Save it. I know what you two were doing, I heard you two from down the hall."

Both of them blushed at that and I sighed, rubbing my head. Logan made a nervous cough, getting out of the bed and grabbing onto his robe. He pulled the clothing onto him and tied the belt, walking over to me with cheeks still rosy red.

"Look, I know he's your friend and-"

"You. I kind of want to punch you for taking his virginity right now, so you should leave," I said with a dead voice and Logan gulped before pushing past me and out the door. Carlos crossed his arms and pouted.

"I'm not a baby, James," the boy said with a frown and I smiled, moving over to sit at the foot of the bed.

"I know you're not. I just wanted you to do this when you were really sure that the person you're giving your body too was going to be there for you. I didn't want you getting hurt."

"I won't though," Carlos said with a small smile, "Logan wants to marry me. And I told him yes."

". . .But what about the fiance? Carlos, even though his father accepts you, Logan's mother won't. What if she forces Logan to marry the other girl?"

"We'll elope. I don't know, we'll think of something. We're not getting married just yet."

I sighed, taking a hand and running it through his messy black hair.

"Carlos, I want you to be happier than I was. I want you to make better decisions than I did."

"I will, James. I can take care of myself," Carlos said, determined glint in his eyes and I smiled.

"Good then. . .you have my blessing to keep sleeping with Logan."

"James! It's not 'sleeping with', it's-"

"I know, I know. 'Making love'."

Carlos smiled and lightly hit me on the arm, laughing and moving to go grab some underwear that was on the floor and slip it back on. He looked over at me as he grabbed some pants and slipped one leg on.

"Why couldn't you go home? Did something happen?" Carlos asked and I sighed. I needed to tell him. He needed to know what really is my problem. I gently grabbed onto his hand and pulled him down so he was sitting close beside me and took a deep breath.

"Carlos, I had a problem at work. . .I work at a strip club as one of the strippers and on the side I work as a. . .as a rent boy. . .and one of my clients got rough with me and I had to loose him. That's why I didn't go home, I didn't want him to know where I lived," I said quietly, Carlos staring at me with wide eyes and mouth slightly gaping, "If you think I'm a whore or a slut, then it's alright and I totally understand. . .but I'm trying to change. I just quit and I'm hoping I can room with Kendall until I get another job and. . .Carlos?"

Carlos was beginning to cry and I rubbed his back. "Carlos? What's wrong?"

"I'm a horrible friend," Carlos sobbed out and I rubbed his back gently, eyes growing soft and feeling like I was going to cry too.

"No, no you're not."

"Yes I am. I was so stupid not to notice or try and help you. Now I know why you couldn't come to any of my games or why we couldn't hang out and I thought you were just trying to ditch me or something when actually, you were trying to get money. And now I feel bad for thinking that. And now you're going to be homeless and-and," Carlos then burst out into more sobs and I pulled him into my arms, hugging and holding him tightly while hearing him continue to blubber out apologies. He shouldn't feel sorry for me. He was the best friend that I could have had. He always made me smile, he always knew the right things to say to make me feel better, he was always so kind to me. He glanced up from my chest, letting out a small sniffle and a hiccup and wiped at his eyes. "Y-You can stay with me too. And your dad. And my mom could give you a job at the grocery store and-and-"

"It's alright, Carlos. You were always good to me and my dad, that's all I can ask for."

He sat up and wiped at his eyes once more, lips out in that darling little pout he always wore.

"I-I'm sorry, James."

"Don't be, it's alright now. Everything is going to get better."

He gave a weak smile and I smiled back, patting him on the back. "Come on, let's go get some breakfast."

"Actually, my mom doesn't know that I'm here. She thinks I'm off visiting my abuela. I need to get over there before she finds out," Carlos said with a sheepish smile, placing on his shirt and giving me a hug. "I promise I'll help you, James. Promise."

"I know, Carlos. . .thank you," I said softly and I heard him give one last sniffle before moving away and climbing out Logan's window down the garden ladder. I watched him run off into the backyard through the light rain and hop the gate and I walked out of Logan's room and down to the kitchen where John was pouring some orange juice and had my plate of breakfast out on the counter. He smiled and pulled out a stool for me to sit down on.

"After you eat, me and Logan were going to go out for a walk," he said, pouring himself a glass of juice.

"A walk? But it's raining outside."

"Yes it is, but the place we're walking to isn't very far and I'd like to get some fresh air. Would you like to come with us?"

". . .Sure," I said with a smile, scooping up the last bit of eggs in my mouth and sighing with content. John smiled, going back up to his room to get dressed while Logan took me to get some cleaner clothes to wear out. Logan's taste of clothing really wasn't my style, it looked more along the lines of his mom personally picking out his clothes to wear and were completely geeky. I turned my nose at most of the things he picked out for me to wear before finally settling on a plain white shirt and some jeans. "You know, you need a better wardrobe."

"Carlos likes it."

"Yeah, he told me you're like a nerdy teddy bear he likes to cuddle up with," I said with a smirk and Logan blushed deep red before putting on his shirt.

"Ha, ha. Very funny."

"It was, I laughed hard."

Logan rolled his eyes and slipped on his shoes, tossing me an umbrella.

"Well, I think my dad's going to take you home after we come back so. . ."

I forgot all about going home. I don't know if my dad realized I didn't come home last night or if he was still drunk and doesn't even know which night I left. And then there was still the fear that Matt was somewhere lingering around. . .no. He had to have left. And I'm never going back to the Parlor. He'll never find me. He'll never find Kendall. He'll never hurt us. I just need to stay calm, everything was going to be fine.

Logan, John and I stepped out the front door, opening up the umbrellas and walking into the rain. We passed through the large gate and then down the walkway until we were on the normal road and heading straight to the shopping center. I turned to John, his face half covered by the long scarf wrapped around his face.

"Where are we going anyways?"

"Just going to a little law firm. Have to make sure some things are all in line based on inheritance."

Yeah. . .inheritance. Logan was going to marry Carlos, that fact was going to be obvious. But then, Carlos and Logan won't have any money to support themselves should John's wife decide to cut off the money. I frowned, she didn't even know Carlos and was willing to shoot him down all because he was a boy? Carlos had to be the sweetest person to have ever walked the Earth, anyone should be happy to marry him, man or woman. John seemed to have read my mind since he made a slow nod. "Clara doesn't know about their relationship yet, but I assume Logan is going to sit down with her and tell her."

"You're not going to be there?"

"She'll just blame me. I don't want Logan to be there if we start to argue."

"What a bitch."

"James. . ."

"Yeah, yeah. 'Watch my mouth'."

I couldn't see his lips through the checkered scarf but I could tell John was smirking at me. "I also have something set up for you and your father as well."

I stopped in my tracks, John stopping beside me and Logan still continuing to walk down the sidewalk, approaching the crosswalk. The streets were empty, save for a lone white car and maybe two other people rushing to get out of the rain. My eyes widened and I stared at John, who was still smiling at me. "Well, it's something that can get you both on your feet. Hopefully."

". . .John. . ."

"It's alright, you're a sweet boy. And I only want you and your father to be alright in the long run."

I felt my face beginning to grow wet, not from the rain but from my tears and he gently raised his hand to wipe the tears away with his thumb. "Don't cry."

"Thank you. . ."

"I'll always be here to help you, James. I care about you."

I felt him kiss my forehead softly and then my nose and then a hesitant and platonic kiss to the lips. He sighed and then patted my back. "Come on, Logan is getting farther than us."

I nodded and he walked along beside me, that sweet smile still on his face as we stepped foot into the crosswalk. Then afterwords. . .everything was a blur.

I heard a car screeching.

I saw bright lights coming up.

I felt someone push me roughly and me falling to the ground.

I heard something loud, like a thump or a crash and I squeezed my eyes tight.

When I opened them, Logan was leaning over a body, screaming loudly while a woman frantically dialed on her cell phone and bit her fingernails in nerves and fright.

I closed my eyes and hoped this was all a dream.

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><p>And that's that. Like I said, I've been planning on this chapter for a while now. Just the whole idea and everything and I hope everyone understands. Cause really, I'm not doing this to up the drama or whatever. So yeah, hopefully everyone liked the chapter at least and give me a review please!<p> 


	18. Live & Let Die

Okay, mass update for my stories including this one. I don't know, I half like this chapter and just think it's okay. But it goes in James' backstory again and also answers the question you all were wondering. These couple of chapters right now are leading up to the climax and more drama. So thanks to UnrequitedxLovex, El' Caliente, MyHeroRaven, RandallKeithOrton4life, child who is cool, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, tmmdeathwishraven, Sum1cooler, Bigtimebitch and DemonWolf for the alert, favs and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'This ever changing world in which we live in makes you give in and cry'<strong>_

It felt like we sat in the room for days when only it was just a few hours. Logan was a few chairs away from me, not looking at anything but the bright white tile on the ground in front of us. Beside him was Carlos, who came as soon as he heard the news. He knew that he would be getting hell from his mother when she finds out he wasn't at his grandmother's, but as the Latino gently rubbed Logan's back, I doubt that was the only thing going through his mind. He would look over at me too, giving me comforting glances before turning back to the pale boy beside him and consoling him as we waited. And all the time we were sitting there, I couldn't help but think this was all my fault.

The car was going to hit me. The car should have hit me. But John pushed me out of the way before it did. And it wound up hitting him. When I opened my eyes, I didn't even see him breathing, I didn't see him move at all or anything. The only thing I saw was Logan screaming loudly, huddling and holding his father tightly while a woman was calling an ambulance and trying to calm the teen down. I should be the one inside the hospital room, not John. Not someone who has so much more to live for, not someone that had a loving son, not someone as kind as he was.

It was all my fault.

"James?" I heard Carlos call out softly and I turned to see his arm stretched out. I scooted over so that way he could pull me into the hug, me wrapping arms around Carlos and Logan and holding them both tight. Maybe I'll wake up and this won't be happening. Maybe I'm still in John's bed and waiting for breakfast to be cooked. This isn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Not when things were finally starting to go good. Why did it always feel the world was ready to kick me down when I was starting to get back onto my feet?

"Mr. Mitchell?" a soft voice called out and we all glanced up, looking at a man dressed in a surgeons uniform. Logan gently pushed us away and walked over the surgeon, wiping at his face. The man spoke low so me and Carlos couldn't hear, but the way Logan almost crumpled to the floor and the man struggled to catch him was more than enough news to me and I closed my eyes, feeling the tears beginning to leak out. A nurse came by, gently holding Logan up and trying to console him as Carlos rushed over to comfort Logan as well.

Leaving me all alone to collect my thoughts.

John was gone. He was never coming back. Logan was fatherless like I was motherless. He wasn't going to come out of the room, smile and laugh at how our faces looked so sad, kiss our cheeks and we'll walk back to the Mitchell home. He wasn't going to see Logan marry Carlos or see me get better with my life. He was dead. He was killed. And it should have been me. The tears began to sting and I clenched onto the chair cushion I sat on, letting out a choked sob. It was all my fault this happened. If I never had took John's request and had an affair with him for so long and started to care about each other, then maybe he would still be alive. I should have never brought myself into the Mitchell family. They were happier and better off than me fucking up their lives.

And so I cried. I felt my shoulders shake hard, I felt my lungs getting harder to take in shaky breaths, I heard my strangled cries and I felt every tear slide down my cheek and begin to pool on the floor. Someone came over to hold me tight, I wasn't sure if it was another nurse or Carlos, but I pushed them away and turned to run out the nearest exit. I didn't want to stay there any longer, it was just too much to take.

I ran for about two blocks before finally slowing down and dragging my feet, breath still not catching up with me and I leaned on a brick wall in an alleyway, wiping at my face. People that were passing by didn't notice me, they didn't stop to ask me what was wrong, they didn't care about me. . .why should they? I just ruin everything, I ruined it all. I slumped against the wall, pulling my legs up close to my chest and began to cry once more, the loud sounds of the rain drowning out my sobs. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know why I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to go back home, I didn't want to go to Carlos' and wait, I didn't want to go looking for Kendall, I didn't want to ruin anything else for Logan by going back to the hospital. I just wanted to stay here.

Where I probably belong. . .

_. . . "What's a cute face like you doing around here?"_

"_Go away and leave me alone."_

"_Aw, such a spoil-sport. I'm only playing with you. What's your name cutie?"_

"_. . .James."_

"_Tsk-tsk, didn't your mommy tell you not to talk to strangers?"_

"_My mom's dead, you fucker."_

"_Hey, watch it. Might have to wash that pretty mouth of yours out. . .why are you hanging around here?"_

"_None of your business."_

"_Oh it should be. You look young, what are you? Fourteen? Thirteen?"_

"_Sixteen."_

"_Ooh, you're real cute for sixteen. I'm nineteen if you want to know."_

"_I don't."_

"_You don't like older guys?"_

"_I'm not interested, now go away."_

"_Aw, you hurt me James. Real bad. Right here. . .is that a smile I see?"_

"_No it's not."_

"_Yes it is. I made you laugh, didn't I."_

"_No you didn't."  
><em>

"_Don't lie to me, James. You like me too, don't you?"_

"_. . .What if I do?"_

"_Then I'd like to take you on a nice night that ends at my place. A cutie like you shouldn't be hanging around some strip joint. . .unless you work here?"_

"_No, I can't work here."_

"_Such a shame, I'd like to see you on the pole."_

"_Please, just go away."_

"_Not until you tell me why you're here? Waiting for daddy?"_

"_Hmpf, no."_

"_Friend?"_

"_No."_

"_. . .Clients?. . .Oh I get it. . .you're trying to see if you can offer a cheaper fuck?"_

"_. . .I. . ."_

"_. . .Hm. . .are you a virgin?"_

"_Why do you care?"_

"_Just saying. Any person that walks in there wants someone with experience. I, for one, have a soft spot for virgins. So are you?"_

"_. . .I'm not answering that."_

"_But I'm right about you trying to be a prostitute, right?"_

"_. . .I really need money and I-"_

"_Say no more. If you're still here by the time I come back, I'll give you a little something."_

"_R-Really? Thank-"_

"_Hold it, cutie. Nothing's free in this world. You have to give something to get something. I'll generously pay you because you're so cute. . .but. . ."_

"_I get it. . .okay. . ."_

"_You make it sound like I'm some creepy pedophile or something. Give me that cute smile of yours. . .that's it. I'll be back shortly, promise."_

"_H-Hey! What's your name?"_

"_. . .Matt. Matt Dawson. Bye, James. I love you."_

"_. . .Love you too?"_

"_That's my boy." . . ._

. . .The rain stopped and I opened my eyes, having cried myself to sleep. It was turning dark, the sky a rainbow of warm colors being chased away by the darkening skies and I yawned, feeling my face was still wet and my clothes were soaked from the rain. I stood up, slowly walking down the alley and seeing another person walking down it too. I kept my head low, trying not to attract any more attention to myself. But the person grabbed onto my arm.

"Hey, are you alright?" the person asked, or at least I think that's what they said. I couldn't hear their voice through the large scarf wrapped around their face and their eyes were hidden by the sunglasses they wore even though the sun never came out today. I shook my head yes and tried to pull away but they held a firm grip on me. "No, are you crying?"

"Please, I'm fine really," I said and the person dug through their coat and pulled out a handkerchief, wiping at my eyes and swatted it away after a few wipes, "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

"Such a spoil-sport," the person said softly and I felt my heart stop the same time my eyes widened. Before I could even react, the person slammed the fabric over my nose, a sweet smell entering my nose and pushed me into the wall, one hand behind my head to keep me from moving and not trying to breath in the scent. I couldn't scream, I only took in more of the smell and I could move my arms or my legs, my limbs feeling numb and weak. My eyes began to slowly fall and I heard a light laugh before everything around me went black.

"I love you James."

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><p>Yep. You all can probably guessed who was underneath the scarf and shades. Next chapter will have another dream sequence and then next chapter after that is a Kendall chapter. And after that will be a couple more chapters and the end. I'm not going to try and rush this story, this is the part that I really want to take all my time on and make sure I get everything I want out of it. Well, hope you all enjoyed the chapter and give me a review please!<p> 


	19. Playing God

Another chapter up! . . .And you all are going to hate it. Like seriously, you'll be wanting to hit something or cry. Or maybe both. Whatever you do, you have been warned. Well, thank to Dymondthomas14, kryingkaleidoscope, Bowman0306, Dragon99754, Vampire-Goth-Girl, RandallKeithOrton4life, child who is cool, Sum1cooler, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, DemonWolf, hahippy, UnrequitedxLovex, DancingFanatic217 and LessThanThree333 for the alerts, favs, and reviews! Hope you all. . .well you're probably not going to enjoy :p.

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'Next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror'<em>**

"_M-Matt, it hurts. C-Can we please, ah~. P-lease stop."_

"_We can't stop now James, you feel so good. Don't you want your money?"_

"_Ngh, a-ah! I-It hurts. Please~"_

"_I'm taking it slow, cutie. Wanna know why? Because I love you."_

"_I l-love you too, ah~"_

"_Yeah, James. You feel wonderful. So good, so tight. . ."_

. . .Where. . .am I?

It was dark and dusty, that much was for sure. And it was cold. There was something on my neck and my hip felt sore and I tried to move my legs to only find that something was keeping them from moving and keeping them spread wide. I tried to shout but then it only came out as a strangled cry and I blinked.

Something was on my mouth. . .keeping it open.

I shouted out again, finding it hard to even lift my head and a light clicked on and my eyes widened. I wasn't in the alley anymore, I was in a basement. A basement filled with dusty items that possibly never been opened and right in front of me was a full length mirror that shown my disheveled hair, my nude body, my arms being pulled up behind me and chained tight with the elbows bounded by leather, a bar between my legs cuffing them to the floor and spreading them wide. But then my eyes widened more when I saw what was that burning feeling on my hip bone.

A tattoo. A tattoo of the Gemini sign.

I never gotten a tattoo there. What was going on? Why am I here?

"You're finally awake, cutie?" a voice asked and I closed my eyes. No, not him. I felt someone begin to lick on my shoulders and pushed my back down, another cry coming from my mouth as a shot of pain went through my body. "Oh, let me get that for you. You're making a mess."

Matt crouched down and untied the ring gag, the leather slipping off my mouth and I coughed, trying to move my mouth and wipe the spit off my chin.

"What. . .what are you doing? Let me go! You fucking bastard!"

"Watch your pretty little mouth, James. I might have to gag you again. Though I really would want to hear you scream my name properly," Matt said with a light smile, raising his hand and running his fingers through my hair and stopping on the leather collar around my throat. I growled and was ready to scream out at him once more before I saw something lightly grasped in his other hand. A gun.

Please no. Please don't.

He glanced down at the gun and gave a light laugh. "Oh you're funny, cutie. I won't use this on you," he said with a smile, lifting the pistol and placing the barrel to the side of my head and the sound of the safety clicking off echoed in my ear. "You see, a gun shot to the head will kill you automatically and I don't want to do that. Besides," he pulled the trigger and I screamed. He laughed, "I don't have any bullets for this gun."

He tossed it off to the side and then dug into his pocket, pulling out a switchblade. "No, if I want to kill you, I'll use this. Because I want to love you and if you're going to force me to kill you, I want to make sure you'll regret each and every second," he breathed and flicked the blade out, pressing it gently against my cheek, "but you're not going to do that, are you? Because you love me just as much as I love you."

"Please, Matt. Please let me go."

"No. You don't have any place to go. Kendall's dead, remember?"

. . .What is he talking about? He can't be dead. No, please don't. Kendall still had to be alive, I can't lose two people so soon. Two people that I love so much.

"Why? . . .Why did you do this? He didn't do anything to you-"

"He did. He took you away from me. He made you stop loving me. He was kissing you and you weren't kissing me. But he won't be putting his hands over you any more," Matt hissed and I hung my head, squeezing my eyes tight. How did he see me and Kendall kiss? I haven't seen Kendall since the night at the Parlor and we both left separately, the only other person I kissed after that was. . .John. . .

Matt killed John. He was the driver of the hit and run.

He killed him because he saw the two of us kiss and thought it was Kendall. Oh my god.

"You monster! You bastard!" I screamed, struggling against the chains and trying to swing myself and hit him and he sighed, shaking his head. How could he have done this? How could he have _done _this? How could he have taken an innocent life like that and he didn't even know who he really was? That bastard. That fucking bastard, I didn't know whether to feel even more angry and afraid or relieved. Kendall was alright, he was still safe. . .but what would happen when he finds out I'm gone. I didn't know what time it was, I hope somebody noticed that I haven't gone home.

Better yet, what was going to happen when Matt found out Kendall wasn't the one he killed?

Matt yanked my head up, the brown eyes looking cold and dark. "I know that you love me, James."

"I don't Matt. You're delusional. Please, just let me go."

"I don't like the words coming out your mouth," he hissed, flicking open the blade and pressing it against my skin again. "Say that you love me."

"Please, don't do this. Let me go," I begged, feeling the blade pressing hard against my skin and I squeezed my eyes tight. It burned, it hurt so bad.

"I can make it stop, James. Just say those words you always tell me. Say it and I'll stop," he whispered softly and then lifted the blade up to my neck. "I don't want to have to cut your throat if you tell me no. . .or maybe I do."

"I-I love you," I stuttered out, feeling the edge push gently against my Adam's Apple and he laughed lightly, removing the blade and flipping it back closed. He ran a hand through my hair, smiling at me and stroking my face.

"You're so beautiful, James. Do you know that? Did Kendall tell you that every time you were together? Did he tell you how much he loved you like I do? I love you James," he murmured.

"Why? Why me?"

"Because. . .you're the most beautiful creature in the world and you gave yourself to me."

"I did it for the money, it wasn't for love."

"But you could have just ignored me and went on with your slutty business. But you waited for me. Why did you wait for me if you didn't feel something for me? Hope? You could have found someone else to give you some money and lie about your sexual experience. I didn't tell you how much I'd pay you. For all you knew, I could have just gave you a penny for a fuck. Why did you stay and wait for me, James? Why? Because I told you I loved you? I showed you care that you haven't felt in a while after mommy dearest died? After daddy left you to sell your body to make ends meet? Why James?" he asked and I shuddered a breath.

"Because you said. . .I. . ."

"Because I told you I _loved _you. And I still do, James," he said softly, raising a hand to caress my face. "I'll take good care of you if you let me. You'll be mine and never have to feel pain from anyone else again. Wouldn't you like that?"

". . .No. . .Matt, please let me go," I whispered and I heard him sigh.

"Fine then, be that way," he said, his tone going husky and dark. He lifted the gag back up to my mouth and tied it tight, the ring fixing my mouth wide open. He lifted my head, enough for me to see the pitiful image of myself in the mirror. "I want you to keep eyes on that mirror. I want you to see what you brought on yourself," he whispered and stood up, slowly unbuckling his belt and jeans and letting the fabric pool to the floor. He stepped out of the jeans, slipping out of his underwear as he walked behind me, my eyes watching his reflection. I felt his hand slide over my bare back then down to the curve of my ass and lower to my thighs, touching and groping softly.

Then he grabbed hold of my hips and thrust himself inside me.

The strangled cry came from my lips and I hung my head, tears slipping out and feeling something wet beginning to ooze down my legs as he pulled out and thrust back in just as hard. He yanked my head up so I was looking into the mirror, at his angry and hateful face and my pathetic and vulnerable expression.

"This is your fault, James. This is all your fault that you did this, James. If you won't love me, then I'm going to make you love me. . .unless you want me to just end your pain?"

He shook my head from side to side and smiled, "Good, I didn't think so," he said, continuing to hold my head up so I can watch him penetrate me over and over again, each thrust more painful than the last. I tried to look at something else in the mirror but the only thing that my eyes kept on flickering to was how much blood was starting to run down my legs and stain my skin.

Another strangled cry and he yanked my head back hard. "Shut up. You did this to yourself James. You did everything and its all your fault," he hissed, grunting and moaning in between thrusts. His body began to shudder and he held his head back, something warm coating my insides and I let out another cry. Matt didn't care, he continued to ride out the orgasm, thrusts getting less hard and more lazy. I could see him smiling in the mirror, a sick little smile of pleasure from releasing his seed in me and he slipped out. I wanted to fall, I wanted to collapse on how sore my body felt but the damn bar between my legs just kept them straight and I couldn't move at all.

I was helpless.

He sighed, picking his underwear off the dusty floor and slipped it on, walking over and picking up a chain. He smiled at me, hooking the chain onto the collar and then chained me up to the beam that the other chains held my arms up. He bent down and took the bar off my ankles and then the chain cuffs off my wrists but still left the arms bound behind my back by the leather and I fell onto the floor, into my blood and the small puddles of semen.

"Aw cutie, you tired? I would have figured a slut like you would have a little more endurance," he said with a wicked smile and I screamed. He snapped his fingers, "Oh right," he snickered, bending down and taking the gag off. The only thing I did was just scream louder, at pain, at fear, at everything that was happening to me and he rolled his eyes, walking over and grabbing some duct tape. He ripped a piece off and slapped it over my mouth, bending down and smashing his lips against my covered ones.

"I like you better when you're silent," he whispered, getting up and grabbing his pants. "Bye-bye, James. I love you."

And with that, he walked up the stairs and switched off the lights.

Leaving me alone in the darkness to cry.

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><p>. . .Well. . .yeah. . .next chapter is a Kendall chapter! So at least you won't see this next chapter. Can't say the same thing for the one after that though. But then that will probably be it. So you'll only see this twice and then angsty drama over. Well. . .one more thing happens and then its happy endings all around. You'll know it when you see it. Well, I hope you guys didn't die from this chapter and give me a review please!<p> 


	20. By Your Side

Well, another update for this story. I'm trying to get this story done before I go back to school in August and I have the next chapter typed out already. Just that these three chapters are the major climax of the story. And this one and the next chapter kind of happen at the same time, just one from Kendall's perspective and the other from James'. Well, thanks to TidusGT, Velandrae, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, tank602, Bowman0306, LessThanThree333, Tall Blonde and Eyebrows, kryingkaleidoscope, Sum1cooler, DemonWolf, child who is cool and RandallKeithOrton4life for the alert, favs and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'I will find you darling and I'll bring you home'<strong>_

"Kendall, everything will be alright," Colt said softly, taking a bottle of shampoo and placing it in its correct spot and I let out another shaky sigh. No, it wouldn't be alright. James has been missing for almost three weeks and nothing is coming up. We don't know where he could be or if he was alright or anything. All I knew was that he wasn't returning any of my calls or texts and I'm freaking out. I furiously shook my head, looking at the boy who was still restocking the shelves.

"Colt, this is serious. What if something bad happened to him? What if someone kidnapped him or something? I mean, he worked in the sex business, what if some pimp caught him and his forcing him to be his bitch or something?"

". . .James worked in the sex business?" Colt asked, cheeks growing red and I slapped my forehead. Right, not everyone knew that. Colt grabbed onto another bottle, the fingers holding it gently.

"Well, we just got to have patience right now. And hope that something will come up soon,"Colt replied and I groaned. I hope something was going to come up soon, I don't think I can stand any more of this waiting to see if the boy I love was alright. Or if anyone could find him.

"Hey Shop-Smart boy," a voice called out and Colt rolled his eyes, turning to the customer that was in need of his assistance and gave a small smile.

"Yes, sir?"

"These scissors are for hair, right?" the man asked and I watched his face. There was something familiar about him, the way that the brown eyes were twinkling with amusement and something else that I couldn't understand. Colt took the package and inspected it, the boy nodding.

"Yes they are."

"Good, need to cut someone's hair and I want to make sure they don't put up a fuss," he said with a small smile and then glanced over at me, eyes slightly dimming and smile becoming more dark. "Well, well. If it isn't the kid from the strip joint," he said calmly and my memory flooded back. He was the guy that was sitting on the white car outside the Parlor. He was the guy waiting for James.

James. . .

"It's not polite to stare, didn't your mommy told you that?" the man said dryly, taking out a cigarette and Colt frowned.

"Sir, there's no smoking allowed in the store."

"Congratulations. Someone get the Boy Scout a cookie," the man said with a sadistic smile and then my mouth began to dry, gaping open and closed. "What's with you, kid? Seen a ghost?" he asked with a laugh, taking the box with the scissors and pushing past me slightly.

"J-James," I stuttered out and the man paused, turning to me and cigarette hanging from his lips.

"What about James?"

"H-Have you seen him?" I asked and he laughed, the laugh sending chills up my spine.

"Seen him? He's probably underneath some guy as we speak. Little slut he is," he said with a dark smile and I frowned.

"He isn't a slut. Don't call him that," I growled out and he raised an eyebrow, stepping closer to me and grin becoming more malicious.

"Who the hell are you, blondie? Do you have a little crush on him or something?" he questioned and Colt quickly stepped in between us, arms out as if to protect me and face bright red.

"S-Sir, if you continue this behavior, I-I'll call security!" Colt threatened, trembling slightly and the man gave a little laugh.

"Aren't you the cutest little Boy Scout ever. What are you, fourteen? I like young boys," he huskily whispered and Colt let out a nervous squeak as the man raised a hand to slide gently across Colt's cheek and my eyes widened. He sighed, "But alas, my heart belongs to someone else. Though what I wouldn't give to have you bouncing on my dick and calling me 'Daddy'."

Colt looked ready to faint and I quickly pulled him away, eyes glaring as the man let out another laugh. "Well, my little friend is waiting for me. Bye-bye, Boy Scout and blondie," he replied, giving Colt one more leering glance and turning on his heel to head towards the checkout. Colt let out a nervous squeak, turning to me and looking like he was ready to cry.

"K-Kendall-"

"He's done something to James," I said with a frown, watching as he collected his money. He done something to James, I just know it. I have that feeling. "We need to follow him."

"F-Follow him? Are you nuts! He'll rape us or molest us or something!"

"And I think that's what he's doing to James right now," I said sternly, beginning to walk out the aisle and try to see if I can follow him. Colt grabbed onto my wrist, eyes worried.

"Kendall, please don't. We need to call the police or something. We can't go by ourselves!"

"Call the police if you want. I'm going to follow him," I snapped and Colt's eyes widened as I slipped from his grip and quickly rushed outside. My eyes scanned the parking lot, trying to find the man in the throngs of people walking in and out of the store with shopping carts in tow and I bit my lip. Where the hell is he? He couldn't have gotten far. I rushed over to the bike rack, unhooking my bike and climbing on it, head lifting up to see a white car driving past me and I frowned. There the bastard was. I kicked off, beginning to follow him but still keep a safe distance away in case he found out he was being followed.

"K-Kendall, wait!" I heard Colt shout out and turned my head to see him peddling alongside me. "I'm going to get fired for this."

"It'll be all worth it when we get our friend safe," I said, seeing the car make a right turn and both of us turned at the same time. Colt shook his head.

"But what if James isn't there? What if we're just wasting our time accusing some guy of kidnapping him when-"

"Colt, he knows something. The way he was acting was just off."

"Yes, he's a creepy guy. That's exactly why we shouldn't be doing this!"

"Please Colt. We need to find James. And I think this is the only lead," I muttered, seeing the car turning onto a street and we turned as well. The street was filled with nice houses and it seemed everything was nice and quiet. Not really the place I've expected where a kidnapper was living at. Looked like the kind of neighborhood I would want to live in. The white car was pulled up in a driveway of a small house and we pulled up alongside a tree, resting our bikes on the trunks.

"Okay, now what?" Colt asked and I cocked my head over to the house. His eyes widened, "You can't be saying we're going to break in. He's still there!"

"Let's just take a look around. Go up to the door and distract him or something while I try and see if I can get inside."

"D-Distract him? What if he tries to pull me inside? Or molests me right then and there?" he stuttered out and I pulled out my cell phone.

"He won't do a thing if he knows you'll call for help. Just keep him talking long enough for me to find a way inside," I reassured and he gulped, taking my phone and holding it tight in his shaky hand. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes tight and opening them once more and turned to walk towards the house. I then glanced at the sides of the home, rushing over and hiding beneath a window as I heard Colt ring the doorbell. It was silent for a few moments, then I heard the door creak.

"Hello Boy Scout. Selling cookies so soon? Or maybe you want to take me up on that offer of riding my dick?" I heard the man said, knowing he had a sick little smile on his face and Colt was probably sweating bullets.

"I-I want to know if you seen someone," Colt stuttered out and I groaned. I needed to find a way inside fast. I moved alongside the house, spotting a small dirty window that most likely led to a basement. I crouched down, hearing something moving inside but couldn't see a thing through the glass. Then I heard the door slam and heard Colt running up beside me, tears in his eyes.

"What happened?"

"He tried to pull me inside and I ran. Why'd you make me do that? He was trying to-"

"I'm sorry-"

"No! If you want to get inside, then you go to the front door and you get sexually harassed by some-"

The sound of shouts coming from the window entered our ears and Colt dove down beside me in the grass, shaking with fear. I listened closely, hearing the sound of someone crying and shouting again and I closed my eyes. James. It was James crying. He was hurting my love. I'm going to kill him. Colt's eyes were widening, hearing the sobs coming from the window and he looked up at me, face filled with fear. "W-We need to call police."

"I know that. But now, we need to get James out of there," I replied, hearing the door creak open and both of our mouths closed in an instant. We listened for the next sound, a car door slamming and the engine starting up again. The white car was soon on the street and driving off and I turned to Colt, giving a nod before feeling around the window for some sort of latch. It took maybe a couple minutes but I finally found one almost buried beneath the grass and flicked it open, sticking my head through to see what was inside.

The basement was a mess. An absolute mess and dirty, but the only thing that my eyes were on was the body that was lying down on the dirty and blood covered floor. They were chained up, dried blood covering their legs and arms bound behind their back and hair was freshly cut and short. They lifted their head to look me in the eyes and I gulped.

"James?"

"Kendall," they croaked out, voice sounding hoarse and dry and I breathed out a small sigh of relief.

I found you. I found you and I'm taking you home now.

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><p>Well, like I said, the next chapter will be pretty much the same thing, just from James' perspective. Plus a little more at the end. Then next chapter is the highest point of the story and afterwords, just going to try and resolve as much stuff as possible. Well, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and give me a review please!<p> 


	21. Two Of Us

Another chapter up! And this one is probably the second longest since I combined two chapters together. This story is drawing closer to the end, probably maybe 3 or four more chapters to go and then I'm done with this story. Well, thanks to The Last One To Fall, MerielTLA, iwishicouldbe, Samantha Maslow17, KrazyKogan14, Jessayra, RainbowRoses9001, DemonWolf, Bigtimebitch, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, Sum1cooler, RandallKeithOrton4life, kryingkaleidoscope, LessThanThree333, Bowman0306, UnrequitedxLovex and child who is cool for the alert, favs and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'We're going home'<strong>_

Matt was reading his book, bouncing his knee as he sat on a lawn chair. His eyes kept on flickering over to me lying on the floor, still chained up and lips dry from without drinking water for a couple of weeks. He reached down, hand slowly rubbing on his groin and eyes now locked on my pathetic face and he licked his lips. He continued to palm himself, apparently getting off on my misery and I closed my eyes, tears beginning to leak out again and I heard a light laugh.

"Come here, James. Let me give you a little kiss," he said, voice light and sweet and I groaned. My body was sore and filthy, blood from the continuing rapes covering my legs, dried semen flaking off my skin and I smelled from piss and sweat. He frowned, hand slipping into his pants to wrap around his dick and continue to pleasure himself. "Come here, cutie. I want to kiss you."

"No," I coughed out, voice hoarse and he let out a shuddered breath, eyes looking dark. He removed his hand, getting up onto his feet and making quick work of the belt buckle and letting his pants fall to the floor. He didn't wear underwear, he figured the clothing was getting in the way of him raping me. He sat back down, hand wrapping around his dick again and giving a rough jerk.

"Come here now. Or else," he growled out and I let out a little cry, trying to crawl over but arms still bound behind my back. He lifted my head up roughly, taking his dick and spreading some of the pre-cum on my face. "Be a good boy and help me out, will you? And no biting, I wouldn't want to cut that pretty little tongue out," he said with a smile and I shuddered. He looked down at me, fist in my hair grabbing roughly and I let out a whine. I let my mouth open a little, Matt already thrusting up in my mouth and almost gagging me. He let out a moan, my unwilling mouth sliding up and down and him practically fucking my mouth. His head went back and he let out another moan. "Such a pretty little mouth. Nice and hot and wet," he grunted out, forcing my head down and another gag escaped my throat.

I felt his dick twitch slightly, a warm stickiness shooting down my throat and I wanted to throw up and he growled. "Swallow it. Swallow like the little slut you are," he gritted through his teeth and I closed my eyes, trying to swallow it down and some beginning to dribble down my chin. I never felt so disgusted with myself. All of the times that I've had sex with different people, I've never felt so humiliated. So weak and pathetic and just a waste of space.

But maybe he was right. I brought this all upon myself.

He threw me onto the ground, pushing me over and grabbing onto my soft penis, working the shaft roughly and he grinned. "You like it, cutie? You like being my little slave?"

"No. No. Please stop this. . .you wouldn't do this if you really loved me," I croaked out and he stopped, eyes widening and looking confused "I. . .If you loved me, you would be happy for my decisions. Matt, you'll let me go. You'll let me go and let me be happy with someone that I love," I said, giving a little cough and he frowned, raising his hand and slapping me across the face.

"You don't know anything about love. You're a slut. You're a stupid whore. I give you love and what do you do? You push me away and run off to fuck someone else."

"It's my job!" I screamed and slapped me again.

"Slut! You're a damn slut! And you're going to be here with me until you fucking die!" he screamed back at me and I cried, feeling him take my head and slam it down to the ground. He slammed it maybe two more times and then he stopped, looking up and hearing the ringing of the doorbell. He glanced down at me, eyes still looking hateful and he growled. He grabbed a piece of duct tape and slammed it onto my mouth, taking out a cigarette as he began to slip on his pants. "Don't miss me too much while I'm gone," he mumbled, lighting his cigarette and taking it to give me a burn on the arm and I screamed, the sound muffled by the tape. He smiled, getting up and walking up the stairs to answer the door. I looked up, trying to hear what was going on.

It sounded like a boy was talking, talking fast and talking nervous and I groaned. Who would be coming around to talk to Matt? He never had any visitors, not even family coming out to check on him. Maybe because he wanted them to never find out about what he really did. Maybe because they were all ashamed of him. Or terrified at how much of a monster he really was. I need to get out of here while he was gone. I need to get free quick.

I glanced at the chain above me, trying to get onto my knees and pain shooting through my legs. I haven't walked in a long time, I haven't even stood. So when I managed to get onto one leg, it felt like pins were stabbing into my body and I let out another cry. You can do this, James. You need to get some help. I forced myself up onto the other leg and stumbled, my legs feeling weak and tears sliding from my eyes. I shuffled over to the stairs, the chain yanking me back and I growled. I needed to get untied.

There wasn't anything to cut the leather that I could use. . .maybe I could make some noise and the person would hear me. Then they'll help me, they'll rescue me and I can be together with Kendall again. I just need to-

"Going somewhere?" a voice whispered and I felt hands shove me back onto the ground, pain coming again as I collided with the dirty floor. Matt was biting his lip, walking over and picking up the gun that was lying on the floor. He walked over to the supply closet, digging through and pulling out a bullet. He popped open the chamber, sliding the bullet inside and closed it back and he turned to me, eyes filled with rage as he walked over and ripped the tape off my mouth.

"Please don't! Please don't do this!" I cried, him pointing the gun straight at my forehead. He didn't say anything, his nostrils flared and his grip on the handle tightened. "Please Matt, please don't do this. Please."

"Begging isn't going to get you anywhere, cutie. Lots of people beg for mercy, it just makes them weak. I thought you were stronger than that," he said lightly and I shook my head.

"Please Matt. I. . I love you."

"Hmm, so you love me now that I have a loaded gun pointed at you," he hissed, taking the gun and gently setting it down on the work desk. "If you love me so much, then why are you fighting me? Why do you have some little Boy Scout coming up to my door asking if I've seen you?"

"I don't know who you're talking about. Please don't hurt me anymore. I'll stay with you if I have to, please don't," I begged and he growled, crouching down and pulling me up by my hair and he frowned, fingers threading through the brown locks.

"You know, James? I love your hair. Nice and soft and long," he whispered, kissing my hair and smiling lightly. Then he pulled me along to the desk, pulling out a pair of scissors from a bag he brought down earlier and my eyes widened.

"Matt, don't!" I cried and he pulled my hair roughly.

"Shut up. Unless you want me to rip it out," he hissed and I whimpered, hearing the scissors open and feeling the couple strands that lied curled on my neck disappearing. I glanced down, looking down at the locks of cut hair falling down to the floor and letting out whimpers that Matt would counter with a 'Shut up, you little baby'. He was cutting so much off, why was he doing this? Just so he can make sure if the boy asks for a 'James Diamond' again, I won't look like him? He stopped, setting the scissors down and positioned my head to look into the cracked mirror.

It was so short. It was as short as Carlos' hair.

I started crying and he wrapped arms around me, holding me tight. "Oh, you're still cute. Stop being a baby. I don't want to rip into that little ass of yours again, the blood is really dirtying up the place."

"Please, please let me go."

"I can't do that, James. You're going to ruin everything for the both of us if I let you leave. Tell you what, I'll run out to the store, get some food and fix us up a nice dinner. I bet you're starving," he said, giving a little lick along my neck. Of course I am, he only fed me canned soup that I usually spat right back in his face. Which was followed by a rough and forceful rape and leaving me without food for the rest of the week. He hummed into my skin and smiled lightly, "I love you James. I do everything because I love you," he said softly, pushing me down on the ground. He laughed, blowing a kiss and walking up the stairs and out the door.

I was going to die in this basement. I was going to die without ever seeing Kendall's face again. I was going to die.

Then I heard a noise at the window and I glanced up, seeing a hand trying to open the glass. I watched the hand fumble about, then slowly find the latch to the window and pop it open, flipping the glass up and sticking a blond head through the opening.

"James?"

"Kendall," I cried and his eyes widened, taking a deep breath. He looked over his shoulder.

"Colt! He's here!"

"I'll call the cops!" I heard Colt shout out and I felt my eyes beginning to water as I heard Kendall slip through the window of the basement and clumsily fall onto the floor. His eyes widened, glancing over my bloody legs and nude body covered with marks and burns. His eyes settled on the tattoo on my hip and then my newly cut hair and the bottle green eyes grew enraged.

"That bastard. What has he done to you?"

"Talk later. Get me out of here before he comes back," I croaked out and Kendall nodded.

"There's a police station real close by, it shouldn't be too long for them to get here. Let's get this stuff off of you," he quickly said, trying to work on the leather bound and I shook my head.

"No, get the chain first. We can work on the elbow cuffs when we're far away from here. Just get me unchained," I pleaded and he frowned before moving to my neck and latching the chain off of my collar. He pulled me up onto my feet, it still hurt to move and he tried to latch an arm around me to keep my body up.

"Do you think you can get through the window?"

"No, it's too high. Let's go out back," I replied and he bit his lip before nodding and swiftly lifting my legs up to carry me. I blushed and he smiled.

"The daring knight is rescuing his princess," he said with a small smile and I gave a weak smile back. The first time I smiled in such a long time. He walked up the stairs, still smiling lightly at me and my heart began to flutter. This was it. We were finally going to get our happy ending. He pushed open the door, a shout that was cut off from the sound of a door shutting entering my ears and I turned.

A white car was pulling back into the driveway.

No. Please, no.

"Kendall," I breathed, hearing the car door slam and his eyes widened as well, quickly pulling me back down into the basement. "Chain me back up. He'll know someone's here."

Kendall really looked like he didn't want to do that, he didn't want to leave me, but he frowned, grabbing the chain and hooking the collar back on. He then glanced up at the window and tried to climb up the wall but ended up struggling. I heard footsteps walking around upstairs and I felt my heart begin to beat frantically, Kendall not making any progress in getting out through the window. I turned my head, eyes falling on the supply closet and I whistled softly. "Hide in there," I coughed out and he nodded, quickly rushing over and climbing into the cramped space.

As soon as Kendall closed the supply door while still leaving a gap to see, Matt opened the door to the basement.

His eyes were darting around the room as he walked down the stairs and the brown orbs landed on me and he smiled.

"You couldn't wait for me?" he asked and I bit my lip as he laughed. "I remembered I left my wallet down here," he replied, walking past me and picking up the leather wallet from the work table. He turned to me, taking his hand and running it through my cut hair and smiled lightly at me. "I'll be back soon, okay cutie?"

I didn't say anything, just kept my head down and he sighed. "I love you, James."

". . .I. . ."

Then my breath hitched in my throat, my eyes widened and my heart stopped beating for a few seconds.

Someone was knocking on the window.

Matt didn't say anything, eyes widening and an amused smile coming on his face. He briskly walked over to the window, the knocking not letting up and he had one hand raised while the other went to unlatch the window. Matt threw it open and caught the hand with his free one and I heard Colt beginning to scream as Matt yanked him through the small opening and onto the floor. Matt began to laugh, yanking Colt up to his feet and wrapping arms around the struggling boy tight.

"Look who's visiting, James! Your little Boy Scout friend! Oh, this is too rich. Now I have two boys to play with," Matt laughed, taking his hand to begin fondling Colt and the boy began to sob loudly and my eyes widened. Then I heard the supply closet door burst open and Kendall chucked a box of nails at Matt, the redhead being caught off guard and Colt managing to break free. Colt rushed over to me, quickly unhooking the chain while Kendall continued to pelt Matt with items from the supply closet.

"Quick! Get upstairs!" Kendall shouted, throwing a box of bolts and then running to grab Colt's arm and my wrist and drag us up the wooden stairs and into the hallway. I didn't know where the backdoor was, but Colt rushed up to the front door and began to shake the doorknob frantically. Then I heard someone beginning to run up the stairs behind us.

"Colt, run!" I shouted and he turned, quickly running after us as me and Kendall ran into the kitchen, the backdoor still nowhere in sight. The three of us hid underneath the kitchen table, hearing a set of feet run in and stop.

"James. . .come here now. . ." Matt said softly, stepping around the kitchen table and I felt Colt shaking beside me while Kendall had his arm wrapped around me and eyes looking determined. ". . .I won't hurt you, James. I love you, James. Everything I do is because I love you, and I won't let you get taken away from me. Not when we were so happy together."

What James has he been with the last three weeks?

I heard the feet walk around the table, then a window open and the feet moving out to another room. Colt looked over at Kendall, waiting for a sign or command on what to do next and Kendall bit his lip. Without a doubt, it felt like a trap. Like he was waiting for us to come out of hiding for him to capture all of us again. Why else would he leave a window wide open for us to escape out of? Kendall looked over his shoulder and then closed his eyes, trying to think of a plan that wouldn't get us all killed in this house. It felt like we waited for hours, just hiding underneath that table and Kendall opened his eyes. And he moved up, slowly lifting the tablecloth to see if there were another pair of feet that were lingering by the doorway. He placed it back down and then glanced over at Colt.

"Jump out the window," Kendall whispered, voice almost inaudible and Colt gulped, hands trembling. He took a deep breath and faster than I ever seen him move before, he zipped from underneath the window and zoomed through the open window. I heard a set of feet rush into the room, running over to the window and Kendall held me tighter. It was silent, then the feet moved over to the table, me seeing the tips of Matt's sneakers and I wanted to scream.

"James. . . come here, sweetie. I promise, I won't punish you if you just come here right now," I heard Matt say and I began to tremble. He was so close. All he had to do was bend down and pull up the tablecloth and we'll be found. Then the tablecloth began to bunch and Kendall held onto me tighter, inching us backwards so we could be ready to run for it.

And then the doorbell rang.

Matt groaned loudly, slamming a fist down on the table and making me shake as he stormed out the room.

"Now's our chance," Kendall said quickly and pulled me out from underneath the table. He rushed over to the window, jumping out and standing on the other side with open arms. I nodded, rushing over and trying to lean myself far enough out the window for him to grab onto me. I felt his arms on my shoulders and my heart beginning to race.

Then I felt a sharp pain shoot in my arm, along with a loud bang.

I screamed and Kendall's eyes widened, him yanking me through the window and I fell onto the cold grass. My arm was bleeding and it was burning and I couldn't stop screaming and Kendall quickly scooped me up in his arms, trying run off with me.

"K-Kendall-"

"I got you, I got you," Kendall repeated and another loud bang rung in my ears and Kendall almost came collapsing to the ground, eyes scrunching tight and hissing through his teeth.

"You're not getting away from me, you little slut!" I heard Matt scream and Kendall struggled to keep running, pants starting to get soaked with blood and leg dragging slightly. "James!"

I heard another bang and I screamed, closing my eyes tightly. Hands began to rush onto my body and I screamed again.

"Son! It's alright! We're here!" a gruff voice replied and I opened my eyes, seeing a police officer and paramedic rushing up behind him to help me onto a gurney. I felt Kendall finally buckling from the gunshot wound and another paramedic went to help Kendall, the other one covering me with a blanket and beginning to wheel me to the truck. Colt was surrounded by police officers and all of them were huddled up, neighbors from the houses up and down the street coming out to see what was going on. And I looked over to where the open grass that me and Kendall were running through, seeing a body lying down and motionless before closing my eyes and taking the first calmed breath I've taken in three weeks.

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><p>"Oh my little baby, my little baby, my little baby," I heard Kendall's mother sob by the bed beside me. I never said anything when she came to see her son in the hospital, I never said that I was the reason her son was injured. I never said that I was the person her son risked his life for. In fact, I would pretend that I was asleep during these visits, I would always have my back turned to the two to give them some privacy. And sometimes, I wish that that was happening to me.<p>

Where was my own father? Why wasn't he here to see me? Sure, Carlos and his parents came to see me and Kendall while we were at the hospital and sometimes Logan too. But Carlos' parents would always give me wary looks that gave off mixed feelings, feelings like pity and disgust at the same time. And Logan wouldn't be able to stay too long, since he had to make plans for John' funeral in a couple of days. That, and his bitch of a mother didn't want him hanging around a 'disgusting, little homewrecker'.

Kendall's mother continue to worry over her son, which really wasn't in that bad of shape. Sure, he was going to walk with a limp for a while, but he wasn't going to die. Neither of us were. The door opened and in walked a nurse, eying me closely and carrying a clipboard. Kendall's mother stopped talking to her son to look up at the nurse and her eyes fell onto me for a quick second, looking concerned and I turned away, flinching at the pain in my arm.

". . .You wouldn't happen to be related to a Mark Diamond, would you?" the nurse asked softly and I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm his son."

"His son? Oh my, this is serious. Your father. . .he's under suicide watch here in the hospital."

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><p>Yeah, for those that were wondering just where was James' dad during those three weeks, there you go. Originally I was going to make James come own and already find his dad committed suicide but I kicked James too many times in this story. So I'm going to give him and his dad a happier ending than that. Next chapter is James and his dad, then it will be the funeral chapter after that, then John's will chapter (which should resolve the Cargan marriage deal) and then I think I'll end this story on a Kendall chapter :) So yeah, hope you all enjoy the chapter and give me a review please!<p> 


	22. Getting Better

This chapter came up sooner than I was planning and also I combined this chapter and the next one together because they were both a bit short. This story is _very _close to the end. If the next chapter after this I write is short, then I might combine the chapters again and next chapter will be the last chapter. Well, thanks to bigtimedegrassi, vegasnerd, Animated Tokyo, MerielTLA, LessThanThree333, RandallKeithOrton4life, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, Sum1cooler, Bigtimebitch, DemonWolf and UnrequitedxLovex for the alerts, fav and reviews! Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'I've got to admit it's getting better'<strong>_

The room was very bland and bare, almost empty actually. And on the bed, no sheets to probably keep him from strangling himself, my father lied with eyes closed. They fluttered a bit when he heard someone walking around in the room and the eyes finally opened, widening when he saw that it was me moving to sit down beside him. He stared at me, raising a shaky hand to gently run his fingers through what was left of my hair and then down my arm where it was bandaged and treated for the gunshot wound. His lip began to quiver and he closed his eyes tight, tears falling and I sighed.

"Dad, please don't," I started but a whine escaped his lips.

"I let you get taken away from me. I let my baby get hurt. I promised Brooke on her grave that I would keep you safe and you got taken away from me," Dad sobbed and I bit my lip, "I'm a terrible daddy, I deserve to die."

"No, don't say that," I said quietly, grabbing onto his hand and holding it tight, "I need you here with me, you can't leave me."

"You want me gone. You want Brooke instead of me and I can't blame you. I tried to get rid of myself, honest I tried. But that nosy neighbor, she came over to the home right before I was about to hang myself. I shouldn't have answered it. Then afterwords, she wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to overdose, I tried to stab myself, I tried to jump out in front of a car, but she wouldn't go away," Dad sobbed and I raised an eyebrow. I never remembered any women that lived near us, most of the neighbors were elderly men or bachelors that had women over for one night and that was it, no wives or anything.

"Dad. . .we don't have a female neighbor," I said and he looked at me like I was crazy.

"But she was there! She kept coming around and she kept getting in the way! I don't-" his breath caught in his throat and his jaw started to hang slightly. He rested his head against the propped back of the hospital bed, more tears coming from his eyes. "It was Brooke. It was Brooke," he repeated and I shook my head.

"That's impossible, she's gone-"

"It was your mother. She was trying to stop me from leaving you. It had to be her, she always came at just the right moment. It was Brooke and she was trying to stop me," Dad mumbled, moving his hand to hold his face and he shook his head, "I'm a terrible daddy and a terrible husband. I failed both of you. I couldn't protect my little boy, my wife. I'm so sorry, Brooke. I'm so sorry."

He continued to sob and I leaned my forehead on the hand that I still tightly grasped. "Please stop crying. Mom loved you and she never thought of you like that," I mumbled in his skin and he shook his head.

"I miss her, James. I miss her and I'm hopeless without her. Look at me. I drink to the point that I can't stand or know what's going on, I hit my child-"

"You only hit me once. . .and I provoked you," I said quietly and he let out another sob.

"It's no excuse, I shouldn't have done it. I hit you and you never came home. My baby ran away and got took by some. . .some monster that cut all you hair and hurt you. You had hair like your mother and now it's ruined," he cried and I shook my head, giving the hand a gentle squeeze.

"It's hair, dad. It'll grow back," I said, giving a little smile and he watched me with still sad and uncertain eyes and I sighed, "Dad. . .I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you, we were both suffering and I should have been helping you like you should help me. I was mad, I was mad that that man was driving so reckless and crashed into her. I was mad and I just wanted to shut myself away. I turned you away and that was when it all started going downhill. . .I'm sorry."

"Don't. Don't say that. You're a kid, you're not supposed to be taking care of me. You had a job and I didn't, you were bringing in the money and I wasn't, you were supposed to be enjoying your high school life and I ruined it for you," Dad mumbled and I let out a shaky breath.

". . .I ruined for myself. . .I. . .the man that kidnapped me, he knew me. . .he was a. . .a client of mine. He came to me often for sex and he paid really well and-"

Dad started to sob louder and I closed my eyes. I always figured that I would never had to tell him about what I did, I thought that maybe I would somehow get an honest job and then everything would go back to normal. That the sex business would be just a distant memory and wouldn't haunt us anymore. But I didn't expect a client of mine to be some sick, twisted person. Or that my dad would try to commit suicide. It had to be done.

And I felt a light weight being lifted off my shoulder.

"I'm a terrible father, I'm the worse father ever. You. . .You sold your innocence to some scum. . .those monsters! Those monsters for taking advantage of a _child!_"

"Dad, I'm 18. I'm not a child anymore."

"Before that! Brooke passed away when you were 16. . .two years. I haven't noticed that you were doing this for two years, I'm a monster. I'm a disgusting-"

"Stop it, please stop. You're not disgusting, you're not a monster. I love you, Dad. I love you so much and I done everything so that way we can be able to have a roof over our heads and live together. Do you think I would even stay with you if I didn't love you? I would have ran away as soon as mom died but I didn't. Because I cared about you and I love you and I'm your son. And I'm happy that I am your son, I'm happy that you're my dad. I'm happy that I still _have _you, someone else I know wasn't so lucky. So please, please don't leave me or think that I don't need you because I do. I've been raped, beaten, starved and almost killed and right now, I just want a hug," I choked out, Dad quickly leaning up and wrapping his arms around me tight and my face buried in his shoulder as I wrapped arms around him.

It took me now to realize that this was the first time that we hugged since Mom died. I also realized that it was the first time that I told him I loved him since Mom died. Even though he was drunk for almost two years, he never stopped to tell me that he loved me and I never told him back. We were both to blame, both of our behaviors weren't how a son and father should be. Which made me give all the more reason to hug and hold him tighter and hear him repeating 'I love you' and 'I'll never leave you'. And I heard a door open before closing and I closed my eyes. Probably a nurse coming in to check on my dad and giving us some privacy.

Good, we have a lot of catching up to do.

* * *

><p>The cemetery was beautiful, grassy knolls that surrounded the tombstones with flowers left in front from grieving people. There were people dressed in black walking into the white building to the left of us, a building with a gorgeous fountain and a hearse parked out in front and the thought of who was going inside the vehicle made me sick to my stomach and the hand that held onto the bouquet of different colored lilies tightened. John always liked lilies, he thought that they were delicate and innocent, so I thought it would be nice to give to Logan or leave it on the casket or something.<p>

Dad placed his hand on my shoulder, the hand slightly trembling either from withdrawal or with nerves of what the Mitchells will say about the two of us when we walk in uninvited. But I wasn't going to let John's wife, or better yet widow, tell me I can't see him or pay my respects to him. He was there for me when my dad wasn't and I'll be damned if I can't say my last goodbye to him. Dad took a deep breath, his hand moving from my shoulder to gently hold my hand.

"Well. . .let's get going," he said softly and I nodded, the two of us walking over to the building hand in hand. The family members that walked along through the door gave us a small nod, not really knowing who we are and probably assuming we were just friends of John's. They were all walking in to where the chapel was, the wood flooring shining and a large decoration of roses surrounded the rosewood casket and I felt my heart beginning to beat in nerves. I squeezed my dad's hand, him looking over at my beginning to sweat face.

"Let's sit back here," I whispered and he nodded, the two of us moving over to sit in the pew as everyone moved to their own seats to begin the service. It was quiet, no one really talking to each other and only looking dead ahead, ha, at the casket. Then someone stood up and walked up the steps to the podium, me squinting my eyes to see that it was Logan. His mother followed shortly behind, dressed in a slim black dress suit and placed her hand on his back as Logan took a deep breath.

"Um. . .good afternoon. . .well, it's not really good and it's more morningish that afternoon. . .uh. . .I-I'm sorry, I never thought I had to do this so soon in my life. I thought I'd be saying goodbye to my father when I was a married man. . .not when I'm just 16. And not when he was still so young too. . ." Logan trailed off, eyes scanning the chapel and landing on me. He stared at me, his mother looking at him confused and trying to see what he was looking at.

And once she did, her eyes grew enraged.

"What are you doing here?" she called out and the other attendants began to look around the room curiously and my father gulped, hands beginning to tremble. I stood up and all eyes that were scanning the room fallen on me and I felt my heart beginning to race. I stepped out into the main aisle and looked around at the unemotional faces and shuddered a breath.

"I'm here to pay respect to John. Just like everyone else is," I answered and she frowned.

"You ruined his life, now you come and ruin his funeral?"

"I didn't ruin his life," I said with a glare and slowly began to walk down the aisle, "He was there for me and he helped me. Me and John were more than what you think we were. We talked, we had our share of laughs and he told me more things than he has ever told you. He talked about how he was afraid Logan didn't want to be like his father, he talked about how he adored his little nieces and wished that he had a daughter of his own as well, he talked about the days that he and his father used to go sit down by the lake when he was little, throw a couple of rocks across the water and camp out until the sky was filled with shooting stars that he would wish on and hoped that his mother would get better with the disease she was struggling with. I knew John better than you did, if anything, you shouldn't be here. You never knew John, you never loved John and all I want to do is say goodbye to him," I said, body shaking violently as I was only a few feet away from the seething woman and Logan, who was staring at me with wide eyes that held strong emotion. It was quiet, then out of the corner of my eye I saw an elderly man get up, leaning on his cane for support.

"Clara," the man said quietly and she glanced over at him, "Sit down and let the boy say goodbye."

"Grandfather Reese, you don't know what this little rat-"

"For Heaven's Sake, Clara!" a woman jumped up from her seat, "Shut up and let the boy talk!"

Logan's mother was clearly taken back and looked ready to say something else when a man stood up beside the woman, then another person stood, and another and another until every person was standing and eying the woman closely. She glanced at me, then at Logan's small smile at his family and grabbed his wrist, beginning to drag her son down from the steps and pointed at me accusingly.

"This boy ruined John and mine's marriage!" she shouted.

"No Clara, I believe that was you," Grandfather Reese said, stern expression on his wrinkled face and Logan's mother grew impossibly red, storming off to her seat and taking Logan with her. The man sighed and then glanced at me. "Well then, go on. I'd like to say goodbye to my son, too," he said softly and I nodded, heart beating fast as the Mitchells gave me comforting smiles and little nods to go on with my eulogy. John always gave off a loving and caring vibe.

And now I see where he gets it from.

"Sorry about ruining your eulogy," I said quietly and Logan sighed.

"It's alright, yours was better than mine could ever be. I just. . .I wasn't prepared for something like this and my mom just comes to me and says I was doing the opening eulogy and I. . .I just wasn't prepared," Logan said, hint of embarrassment in his voice and I nodded. How can you be prepared for something like this? Sure, we're all going to die someday, but John's came quicker than Logan was expecting. I kept glancing over at the groups of the Mitchell family talking, some of them taking quick looks at me and giving small smiles and waves. One other thing about the Mitchells was besides of being some of the nicest people, they were pretty damn smart. So it didn't take long for them to find out what my real relationship with John was.

Or maybe it was because Logan's mother kept whining about how I shouldn't be here and I was defiling John's grave with my presence.

Which the other Mitchell members would counter with a 'No one _cares_, Clara.'

Logan sighed again, looking at the bouquet of lilies I left on his father's coffin and smiled lightly, "You know, Carlos likes lilies too."

"What a coincidence. Must be fate," I muttered and he gave a small laugh.

"Yeah. . .I think we're going to elope," Logan said and I glanced at him, "As soon as we graduate, we're going to elope. I'm sure my mother won't allow me any inheritance money when she finds out I won't be marrying Camille. And I know I'm going to try my hardest to get scholarships so I can get good schooling to get a good job. . .and we won't have a place to live for a while. . ."

It was clear he didn't know what was going to happen and I bit my lip. Logan and Carlos' future together was so uncertain. Would they elope and Logan would be out of the Mitchells lives forever? But then they'll be homeless and struggling with money. Carlos isn't rich, his parents are _praying _for a hockey scholarship since they can't afford college for their son. The only suggestion I could think of was that Logan marries the girl, takes the money and then runs off with Carlos. Like Romeo and Juliet, only it'll be a hopefully happy ending for the two star-crossed lovers.

Logan's grandpa walked over to us, smiling lightly and patting me on the shoulder.

"You did good today, son. And you too, Logan. John would be proud," he said and Logan nodded. He then leaned in closer to Logan, "You know, there's a boy outside wanting to see you."

At that, Logan blushed and he gave a nervous cough. "R-Really?"

"Yes. Says that he want's to see you and he couldn't wait until after the service," his grandfather said with an amused smile and Logan blushed even more.

"Um, e-excuse me," Logan stuttered, taking off into a dash outside the door and his grandfather sighed contently.

"Young love is quite beautiful, don't you agree son?" Grandfather Reese asked and I turned red, biting my lip and unsure of what to say. ". . .You don't have to pretend, I know that little twinkle in both of their eyes. My daughter had it when she met her husband, my son had it when he met his wife, and John _thought _he had it when he met Clara."

"Thought?"

"John was always the one to act on his impulses when he was younger and Clara was a piece of female flesh that he couldn't wait to get his hands on. He matured though and he had the responsibility of a father to mellow him out a bit, but still," he said with a shake of the head and I slowly nodded. He then glanced over at where the door Logan ran out of and sighed, "But Clara doesn't know about him and that boy, does she?"

"No. . .they're planning on eloping when they graduate if Logan doesn't receive inheritance."

"Preposterous, of course he will receive inheritance," he said with a chuckle and I raised an eyebrow.

"But Logan's mother-"

"Listen here, son. A couple of months before John passed away, he was coming to me and my attorney about his will and how the money, the business and the estates would be divided up. And in those couple of months, John has assigned many executrices for his will, all of them that will support Logan in whatever he should use the money for along with the other people listed in the will. Even if Clara hires the hot shot lawyers to fight against John's will and call it a fraud or some rubbish like that, she can't go against all of the executrices' word and statements that John wrote that will with sound mind. The hearing is going to be in a few weeks. There is no need for Logan or you to worry at all," he said with a smile and I smiled lightly. Logan and Carlos had nothing to worry at all.

I couldn't help but smile bigger, thinking on the two boys outside that were still probably planning their elope plan. I can't wait to see the look on Logan's face when he finds out. I turned to find that Logan's grandfather was already walking away and I glanced over at the tables, seeing my father talking with a woman. The woman that told Logan's mom to shut up. Yeah, I like her. Logan was by my side, smiling a little and jacket ruffled up slightly and I rolled my eyes.

"What? Did Carlos give you a little 'grieving present'?" I asked and Logan blushed.

"Shut up," he scoffed and looked over at my dad and the woman, smiling lightly. "That's my cousin. Or maybe 2nd cousin. Or 3rd. Well, she's a cousin," Logan said with a shrug and I nodded, looking over at the boy beside me.

"Is she single?"

"Are you going to play matchmaker?"

"I might if she's single."

". . .Yeah, she is."

I heard the two of them laughing a little, Logan's cousin smiling brightly. Yeah, go for it Dad.

". . .What would you think if I became a Mitchell?" I asked and Logan smiled.

"Not much," he replied, playfully knocking into me, "you pretty much already are."

* * *

><p>Well, I've got to say that this is probably my most favorite chapter out of the entire story. Mostly just the talk between James and his dad. And this also gives hope for the Cargan! So I think the conclusion of the Cargan marriage will definitely be in the next chapter. Which, I think will be the last one. I know I wanted to end on a Kendall chapter, maybe I'll just mix both POVs in the chapter or something. Well, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and give me a review please!<p> 


	23. For Once In My Life

Thanks to JoannaBTR, Bigtimebitch, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, Bowman0306, Sum1cooler, RandallKeithOrton4life, UnrequitedxLovex and child who is cool for the alert and reviews! Well, this is the last chapter and I am glad that this story is finally over, this is the longest fanfic I have so far with 'Cherry Bomb' beginning to come up close behind it. And I decided to split this chapter in half, first half is in James' POV and after the page break, it's in Kendall's POV. So that way, the story began with James and ended on Kendall like I wanted. Well, I hope you all enjoy the last chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Long as I know I have love I can make it'<strong>_

"The mansion estate on 3532 East St. shall go to Mr. Logan Mitchell and it shall be in his decision whether to sell or keep," the man at the desk read and I bit my lip. I could feel Logan's mother staring at me with angry and furious eyes, not really knowing why I was here at the will reading or angry that I am still showing up in her life period. Logan was sitting beside me on the left, nodding and keeping his head down for most of the reading, most likely thinking about the inheritance he thought he wouldn't be receiving. And on the right of me was a business man that John used to work with, hands folded over his lap and leaning back in his chair. There were maybe four more people in the room, one of them Logan's grandfather and the others I wasn't sure who, sitting around the room and listening quietly as the man at the desk continued to read.

"The business, Saratone Corps., and all of its copyrights shall be passed down to Mr. Logan Mitchell. If he should not want to take over the business, then it shall be passed over to my long business partner Mr. Richard Berk. The beach home estate on 478 Rosehill Ct. in Santa Monica, California shall go to Mr. James Diamond and his father for ownership," the man read and I gulped as Logan's mother's eyes widened. That was the first time that my name had been mentioned in the will and she was more than livid, red lips turning as the man continued to read that I would also be receiving an inheritance of 800,000 dollars to go towards schooling for me and money for us to live on until Dad gets a steady job.

"125,000 dollars plus 100,000 dollars for a honeymoon will be for Mr. Logan Mitchell's wedding with the person that he loves," the man read and Logan's mother gave a little sigh of relief while Logan looked up, eyes widening.

"Wait, money for the wedding is in the will?" Logan asked and the man nodded.

"And you for sure will be receiving it in a couple of weeks from now," he replied and Logan smiled brightly, cheeks flushing red.

"Good, now we can have a nice wedding for you and Cam-" Logan's mother started but Logan turned to her.

"I'm sorry, mother. But I'm not going to marry Camille. I'm going to marry someone else," Logan said softly and the woman blinked, looking at her son as if he grew three heads.

"Who are you going to be marrying? Camille is a very sweet and well recognized-"

"I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with the most sweetest and kind boy that I know you'll love if you just get to know him," Logan said gently, taking onto his mother's hand but the woman jumped up from her seat.

"A boy! No, no, no! Logan, you are marrying Camille and that's final!"

"He doesn't love her!" I shouted and she turned to me, glaring darkly.

"You, this is all of your fault. My husband is dead, my son is confused and our family was perfectly happy until you decided to come along and ruin our lives!" Logan's mother accused and turned back to Logan, "You are not wasting that money on some wedding between you and a little **boy**, I am your guardian!"

"Mother, please. Father knew about this and he just wants me to be happy, why can't you?" Logan asked and the woman bit her lip as Logan stood, "Carlos is a very sweet boy and he loves me just as much as I love him. I was honestly going to elope with him if the case should be that we didn't have that much money, I knew I had some money saved up in my own bank account that should be able to pay for it. But I didn't want to do that either, I wanted you to be there. I wanted you and Father to be there to see me at the altar and starting a new life with someone that I really love. But now. . .Father isn't here anymore and the least you could do for me is just be supportive of my decisions like a loving mother should. It's not like I'm running off with a murderer, just give him a chance. Please?" Logan said softly and his mother didn't say a word. I couldn't believe it, Logan actually got her to be quiet. She looked around the room and back at her son, confusion in her eyes as to what was going on. She didn't look angry, she didn't look furious that her son was turning on her, she just looked confused.

And sad.

"Mrs. Mitchell?" I said and she looked over at me, ". . .Look, I know that you and me aren't on the best terms, but they really do love each other. And Carlos is really nice," I muttered and she glanced between Logan and me, her face growing soft and she sighed, raising a hand to rub her forehead.

". . .But you and a boy. . .I wanted grandchildren. . ."

"W-We'll adopt when we're ready, Carlos wants lots of kids. Please, mother," Logan said quickly, hearing his mother's tone growing softer and she sighed once more.

". . .Do you really love this boy?"

"With all my heart. And you'll love him too, he really wants to meet you in person," Logan said and she looked at her son, raising her hands to settle on his shoulders and hold him tight.

"Logan. . .you know, when I held you in my arms when you were born and I looked at your little smile, I thought you were going to be one of the most successful men ever with a happy family of your own. And ever since, I have been trying to push you towards that path with lessons and schooling and Camille. . .maybe more forcefully than you were ready. . .and you have grown into such a handsome young man that could make his own decisions and I miss holding you in my arms and seeing that smiling little face. . .you're not my little baby anymore. . .maybe it's time for me to let you walk on your own if you really think you're ready," she said softly and Logan nodded, taking in a deep breath and smiling.

"Thank you, mother," Logan said softly, leaning over to kiss her cheek and she smiled, wrapping arms around her son and holding him and I bit my lip. She turned to look over at me, frown on her face, "I'll see about this 'Carlos'. I'm wary since _you _know him, but anyone that loves my Logan and Logan loves even more must not be that bad."

I nodded and the two sat back down in the chair, Logan's mother softly patting Logan's leg as the reading continued.

And for once, it was actually quiet and calm in the presence of Mrs. Mitchell.

* * *

><p>I wrapped arms around James, holding him tight and laying a kiss on his head. James and his father have been staying at our house until the move to California, and I was determined to spend every waking moment with the brunette until that day comes. James snuggled in my touch, sighing and letting me run fingers through the short crop of hair. It was slowly beginning to grow out to the length it used to be, almost every reminder of the horrible three weeks James was tortured disappearing. His hair was growing, the scars were fading, his arm was healing just as well as my leg was. The only thing that was a problem was that tattoo on his hip, we just had to hope we can get it removed.<p>

"Kendall?" James mumbled and I hummed in response, looking down at him and kissing his forehead again. "Do you love me?"

I scoffed, holding the boy tighter. "Of course I do. I love you so much James, and I would do anything for you. I promise as soon as graduation is over, I'm taking the first flight out of here and going to see you every day," I said, kissing his nose and he smiled lightly.

"Do you love me enough that you'll want to be with me for the rest of our lives?" James asked and I raised an eyebrow.

"Of course I do. Til death do us part and I want to be by your side forever and ever, through good times and bad," I then frowned, "I'm going to protect you, James. I'm going to make sure that you never experience something like. . .'that' ever again. I'm going to make sure that you never cry again, I'm going to keep you safe."

"Do you love me enough to marry me?" James asked, looking up at me with innocent hazel eyes and my own widened. Was. . .was James asking me to marry him? He shifted in the bed, moving so that he was facing me and he dug in his pocket and pulled out a Ring Pop. I laughed, him taking my hand and slipping the candy on my finger. "Hey, it's the thought that counts."

"James-"

"When I first met you, I thought that you were one of the most dorkiest and nosiest boy I ever met. Then as time went by, I found out that you were the most geekiest and very anger-management worthy guy I've ever known."

". . .Is this supposed to make me think this is romantic?"

"I'm getting to it. Kendall, I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you and I am so happy that you shown me what love really is. Love isn't shedding your clothes or how good the sex is or how beautiful the person is, it's about how the person feels about you and how they love every little thing about you whether good or bad and they wouldn't want to change a thing," James said, raising his hand to graze my cheek. "I love your eyes that always have that little twinkle of love, I love that little smile you give me, I love how you get nervous whenever I grab your ass in public-"

"You do _way _more than that," I grumbled, thinking back on the time James just up and tackled me, me piggybacking the boy all around the mall and him placing various hickeys on my neck. James playfully stuck his tongue out at me, taking my hand with the cherry Ring Pop.

"All I'm saying is, I love you Kendall Knight. And since Carlos and Logan are going to have some fancy big wedding, how about we have a nice garden one?"

"So you _are _asking me to marry you."

"No Kendall, I'm asking you to suck me off," James said dryly and I rolled my eyes, "Of course I'm asking you to marry me. Soon as that diploma is in our hands, we fly out to California and get married in a gazebo. It can be small with a couple of family members and we could use some of the money John given me to pay for it. Then afterwords," he kissed my hand and smiled, "I can happily call you Mr. Kendall Diamond and we can live our happily ever after on the beach."

"Sounds breathtaking," I said with a smile and he looked at me, eyebrows raised in expectancy and I smiled brighter. "Yes, James, I will marry you."

James smiled, eagerly kissing me on the lips and I smiled, feeling his lips press and tongue dart out for my lips to slip open and I obliged, lips parting and feeling his tongue swirl gently in my mouth. He pulled away and kissed my cheek, the smile that he was wearing turning slightly seductive.

"Great, now I can give you our engagement present," he said huskily and I raised an eyebrow. He already has a present for me? He got off the bed, swaying his hips slightly and fingers moving to lift the shirt over his head, stomach rolling and muscles rippling as the fabric slipped off and he dropped the shirt to the floor. I sat up in the bed, eyes widening and lips beginning to dry as he continued to rock his hips to the music playing in his head, fingers unbuttoning the blue jeans and slowly tugging them down with a flash of silver coming into vision. My eyes widened as he kicked the jeans off of his ankles, mouth hanging as I saw just what James was wearing.

A pair of tight silver shorts.

"J-James," I gasped out, feeling my pants tighten and he smiled innocently, thumb wrapping around the edge of the shorts.

"I realized that I never got a chance to finish my performance that night you shown up at the Parlor," James said, walking over and easing his way into my lap, grinding slowly and hard and my eyes fluttered.

"J-James, ngh~" I moaned, feeling him beginning to bounce and cover my neck with kisses. "W-Wait, James, no."

James pulled away, looking at me confused and slightly hurt, "What's wrong? Don't you like it?"

"No, I-I love it. Just. . .maybe we can save this for our honeymoon night," I said softly and James frowned before tilting his head from left to right and taking in a sigh.

". . .If you say so," James said sadly and I kissed his chest, holding him and letting my hands drift over his soft skin.

"Believe me, it will mean so much more. . .besides, I think right now, all I want to do is just go to sleep and know that you're in my arms," I said softly. When James was gone, I wasn't able to sleep in the slightest. Even when he was rescued and was living here with us, I would always walk down the hallway to the guest bedroom to just check on him to see if he was still there, sometimes more than once. James nodded, letting me pull him into the bed and cover both of us with the blanket. I stuck my head into the crook of his neck, nuzzling and feeling James relax in my arms. "I love you, James. So, so much."

"I love you too, Kendall," he said softly and I kissed his cheek.

"I could say it every day."

"Same here."

I smiled, closing my eyes and letting sleep take its course and feeling James' shoulders rise and fall with slow breaths of his own. It felt wonderful, to have someone that wanted you and you wanted even more. To have someone that loved you and you would die for. To have someone that turned around in your arms to wrap arms around yourself and feel their heartbeat thudding against their chest.

To know that their heart was beating for you.

I couldn't ask for anymore.

**The End**

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><p>Okay, some people caught on and some people might not have, but I'm going to credit the songs that were chapters right now. <strong>Feel free to skip<strong>: Chapter 1, The Like. Chapter 2, Queen. Chapters 3 & 15, Two Door Cinema Club. Chapter 4, Joan Jett (or if you really want to go far back, Gary Glitter :p). Chapter 5, Katy Perry. Chapter 6, Hairspray. Chapter 7, Tenth Avenue North. Chapter 8, The B-52s. Chapter 9, Plumtree. Chapter 10, Disney. Chapter 11, Ben's Brother. Chapter 12, Foreigner. Chapters 13, 17 and 19, Paramore. Chapter 14, Madonna. Chapter 16, Christina Perri. Chapter 18, Paul McCartney and Wings. Chapter 20, Sade. Chapters 21 & 22, The Beatles. Chapter 23, Stevie Wonder. Whew!

Well like I said, I'm glad that this story has finally came to an end, not that I didn't like this story, just thinking that the writing was beginning to suffer the wavering effect and I was a little worried that the story might not have finished as strong as I could but at the same time, not really knowing how I could finish this story strong. Especially since this story was a roller coasters of emotions and drama and darkness with only little bits of light in it. Hopefully this ending was good enough, I'll probably write a little spin-off that details Carlos and Logan's wedding or something if it didn't for a sorry :(. And stories to come after this: 'Cherry Bomb' is now the only running M Kames fic that is going so far and the way its going, that story might be the next to be finished. 'The Bird, the Bee and the Morning Glory' is now going to take 'Born This Way's spot in the updating line-up and that won't change to M after a couple of chapters. And 'Painting Graffiti on Apples' (which is a Cargan and I haven't really pasted the storyline together just yet so don't ask when that's coming around) is going to have elements _like _'Born This Way' so it could kind of be considered it's baby, though a totally new storyline. Well, thanks for reading this story you guys and for all of the reviews! Until next time :)


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